Gender, Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Self-Determination, Transgender

A Penis and a Vagina does not Create our Gender Identity

I like to teach that gender is our personality and that a penis and a vagina does not create our gender identity. We are not assigned our personality, we just become it. Just like becoming left or right handed, or being able to be ambidextrous and use both hands.  We now trust a child to choose if they are left handed, right handed or ambidextrous when they are very young.

This analogy of handedness can be used when an intersex child is born both and even holds true for any child.  It holds true even if they are born with an endosex (not intersex) body.  All children figure out their gender and they do it relatively young and before they even start grade school.

My Thoughts Regarding Intersex Children:

Here is the United Nations’  intersex FACT SHEET.  I believe that genitals, reproductives systems, hormones, and chromosomes will never create our gender identity.

If we just relax and wait, I promise the baby will let the world know.  All of us who were assigned wrong at birth have all proven that no expert, no chromosomal test, no MRI, CatScan or blood test can determine the gender of any of us 100% of the time.   Yes, sometimes surgeries are medically necessary, but most the time they are only cosmetic and have horrible consequences.  This means a lot of errors have been made and permanently so with non-reversible surgeries.   I know too many un-happy intersex people to prove the experiment of assigning our gender surgically has failed miserably and has to stop.  The obvious solution is to wait and let the baby decide their gender.

My Thoughts Regarding Transgender Children: 

If we gave self-determination of gender to all humans, the diagnosis of gender dysphoria and the label ‘transgender’ would vanish too.   It is our culture that has decided what genitals belong to what gender.  Anything outside of that expectation is now called gender dysphoria.  When I feel it is truly a case of cultural dysphoria around genitals and gender.  However, the label transgender is very important to our culture right now, so we have to take on the discrimination that us transgender people face very seriously.

Yet, in the perfect world, if we gave self-determination to everyone, no one would have to transition or be diagnosed to do so.  Birth Certificates would now only take note that a human was born.  My friend, Mo Cortez, Intersex Advocate from Houston, once shared that maybe our blood type could be put on our birth certificate in place of male or female.  Is our gender marker truly necessary on our birth certificate?  Many feel it is not for many reasons.

One last note: Self-Determination is a human right, and only with consensual adults should genital cosmetic corrective surgeries be performed.  No government should dictate that an adult trans person has to have gender confirmation surgeries to validate their identity.  Surgery should remain a personal choice and not a requirement for a transition from one gender to the other.  Sex reassignment surgeries are also a solution for severe forms of gender dysphoria and should always be available to those who require it.  The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) states: 

“The medical procedures attendant to sex reassignment are not ‘cosmetic’ or ‘elective’ or for the mere convenience of the patient. These reconstructive procedures are not optional in any meaningful sense, but are understood to be medically necessary for the treatment of the diagnosed condition.”

Back to Intersex Natural Variations: 

Right now intersex variations are diagnosed as medical conditions.  When they are truly just naturally occurring natural bodily variations.  Can you imagine if we gave a diagnosis to male or female?  It is no different.  Intersex is the biological sex of an intersex person.  Just like anyone an intersex baby can grow up to have any gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation.   Surgeries are not going to keep these things from happening.  Yes, there are going to be gay, lesbian, and transgender appearing intersex kids and people, and the world has to get over itself.

A Gender Self-Determining World: 

If all children were no longer taught that their genitals made them a boy or a girl, and genital integrity was taught early on, wouldn’t this be a better world for intersex, transgender, and non-conforming people?  I believe that ‘no body is shameful’ and that a person can be the personality of any gender:  male, female, both or neither.

I also believe that it is not just intersex kids that need to learn that nobody is shameful.  It is all of us humans, especially transgender children.  Whom I feel are also being coerced to think they need genital surgeries when they grow up.

If everyone was given the self-determination of their gender, we might be very surprised to see a world emerge “gender nonconforming”: 

There are three ways to be a gender non-conformist:

1) Our physical bodies appearing both or neither.  We can be born biologically endosex (not intersex) or intersex.

2) Our Gender identity (our personality as male, female both or neither).

3) Our Gender Expression (how we dress, our hair, or appear to this world).

