Gender, Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Self-Determination, Transgender

A Penis and a Vagina does not Create our Gender Identity

I like to teach that gender is our personality and that a penis and a vagina does not create our gender identity. We are not assigned our personality, we just become it. Just like becoming left or right handed, or being able to be ambidextrous and use both hands.  We now trust a child to choose if they are left handed, right handed or ambidextrous when they are very young.

This analogy of handedness can be used when an intersex child is born both and even holds true for any child.  It holds true even if they are born with an endosex (not intersex) body.  All children figure out their gender and they do it relatively young and before they even start grade school.

My Thoughts Regarding Intersex Children:

Here is the United Nations’  intersex FACT SHEET.  I believe that genitals, reproductives systems, hormones, and chromosomes will never create our gender identity.

If we just relax and wait, I promise the baby will let the world know.  All of us who were assigned wrong at birth have all proven that no expert, no chromosomal test, no MRI, CatScan or blood test can determine the gender of any of us 100% of the time.   Yes, sometimes surgeries are medically necessary, but most the time they are only cosmetic and have horrible consequences.  This means a lot of errors have been made and permanently so with non-reversible surgeries.   I know too many un-happy intersex people to prove the experiment of assigning our gender surgically has failed miserably and has to stop.  The obvious solution is to wait and let the baby decide their gender.

My Thoughts Regarding Transgender Children: 

If we gave self-determination of gender to all humans, the diagnosis of gender dysphoria and the label ‘transgender’ would vanish too.   It is our culture that has decided what genitals belong to what gender.  Anything outside of that expectation is now called gender dysphoria.  When I feel it is truly a case of cultural dysphoria around genitals and gender.  However, the label transgender is very important to our culture right now, so we have to take on the discrimination that us transgender people face very seriously.

Yet, in the perfect world, if we gave self-determination to everyone, no one would have to transition or be diagnosed to do so.  Birth Certificates would now only take note that a human was born.  My friend, Mo Cortez, Intersex Advocate from Houston, once shared that maybe our blood type could be put on our birth certificate in place of male or female.  Is our gender marker truly necessary on our birth certificate?  Many feel it is not for many reasons.

One last note: Self-Determination is a human right, and only with consensual adults should genital cosmetic corrective surgeries be performed.  No government should dictate that an adult trans person has to have gender confirmation surgeries to validate their identity.  Surgery should remain a personal choice and not a requirement for a transition from one gender to the other.  Sex reassignment surgeries are also a solution for severe forms of gender dysphoria and should always be available to those who require it.  The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) states: 

“The medical procedures attendant to sex reassignment are not ‘cosmetic’ or ‘elective’ or for the mere convenience of the patient. These reconstructive procedures are not optional in any meaningful sense, but are understood to be medically necessary for the treatment of the diagnosed condition.”

Back to Intersex Natural Variations: 

Right now intersex variations are diagnosed as medical conditions.  When they are truly just naturally occurring natural bodily variations.  Can you imagine if we gave a diagnosis to male or female?  It is no different.  Intersex is the biological sex of an intersex person.  Just like anyone an intersex baby can grow up to have any gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation.   Surgeries are not going to keep these things from happening.  Yes, there are going to be gay, lesbian, and transgender appearing intersex kids and people, and the world has to get over itself.

A Gender Self-Determining World: 

If all children were no longer taught that their genitals made them a boy or a girl, and genital integrity was taught early on, wouldn’t this be a better world for intersex, transgender, and non-conforming people?  I believe that ‘no body is shameful’ and that a person can be the personality of any gender:  male, female, both or neither.

I also believe that it is not just intersex kids that need to learn that nobody is shameful.  It is all of us humans, especially transgender children.  Whom I feel are also being coerced to think they need genital surgeries when they grow up.

If everyone was given the self-determination of their gender, we might be very surprised to see a world emerge “gender nonconforming”: 

There are three ways to be a gender non-conformist:

1) Our physical bodies appearing both or neither.  We can be born biologically endosex (not intersex) or intersex.

2) Our Gender identity (our personality as male, female both or neither).

3) Our Gender Expression (how we dress, our hair, or appear to this world).

We can have one, two, or a mixture of these.  As you can see there will be many words and labels that describe all these states of being too.  I hope for a world that can evolve to stop thinking genitals create our gender and we can all just simply be with genital integrity.

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 Fix Society, Please.  

 Helpful Definitions of Human Sexuality


Fix Society with Angel Feather
Hope for a Better World.




Cosmetic Genital Surgery, Hate Crimes, Human Rights, Human Rights Violations, Intersex Awareness, Prejudice, Relationships, Self-Determination, United Nations

Being rejected by my family because of what I represent when I speak up for my intersex cousin who was mutilated.


