Intersex Awareness, Intersex Phobia, Prejudice, Relationships, Short Messages

PTSD and being an Intersex Survivor during the Holidays

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I have a few friends, like myself, who have horrible PTSD, and who were violated in various ways and also assigned the wrong gender. The cost: their genitals, fertility, not knowing what they would have naturally looked like, losing friends, losing family, losing their jobs; every aspect of their lives touched and sometimes destroyed by ignorance or outright bigotry.

We are the victims and survivors of attempted genocide and eugenics. Of course, we are broken and learning desperately to create a life for ourselves out of the pieces.

The Holidays are very hard for some of us. We do visit a dark place at times. We need your patience, your love, your empathy. Walk with us during the storms, do not try to fix us.  Love us gently, listen with care, and be there for us.

There is no magic wand, no drug, no prescription, no amount of alcohol, no doctor, no perfect therapy that can fix this form of grief around being violated.

For me, learning to ride the storms is the only method that has worked. Knowing that these storms will end and to remember to dance in the rain, and hold on like hell during the tsunamis!  I do not want to die, but wanting to end this pain is very real at times.  I know of many intersex survivors who get this.   Many of us don’t even feel like we are from this world, we feel like alien outcasts or alien visitors.

With all this said, most important I have learned to allow people to love me and go out of my way to love others who fight this same battle.  This world has to stop hurting people like us and celebrate our births again.

Loving you, if you get this. Stay strong

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~.V.~ 

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Human Rights Violations, Poems, Prejudice, Relationships

Poem: I am a cliff climber

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No words need to be said.

Yes, it is utterly and horrifically overwhelming at times

I rarely get a break

And once again

Over and over again

Shoved off the cliff

I am a cliff climber 

After fifty years I am damn good at it too

At least now I know

I am not alone

¥

No words need to be said

 

Mx. Anunnaki Ray
November 27, 2017

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I found this picture (above). Photograph Credits: Gordon Wiltsie/National Geographic/Caters News.  It was the best in describing how I feel today.
Bridge Building, Celebrations, Intersex Awareness, Intersex People, PFLAG, Relationships

PFLAG Rockford Chapter is the 2nd to become INTERSEX Inclusive.

I am excited to announce, and celebrate that  PFLAG Rockford Illinois is the second PFLAG Chapter to responsibly include intersex.   My chapter, PFLAG of Jacksonville is the first.  This happening after they made me their Director of Gender/INTERSEX Education.  It is my goal now to help other PFLAG chapters add the “I” responsibly.

While traveling to the PFLAG’s National conference in Portland, this October 2017, I met Phyllis Gallisath the Founder and President of PFLAG Rockford Chapter.   It was one of those serendipitous moments, where we discovered ourselves sitting on the plane together during my connection in Chicago.  We introduced ourselves and quickly learned that we were both headed to the same conference!  This was the beginning of a new and amazing relationship and some very long educational discussions around intersex.

During that time Phyllis opened her heart and her mind while learning the differences between LGBTQ and the special needs of us intersex people.  While also seeing that a good number of us intersex people and parents of intersex kids, are without inclusive community and supports due also identifying as LGBTQ+.

I gave my presentation at the National Conference, as a workshop, and during it, I talk about adding the “I” responsibility to LGBTQ+.   It is very important to me that the “I” is added with full responsibility and not carelessly.  My job going to PFLAG’s National conference was in honor of all us intersex people and the parents of intersex kids.  I am very excited to be doing this work!   This would not be happening without my friends and supporters from Jacksonville PFLAG Chapter, so a huge thank you to them too!

Thank you, Phylis, for making your PFLAG Chapter the second!

 

 

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Founder & President of Rockford PFLAG Chapter: Phyllis Gallisath with me at the airport traveling to the National PFLAG Conference in Oregon, 2017.

 

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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter

You can “like” their facebook page:  PFLAG Rockford Chapter

Here is their website: PFLAG Rockford Chapter


Book Mx. Anunnaki Ray To Come Speak 


My related Blogs Regarding Intersex Inclusion: 

Intersex Inclusive PFLAG Chapters

Why I feel INTERSEX should be added to the LGBTQ rainbow

Making History! PFLAG of Jacksonville, Florida, includes INTERSEX.