We can have one, two, or a mixture of these.  As you can see there will be many words and labels that describe all these states of being too.  I hope for a world that can evolve to stop thinking genitals create our gender and we can all just simply be with genital integrity.

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 Fix Society, Please.  

 Helpful Definitions of Human Sexuality

 

Fix Society with Angel Feather
Hope for a Better World.

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Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Intersex Phobia, Poems, Prejudice, United Nations

Poem: Little Baby in Africa

Little baby in Africa,

So innocent, so new.

Born both, to a world that disgraces you and mistakes your birth a curse.

Your mother who just gave birth,  in pain, yet has to run with you and hide you

from the snares of evil and those who want to do you both harm.

Please know we are praying for you both.

May God and heaven’s angels

protect you always from harm.

May your life and your genital integrity

be always yours.

My tears fall for you.

Please know I fight for you.

May this world become yours and keep you safe always.

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By Mx. Anunnaki Ray 

Intersex Day of Remembrance and Solidarity

November, 8th, 2017  

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United Nations Intersex Fact Sheet

Poem: I Promise to Be Your Voice

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Cosmetic Genital Surgery, Human Rights Violations, Poems, United Nations

Poem: STOP the Unthinkable!

Normalizing interventions

done to our bodies and to our minds.

Unthinkable, and yet it is still allowed to happen.

Unthinkable, and yet the medical complex still gets away with it.

And here we are having to stay calm!

When it is simply unthinkable!

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Here we are trying to teach you,

so that culture will stop doing the unthinkable!

 Here they continue to chop up the genitals

of innocent babies and children.

Claiming to ‘fix’ them.

Yet, it is Unthinkable!

And then telling us that our genitals don’t match our gender.

Who the hell are you, to destroy so many lives?

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And here we are

Holding the bag of damaged goods.

A life you claimed to have fixed, that was thrown away to the wolves.

And here we are a mess!  Being labeled transgender,

due to your not thinking our genitals are right.

We are simply asking for genital integrity!

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Please stop hurting us!  Hell yes, I am angry!

You get away with the UNTHINKABLE,

and I am told to behave and stay calm!

So angry tears fill my eyes with rage!

That kind of anger!  Do you know that kind of anger?

Or does your privileged life

even know that kind of pain?

HOW DARE THIS WORLD TRY TO ERASE US

into EXTINCTION! 

EUGENICS and GENOCIDE! 

STOP!!!  

cutting us,

castrating us,

mentally terrorizing us,

abandoning us,

and aborting us!

STOP the Unthinkable! 

By Mx. Anunnaki Ray

March, 1, 2017

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Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet.

Here is the United Nations’ Page for LGBTI+

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Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Intersex Erasure, Questions and Answers, Relationships, Self-Determination, United Nations

The FEMALE PENIS and the MALE VAGINA; and explaining this to our children.

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My husband and I, October 2016 for Intersex Awareness Day

Our kids are proof that it is about educating only about the male/female binary, and intersex erasure, that messes up the truth around natural bodily variations existing in us humans.  You see, our children were taught that intersex bodies existed, as soon as I realized I was not a disorder and was actually born intersex instead.  Yup, they were taught about the female penis and the male vagina.  They were taught that sometimes a woman can be XY, a man can be XX, and those other chromosomal variations of human exist too, like XXY, XX/XY, XO and so many others.  Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet, if you have never heard of intersex before.

You see, naturally, humans come with many variations of genitals, reproductive systems, chromosomes, and hormones.  It simply is the way nature planned it all.  We are a variety of human.  It is that simple.

 

 

My kids had to actually learn that the male/female binary is what the rest of the world believes.  After learning about intersex, it blew their minds that there were just two options:  Male or Female bodies.

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Now, imagine teaching your children that you have been erased by this world.

That there is no box for me, few doctors that will see me even because I am taboo.  It truly sucked for them, my husband and for me.  They felt violated themselves and angry and scared for me!  We lost our home trying to chase down a doctor, across the country that would treat me. Yes, I was medically abandoned by doctors and told I was no longer patient compliant when I refused to do what they asked me to appear female.

It is hard to explain to a child that there is NO box for their type of father.   That it is the world that messed up.  That it was not my body and not my hormones that went wrong.