I have an intersex cousin who was born about ten years after me. They allowed a surgeon to cut off their child’s phallus for no good reason. They allowed themselves to be talked into the utterly crazy belief that all there is to be a woman is to be missing a penis.  Worse, this surgeon had no regard for a woman’s genital integrity and her right to orgasm.

The truth is, intersex people exist and the female penis is very real.  If they were even a female, we will never know.  Their chance to self-determine their own gender taken from them too young.  They died broken, very sick, and at nineteen.  I will not refer to them by name.  They never got to share who they were, they never received self-determination.  That human right taken from them by doctors who reinforce a myth, the male and female binary.

Everyone of us is born with a phallic organ, and every human has one for a reason, and the reason is not always reproduction.  It is for sexual pleasure.  Most humans are born with the ability to orgasm, and it is their human right to keep this ability to orgasm!  Not all of us have a phallic organ for reproduction!  Dyadic Females are a good example of this!  The clitoris is a phallic organ.

When they remove the clitoris in third world countries everyone gasps, and yells out “TORTURE”!  Yet, these same surgeries where they cut it down or amputate it,  are called “intersex corrective surgeries” everywhere else, and are allowed to happen in the USA, Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, and pretty much everywhere in the world right now.

So, when I called my family to talk about this cousin of mine it was so disheartening. They can’t stand to even look at me.  The phone never rings, I am as good as dead to them now.  I am a double abomination in their Christian eyes.  I went against my assigned gender as female, and I now appear a gay man to this world, and yes my husband and kids are happier.

Their implicit and explicit bias profound, and yes that icky feeling of cataplexy came over me with their judgement and conviction.  Their hate for me now  is a reflection of their hidden shame for agreeing with this surgical torture that was allowed to happen to my cousin.   They did not know better then, but now that they do.  None can look me in the eyes now.

I am now healthier, happier, happy and intact!  My very existence convicts them.  It’s a hell of a sad story, and important cautionary tale, but if they can’t deal with me, it’s really no surprise!


My promise to this world where I mention my mutilated intersex cousin:  

My New Year Resolution for 2017

Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphallus, and Clitoromegaly.

The FEMALE PENIS and the MALE VAGINA; and explaining this to our children.

Christian Theologian Megan K. DeFranza, A True Ally, and Bridge Builder


Please read the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet


Stop IGM = Intersex Genital Mutilation 



Intersex Awareness, Intersex Erasure, Poems, Relationships

Poem: IMAGINE being erased

I was in therapy learning that I was a girl.

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

At the same time my little brother’s emergence into this world was being celebrated.

Snips and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails


YAY! they said.  His penis a glorious thing!

He will stand to pee even!

He gets to carry on the family name!

They needed a “real boy” to do the job.


The dolls in therapy proved I was not a “real boy”

I was a defect….even the girl doll proved that one.

I was not a girl.

But what would I know.

John Money seemed to know….was that his name?

So they made sure I knew I as a girl.


My brother was in my face all the time, while I was being erased.

I felt I was suffocating to death at night…when I was put to bed.

My worse fears were that I would die.

The abandonment was horrible, especially at night.

My mom’s love…nobodies love, could fix it.

There was no comfort for this type of pain.

It is the worse pain.

Night was a dreadful time.


So they turned me into a “tom boy”.

Yay me!

I resented it.

I was not stupid.


So, my dear brother, if it is too much to be in my life now,

I have no choice but to accept this all is too much for you to handle.

I am powerless.

It was never my fault.

However, don’t you ever again say

that mom and dad saved me from bigotry raising me a girl!

Yes, they did the best they could.

The “experts” taught them well.

The consequences…my life being thrown away.

Thanks to a social construct that creates

right and wrong bodies.

I was erased…..



If You Have Been Brutaly Broken... Nikita Gill


Gender Nonconforming, Intersex Awareness, Poems, Relationships

Poem: Where did you all go? Was it all because of a penis?

The power of changing one’s gender is sad, surreal and even amazing.  Suddenly some of my friends no longer wanted to relate with me, talk to me, or even acknowledge that I was in their life anymore.  All, simply because I now appear more male.  This poem is to all those who vanished from my life, or seem to not think we have anything in common anymore.  This is not to the bigots or the haters who unfriended me when they found out the way I was born.  This is to those who said they loved me, when I appeared to the world as female; but now have simply vanished.  Gender is a social construct, and a very powerful one.  I hope for a world where people like me can simply be, without all this emotional drama, suicide, genital mutilation, abandonment, isolation, and heartbreak:



Where did you all go?  Was it all because of a penis? 