Adding the “I” responsibly to LGBT

If you would like to add the “I” with responsibility, I would love to show you how, and look forward to hearing from you too:

~.V.~

Bridge Building, Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Intersex People, Relationships

Why I feel INTERSEX should be added to the LGBTQ rainbow

I feel it is now time to create more allies, create more supportive organizations, and give a way for organizations that want to become intersex inclusive direction on how they can help us end these atrocities that intersex people face.  These human rights violations are in regards to aborting healthy intersex fetuses, and ending non-consenting cosmetic corrective surgeries that are not medically necessary that are being done to intersex infants and children.  Surgeries that often fail miserably, create genitals with poor sexual sensitivity.  Surgeries that often assign us the wrong gender, are not reversible, take away our fertility, and sadly lead to repeat surgeries.  All of this leading to psychological and physical trauma throughout our lives.

Many organizations such as PFLAG are now showing they are welcoming to intersex, and many PFLAG chapters are wanting to become more inclusive to intersex.  However, adding the “I” needs to be done with great care and I personally can be contacted to make sure that this is done responsibly.

Here is my e-mail: anunnakiray@outlook.com and a page dedicated just to PFLAG chapters who are ready to become intersex inclusive: Intersex Inclusive PFLAG Chapters.

Below I will talk about the reason to add the “I” to the acronyms LGBTQ+.  Below I show why I am for this inclusion of intersex:

Reasons to add the “I”:

  1. Hida Viloria, the Executive Director of Oii-USA and Intersex Campaign for Equality shares how intersex people often identify, and how some of us will appear simply either male or female or queer:   How Intersex People Identify.  Co-authored with Dana Zzyyn.
  2. Statistics show that over 50% of us intersex people identify with a sexual orientation that appears gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, pansexual, asexual and more.  Statistics from: Demographics from Oii-Australia
  3. Statistics also show that an intersex person can have any gender identity.   Some intersex people are cis-gender (agree with birth assignment) and conform to either male or female.  Some of us are simply queer, intergender, non-binary or gender nonconforming.  There are also few of us who identify as transgender and intersex both. Statistics from: Demographics from Oii-Australia
  4. Cary Costello Ph.D. talks about how some of us who are intersex sometimes appear as transgender or identify and call ourselves transgender:   Cis Gender, Trans Gender, and Intersex  Cary also shares how homophobia is often behind genetic experts suggesting to terminate and abort healthy intersex fetuses:  On Eugenic Abortion of the Intersex.  An LGBTQ organization is going to have the sensitivity to deal with transphobia and homophobia.
  5. When a person, like myself, realizes that they are intersex instead of a disorder and that their biological sex is intersex, finding a safe space among other sexual minorities is important.  I know it was for my family, especially if we may also appear LGBTQ+.
  6. For me being a part of the LGBTQ+ groups showed me it was ok to be a sexual minority.  It allowed me to feel ok with my appearing gay and transgender.  Thus helping my self-determination and not having shame.  I feel it could give this gift to other intersex people who may also naturally appear LGBTQ+
  7. If an organization takes the time to educate themselves about intersex, it could create more safe spaces for us LGBTQ+ intersex people.  Especially those of us who also identify as transgender, non-binary, nonconforming, or queer.   I see how this happened when the “T” was added to LGB.  Although some trans appear heterosexual, some also now appear lesbian, gay or queer, just like some of us intersex people and this inclusion was very helpful to the transgender community.

Reasons to not add the “I”:

  1. The fear of intersex being mixed up as a gender identity or a sexual orientation problem.
  2. Some intersex people consider themselves a disorder of sex development still, and are happy with their intersex diagnosis and don’t feel their diagnosis has anything to do with being  LGBTQ+ or being a sexual minority.
  3. The way I see it, it could simply be a case of  Homophobia, Transphobia, Queerphobia, Intersex phobia that keeps people from wanting to add the “I”.
  4. Some intersex people are cis-gender (agree with their birth assignment) and also appear heterosexual.  They don’t have any reason to need to be affiliated with LGBTQ+, pride parades or any of it.