My children naturally never felt it was ME who had to surgically conform to this world.  I believe that most children naturally know we want our genitals the way we are born!

That is why when people asked: “how are your kids taking it?”, when I emancipated my gender, we shared that they were HAPPIER!  In the typical male/female binary world, it is devastating though.  But most assumed otherwise and thought:  “OMG! How horrible that those poor kids just lost their mother!”   Typical people also immediately assumed I would be having genital conforming surgeries too when I do not.   We can just imagine the gossip. We lost countless friends, who could not cope with it.

Everyone also assumed my husband, of twenty-eight years, would leave.  I was so disabled and sick, that he too gained his sex partner back.  I was asexual for over a decade, due to doctors giving me no choices.  We had become roommates.  So when people asked:  “How is he taking it?”, it was an insult to me!  Yes, things changed socially changed dramatically for our family,  but it was not the end of the world.  It was the beginning of a new healthier life as a couple!

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To see more pictures of my husband and me together, please go to: I was born perfect, and I am lovable. Thank you, United Nations.

To an intersex person, like me, and some of my intersex friends, like Tiger Devore, gender is all a “gender performance”.  A phrase that Tiger likes to use, and created to explain what I am saying here today.  So, my kids did not lose a thing. They gained a healthier parent who now had a different gender performance for the world!   I became “Vader” to them, another word for father.

I did not die when I faced certain death if I had continued on appearing female.  It is the male/female binary world that thinks things are so rigid and so concrete that the sky falls when one changes that performance.  And this is sadly why we lost so many friends and family.

The Mythical Hermaphrodite! 

Some think me to be a mythical hermaphrodite too.  Thanks to how this world brainwashed me too, all my life, I don’t feel magical, I feel like a guy with a ‘mangina’.  A word that the famous transsexual, Buck Angel, says to describe his amazing male body.  I feel like a gestational father too, words my intersex friend,  Cary G. Costello, uses to explain away us guys who can grow a baby within our wombs.  I am a “womb-man”, I was never a woman.   I am a “seahorse dad”.  For it is the seahorse father that gives birth.

So world, can you make room for the female penis too?

With us intersex people it exists  Yup, my urologist calls it a penis now that my gender has changed to male!  So that means, for forty-six years, before I appeared a male to this world I had a “female penis”.   I am the same person, yet when I appeared female they denied calling it that.   You can read this blog about the intersex ‘penis’ and all the shapes and sizes they come in:  Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphallus, and Clitoromegaly.

I know many intersex girls who have a penis, and this world should not threaten cutting it off either.  Due to intersex erasure, eugenics (surgically taking away an intersex person’s fertility with non-consensual childhood surgery), and genocide (aborting us when detected before birth), most female penis’s or large clitoris get removed.  I know many transgender girls too who have a female penis.  They should not feel they have to lose theirs too, to be validated as real women.  It sickens me that transgender children are taught to believe that they are in the wrong bodies, but that is another blog.

For us intersex people, Genital integrity is all we want. Our life as our ‘true selves’ is all we want.  We simply just want the right to be LOVED the way we were born:  INTERSEX!    We simply want the human right to sexually experience OUR INTERSEX GENITALS, uncut and unharmed too.

The United Nations stands with us Intersex People now.  

The United Nations declares that intersex erasure and the torture of non-consensual childhood surgeries stop! 

It is time to allow the female penis and the male vagina and without shame.

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A meme from InterACT, that I want to give more notice to, so include it in this blog.

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Thank you for visiting my blog today!

Together we change this world, one message at a time.

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Bridge Building, Human Rights, Human Rights Violations, Intersex Erasure, Relationships

Adding the “I” responsibly to LGBT

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A letter I shared on: Mx. Anunnaki Ray, Gender/Intersex Activist Facebook Page:

Sending a note, to simply say thank you again, for listening, and sharing this page. It is sometimes hard for people to hear about a culture different than their own, especially when daily the news can be so depressing and unimaginable.
I have actually discovered that since LGB are already marginalized, it is sometimes harder to get through to LGB people than typical people. Transgender are a lot easier, actually. I think because they are even more marginalized that LGB, and they too face drastic choices ahead of them when it comes to genital integrity and owning their true selves.
At times, I would rather give a talk to a room full of Baptists, closed minded people, than LGBT Equality workers. I don’t know if they will ever have it in their hearts, or energy to responsibility add the “I” here in my city. But until then some of us find it a blessing. Because instead of saying LGBT, those of us further outcasted and marginalized can say “LGBT and INTERSEX”. We get to say the entire word. That is pretty amazing actually! Because then questions are asked, and one can educate.
I used to think LGBTQIA+ was showing true inclusivity, and still am very proud to see that happening in some circles because it shows total inclusivity! But then I realized it could be just a careless act of adding letters, and not paying attention to the horrid atrocities we face with erasure, eugenics (abortion), and genocide (forced sterilization with non-consensual surgeries). It woke me up fast! YIKES! Please, please, do not add the “I” carelessly.
So, with all this said, since some of you are intersex allies, and messengers now, never forget to share about these atrocities, when you tell a person to add the “I”, or when you add the “I” Let this world know the horror allowed in the USA, and pretty much everywhere around this world.
This is the United Nations’ Fact Sheet, any intersex ally should study this at least once. Notice how they say “natural bodily variation”, for one, instead of “disorder”, “condition” or “syndrome”. Notice also that they validate the torture happening, with intersex genital mutilation (IGM), and ask this world to STOP. In changing speech we change culture and save bodies and lives.: The United Nations: Intersex Fact Sheet/Free & Equal
Again I thank you all,
Mx. Anunnaki Ray
www.anunnakiray.com
#StopIGM #UnitedNations #NaturalBodilyVariations #WeAreHuman #WeArePeople #HumanRights

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Culture Dysphoria, Intersex Awareness, Poems, Relationships

Poem: This is a Broken World that I emerge into.

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Before I emerged from my closet…..

I hid in shame, because they said I would be un-lovable.

I have now emerged into a world that is full of their own little secrets.

I hid in shame, because they said I would be un-lovable.

I emerge to a world that has the same shame you instilled into me.

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How is it, that you convinced me I was so different, and yet others suffer form the same abuse, the same lies, the same deceptions?

Thinking their penis too small, or their boobs not big enough.

What is it about these lies, this standard of “normal”.

This standard of beauty,

This standard of masculine?

What is a girl, what is a boy?

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I hid in shame, because I was lied to, like they lied to you.

Kept out of the locker rooms.

When I find out you did not want to be in their exploited either.

And you are the “normal” one.

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I hid in shame, because I was lied to, like they lied to you.

Hiding my body, like you hid your body.

“Modesty” they called it in your case.

A “Disorder” to be hidden from this world, in mine.

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How is it you convinced me I was so different, and yet others suffer from the same

Insecurities and the same abuse, the same lies, the same deceptions?

Thinking their body too fat, or too thin, or their chest not muscular enough.

What is it about these lies, this standard of “normal”.

This standard of beauty,

This standard of masculine?

What is a girl, what is a boy?

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I come to one conclusion:

This is a broken world that I emerge into.

You were lied to too.

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SEVERAL INTERSEX, and Transgender Flags, learn more: Flags and Symbols

My Related Blogs:

Doctors, Please Stop Lying to Our Parents. Intersex people are lovable without being fixed. WE ARE HUMAN

My genitals are not “Normal”, but I don’t think normal is normal.

My Body is Not Abnormal. Please Don’t Call Me Broken.

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Human Rights Violations, Intersex Awareness

Intersex Bodies are Not an error: My Intersex Story, and the stories of so many others.

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Blogs I have written about how intersex is not a defect, a syndrome, or about being disordered:

1) My genitals are not “Normal”, but I don’t think normal is normal.

2) It is time to stop the “normalizing” genital surgery on intersex infants!

3) “It’s too small, let’s make them into a girl!” Yup, this atrocity is still happening today!

4) All Intersex Bodies are Beautiful, and I do not need fixed to fit your ‘normal’.

5) Doctors, Please Stop Lying to Our Parents. Intersex people are lovable without being fixed. WE ARE HUMAN

The works of others: 

Educational Intersex Videos, Websites, Blogs, Authors, and Articles.

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To see please go to: The Interface Project: No Body is Shameful

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World Wide Advocacy & Support For Intersex and Transgender People

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