By Mx. Anunnaki Ray 
July, 7, 2016
Just 20 months ago I had a plan to end it all permanently.
I wanted to die.
Euthanasia, really.  I was suffering too much.
And then I discovered I could exist.
That I could possibly get better, and no longer be so sick.
I told you she would die.
or did not lie?
Did she ever truly ever exist?  
I am not so sure “she” died.  
I now see things differently.
You see, she never existed in the first place.  
I was not born to this male/female binary.
This social construct that enslaves all of you to two boxes.
It used to enslave me too.


I was always here; just hidden form you to see.
Thanks to testosterone blockers, and hormones.
All those amazing things that make a girl appear a girl to this world.
What ever a girl is.
But what happened broke my heart.
As I grew my beard and mustache out.
and my hair line changed to that of a mans…..
You my friend,
Was it all because of a penis?


Poem: I hide my rage!
Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphalus, and Clitoromegaly.
My Poem: THE Female PENIS

WE ARE HUMAN with Feather



Culture Dysphoria, Intersex Awareness, Poems, Relationships

Poem: This is a Broken World that I emerge into.

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Before I emerged from my closet…..

I hid in shame, because they said I would be un-lovable.

I have now emerged into a world that is full of their own little secrets.

I hid in shame, because they said I would be un-lovable.

I emerge to a world that has the same shame you instilled into me.


How is it, that you convinced me I was so different, and yet others suffer form the same abuse, the same lies, the same deceptions?

Thinking their penis too small, or their boobs not big enough.

What is it about these lies, this standard of “normal”.

This standard of beauty,

This standard of masculine?

What is a girl, what is a boy?



I hid in shame, because I was lied to, like they lied to you.

Kept out of the locker rooms.

When I find out you did not want to be in their exploited either.

And you are the “normal” one.


I hid in shame, because I was lied to, like they lied to you.

Hiding my body, like you hid your body.

“Modesty” they called it in your case.

A “Disorder” to be hidden from this world, in mine.


How is it you convinced me I was so different, and yet others suffer from the same

Insecurities and the same abuse, the same lies, the same deceptions?

Thinking their body too fat, or too thin, or their chest not muscular enough.

What is it about these lies, this standard of “normal”.

This standard of beauty,

This standard of masculine?

What is a girl, what is a boy?



I come to one conclusion:

This is a broken world that I emerge into.

You were lied to too.

50px-Gendersign.svg 60px-Mercury_symbol.svg50px-Transgender_symbol_1.svg



SEVERAL INTERSEX, and Transgender Flags, learn more: Flags and Symbols

My Related Blogs:

Doctors, Please Stop Lying to Our Parents. Intersex people are lovable without being fixed. WE ARE HUMAN

My genitals are not “Normal”, but I don’t think normal is normal.

My Body is Not Abnormal. Please Don’t Call Me Broken.




Human Rights Violations, Intersex Awareness, Questions and Answers, Self-Determination

Five ways I show that the Male/Female Binary is a Myth, and a Social Construct. Nature has always Created Sexual Variety and Diversity.


Nature created diversity and variety.  Nature did not create the male, female binary.  Nature’s variations create our genitals, reproductive systems, chromosomes and hormones.   Not everyone is sexually born typical, and “typical” is not “normal”.  There are just more typical people in this world, and  needless to say typical people made the rules about “normalcy”.  Nevertheless, often labeling anyone’s body that goes against this ‘male/female binary’,  as a “defect”, a “disorder” or a “syndrome.”  The truth is, Intersex is as common as redheads, and cystic fibrosis.   Intersex people have been around forever, and many of us do not feel like a mistake.   What is Intersex?  Here is a fast  3 minute video? “What It’s Like to be Intersex”

I will give five reasons for why I do not believe in the male/female binary system.  At the end, I reference a list of many educational videos, articles, and stories, that back up what you have learned here today.   I have made this easy, fast,  and simple, but also encourage  you to explore the messages, and videos of others.  It is greatly appreciated, by all of us in the intersex community.  Let our voices be heard.

Please share what you learn here today, and help make this a better world for us. 


Chromosomes XX = girl, and XY = boy.  This is wrong!  

Here is the true picture.


XX, and XY are NOT the only Sex Chromosomes a human can have.   XX does not always mean female, and XY does not always mean male.  Variations happen all the time with all sorts of people.  People are born all the time with a variety of chromosomal variations:  XXY, XO, XXYY, XX/XY, XYY, and many others.  Needless to say,  in-utero testing, when these chromosomal intersex conditions are discovered, can justify terminating the pregnancy, and killing the fetus.  When we would have been born healthy if left to be born.  