My solution to those who don’t want the “I” added:

To alleviate confusion, it is important to educate that intersex is about biological sex and biology, and that the biggest problems we face are the forced assignment of gender, surgically, or hormonally.  Intersex advocates, activists, and educators are trying to end our being aborted when detected in-utero and the non-consenting surgeries on infants and children.   When adding the “I” to your organization it is my hope that you will also make it a part of your effort to make this a safer world for those of us born intersex.  Last, it should be always educated that some intersex people do not appear LGBTQ+, nor need to.

Further, for those intersex people who do not even feel they are intersex, that is their right to not declare it and to embrace their diagnosis or conditions as not intersex.  However, just because they don’t feel they have a variation of intersex, nor want LGBTQI+ support, doesn’t mean that over half of the intersex community won’t benefit from it.  Which again, is a person’s right to self-determination and should always be respected.

With all this said: 

I personally feel that it is time to include the “I”, but only if it is done with great responsibility and education about ending non-consensual genital corrective surgeries on intersex infants and children.  While also guiding people to the correct organizations to support genital integrity.  Here is a list that is always necessary to make sure intersex people get the right supports and are not mixed up with transgender:

Important Organizations to Include on your website if you add Intersex to LGBTQ+:

Below are links that will ensure that parents in the USA, Australia, and other countries, are guided to informed and safe people that will reinforce the self-determination of gender,  and that “No Body is Shameful”, and can support  genital integrity:

Two PDF files you can print and distribute:

1) United Nations INTERSEX Factsheet from United Nations

2) Brief Guidelines for Intersex Allies

Links you should add to your organization’s website: 

1) Intersex Campaign for Equality  AKA Organization Intersex International, USA: Oii-USA.org  

2) Organization Intersex International: Oii-Australia

3) Organization Intersex International Network (World Wide list)

4) Intersex Support for Parents (Closed FB Group)

5) Houston Intersex Society

6) InterACT Advocates for Intersex Youth: interactadvocates.org

7) StopIGM.org (Ending intersex genital mutilation) 

8) Mx. Anunnaki Ray Gender/INTERSEX Activist, Educator, Writer and Speaker



References:  Important articles and data that shows me it is time to include intersex to LGBTQ:  

  1. The Forgotten Vowel: How Intersex Liberation Benefits the Entire LGBTQIA Community By Hida Viloria
  2. How Intersex People Identify By Hida Viloria and Dana Zzyym
  3. Cis Gender, Transgender, and Intersex By Cary Costello Ph.D.
  4. On Eugenic Abortion of the Intersex By Cary G. Costello Ph.D.
  5. THEIR TIME After generations in the shadows, the intersex rights movement has a message for the world: We aren’t disordered and we aren’t ashamed
  6. Demographics of intersex people in Australia borrowed from Oii-Australia:

Quote:  An independent 2015 survey of 272 people born with atypical sex characteristics has provided us with good statistical information for the first time. The survey was led by Dr. Tiffany Jones of the University of New England, and it was published in February 2016. It shows very diverse understandings of intersex bodies, sexes, and genders.

Graphics below borrowed from Demographics from Oii-Australia:

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Assuming that human sexual behavior is similar to Australia globally, as you can now see, the evidence from Oii-Australia shows the need.  Thus helping all infants and children be taught that they are ok being born into the bodies they are born into, regardless of how their sexual orientation, gender identity, or actual biological sex is recognized by this world when they become adults.  Adults who may or may not even need marriage equality, if we grow up to appear gay or lesbian.  Here is a personal blog that shares about how my family needs intersex inclusion: Are my Husband and I Gay Men Now? How We Became Sexual Minorities, Our Intersex Love Story.

Regardless of how us intersex people appear to this world when we grow up, the self-determination of gender and our genital integrity is our human right.

Here are Helpful LGBTQIA+ Definitions that help to explain Human Sexuality. 