Gender is not Chromosomes





There is no male or Female Brain

There is NO scientific proof yet of a male or female brain.  However, MRI imaging is proving that the brain does PROVE that there is NO specific gender, male or female.    This means that Self Determination, of our own gender, is a must, for any of us humans.   Simply due to also now knowing that genitals, reproductive systems, chromosomes, and hormones do not create our gender.

Human Brain is a Mosaic


Genitals and Reproductive Parts do not tell us anything about a person’s Gender either.

Some intersex or transgender girls have a penis, and some intersex boys and transgender boys have a vagina.  Some intersex girls and transgender girls have testicles and some intersex boys and transgender boys have ovaries.  Some intersex boys and transgender boys have a vagina too.  Although very rare, some forms of intersex have no reproductive system, or genitals, at all.  

As a fetus, most of us have a genital tubercle that develops into a “phalloclitoris”.    Its name depends mostly on the size, function, gender, and if it can penetrate, or pee from the tip or not.  If it is big enough to penetrate, it is often called a penis.  Yet,  some penises do not pee from the top at all, and this is called hypospadias.  

So you can see there are a variety of ways a genital tubercle can form on a human being.   The genital tubercle can also be called a  phallus, pseudopenis, phalloclitoris, clitoromegaly, micropenis, microphallus, or clitoris (and many other names for the same thing)

Genital Tubercle HumanRights

The above pictures of the developing genital tubercle, truly would not determine the gender of these two fetuses.  These two pictures, I borrowed, assumed the gender, due to chromosomal testing.  Which you now know can make an error.  Nevertheless, in the first several weeks of gestation, this is how all of us look below, regardless of our gender.




Hormones do not tell a person’s gender either.  Hormonal variations in humans are vast and varied.  To say variations are “abnormal” is not based on science, but the opinion of a social construct.  

Typical hormone levels for a typical male or female, are just that: “typical”.  Typical will never mean normal.  They just occur more often.  Some hormonally variant people do not want treatment.  The bearded women are just one example of many.  

 Intersex people are born with many variations of their sex hormones.  Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH),  Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS), and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) are just three examples of this (there are many others).  It is our culture and the medical community that has labeled these conditions a “syndrome”.  

Not all people with these conditions feel broken or want to be ‘hormonally adjusted’, or fixed.  In many cases, intersex and transgender people discover that going against what is “normal” makes us much healthier and happier.  Here is my story about that: My Body is Not Abnormal. Please Don’t Call Me Broken.  

Intersex is Naturally Occurring and %22No Body is Shameful%22

Educate the Truth Girl Parts and Boy Parts


Gender is like our Personality.  There is no Scientific Test to Prove a Person’s Gender.

There is no ‘fail proof medical test’ to determine a baby’s gender.  They can only make an educated guess based on the idea of what makes a typical female, and a typical male.  If a person is born intersex, and in-between, sad to say too many times “experts” are wrong in determining the gender.  Worse, cosmetic surgery, to assign gender, can obviously result in disaster, because surgery is permanent.   This fourteen-minute video, by Judi Herring, M.D,  is helpful in understanding gender and intersex:  TEDx Gender Bound, Lessons From the World Between.  

Stay Calm, and let the baby grow up to decide their gender
Stay Calm and Let the Baby Decide.
Fix Society Please.


In closing, nature created a variety of different people out here.  Now you can see that the male/female binary is truly a social construct and a myth.   I think it is time to educate society, allow people to just be, to allow everyone the right to self-determine their own gender and end all the suffering.  

A Penis and a Vagina does not Create our Gender Identity

Helpful References: Educational Intersex Videos, Websites, Blogs, Authors, and Articles.



End Cultural Dysphoria

Gender Effects Everything; We break the rules.jpg






Intersex Awareness, Poems

Poem: Parts are Parts, and Venus and Mars can get over it.


Parts are parts!

If it belongs to a girl,

it’s a girl part.

If it belongs to a boy,

it’s a boy part.


A penis is not just a boy part

If it belongs to a girl it should not break your heart.

A penis can be a girl part and

Venus and Mars can get over it.





Oh no!  And now you are told that

 a boy can have a vagina! 

What will we ever do now?  

Will the sky begin to fall?  


Again, Venus and Mars

are having problems with this.


And again,

Venus and Mars can get over it.


Parts are parts

It is true.

I would not sit here

to lie to you.

If it belongs to a girl,

it’s a girl part.

If it belongs to a boy,

it’s a boy part.

and if it belongs to neither

a girl or a boy

they are still

just parts!  

Parts are Parts! 

And Venus and Mars

can get over it!

A penis was never

just a boy part,

and a vagina

just a girl part!

I am sorry,

You were lied to!

The Binary is a Myth.






Mx. Anunnaki Ray

April, 20, 2015

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All the Gender Symbols

The Difference Between my Biological Sex and My Gender.