If you would like guidance on adding the “I” responsibly to your organizations’ acronyms please contact me: 

 

 

 


Important blogs I have written that support adding the “I” to LGBTQ+: 

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Anonymous Messages, Human Rights, Prejudice, Relationships

An Anonymous Message from a Suicidal Intersex Survivor

WE ARE HUMAN with Feather

I have been helping an intersex survivor and asked to share their words to this world.  I Hope this makes everyone give pause.  It is no wonder why the suicide rate is so high.  I have felt the same at times:

I may seem like a strong person, but in reality, I am fragile deep inside, you have no clue to my daily battles, you have no clue what it’s like to be in my skin. When people treat me different I feel it deep within and though I shouldn’t let things get to me, they do, for I have to fight every day to be just me, when people see only my disability and disorders, you fail to see that I am just as good a human being like anyone else, so fuck you for making me feel worthless and unworthy of love, friendship and happiness like anyone else, because of the way I look and the way I was born.

I do dream of a day I will be seen just as human being with the same needs and wants as any other human being, sure my body is different, but so is the colour of your hair, and eyes, I am just another variance of the human experience, I get treated poorly by gay guys because of my feminine features and treated like I’m not worthy of love, friendship and dates. My experience with date sites has been nothing more than a million question time and curiosity seekers, never thinking I’m a person just like them.

Intersex is not a deformation of the human body, it is natural variance of the human experience, intersex is not a taboo, what is taboo is the ignorance of a society that has little to no respect for others in their own unique form, being intersex is not a religious sin of deformation, but what is a sin is you lack of acceptance and love, and further more intersex people are just that people, intersex people are within every facet of society and are worthy of love, peace and compassion, and if you fail to be on that Level of equality with any type of person then you have failed in being a child of God and you have failed to be a true human being with good humble values.

Maybe this world change, and become a nicer place for people born with a difference, and words like this never have to be spoken again.

~.V.~

 

Cultural Dysphoria, Poems, Prejudice, Relationships, Self-Determination

Poem: Somebody else was in control

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They told me I had to be a girl.

Can you imagine being told you are a girl?

Somebody else was in control. 

At three years old, they told me my body could never pass as a boy.

Can you imagine being told your body is wrong at three?

Somebody else was in control.

So, as a teen, they locked me up for months at a time.

Stuffed poison into my body, to numb the pain.

I became a walking zombie.

Diagnosing me the sick one.

The wrong one.

The broken one.

 

Estrogen

Somebody stepped inside my soul.

Little by little they robbed and stole.

Somebody else was in control.

So, a girl emerged to please you.    

 

A lifetime wasted

I saved myself and emerged my birth right.

And now we have no family.

Because they think I am the wrong one.

You liars, you convinced this world! 

I have a will for survival.

So you can hurt me, and hurt me some more

I can live with denial

But you’re not my troubles anymore.

By Anunnaki Ray

July 18th, 2017

 

Dedicated to U2 – The Troubles

(This link will take you to Youtube).

 

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~.V.~

Civil Rights, Human Rights, Intersex Activist, Intersex Awareness, Intersex Erasure, Relationships, Short Messages

Stop Erasing us.

It is always interesting to me how some people would rather end a relationship, and sometimes end a long term friendship, than try to find in their hearts room for another type of person or culture. I become raw with it all.
It doesn’t matter even if they are blood and family. It doesn’t matter of they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. The rainbow does not always agree. I assure you! I have actually had an easier time changing the hearts of fanatical Christians, than the hearts of an LGBT person that depends heavily on a male/female gender binary to justify their existence.
I lived your reality for 46 years, and it almost killed me. I refuse to agree with this delusional world, when it comes to gender. Yes, to me it is a delusion, if it erased my right to exist in this world.
It’s societies turn to change. I am done conforming to a world that literally erased my right to exist, when I was standing in front of you! No, it doesn’t take an “open mind”; it takes common sense. If your mind is closed or not doesn’t matter to me. More like, OPEN YOUR EYES! When you open your eyes, you are no longer allowed to call me a disorder! How else do you describe my existence? The male/female binary is a social construct. It is not even based on good science if it is harming innocent children born intersex to this world.
I stand my ground. I change culture now so that little kids born like me have a place in society. WAKE UP WORLD! It is time to stop erasing us, mutilating us, aborting us, devaluing us, and outcasting us!
I long for that world that celebrates our birth. www.anunnakiray.com
Sincerely, Mx. Anunnaki Ray