Civil Rights · Gender Nonconforming · Intersex Awareness · Questions and Answers · Relationships · Self-Determination

Why when I go to the Emergency Room I mark Both the male and female box.

It is important to understand that for me, being born in the middle as intersex, I need to be medically and socially recognized, as both male and female, to get the proper care I might be needing if I show up at the hospital emergency room, or have to be hospitalized.

First of all, my body is not that of a typical dyadic female or dyadic male.  It is typical for a person born with natural intersex variations.  That is because my biological sex is intersex.  I have not been operated on, and my reproductive system, and genitals have not been altered.  So, my doctors need to know that when examining me, or if I am having problems with my reproductive system, they are going to see things that are not typical.  For example, my ovaries do not appear typical at all when viewed by ultrasound or CAT scan and my skeleton/pelvis is not that of a dyadic women.  I have strange looking ovaries, but am not in pain unless I was ovulating and that was acceptable to me since I wanted to keep my fertility.  Many experts have seen ovaries and immediately suggest that I must be in pain all the time and need immediately surgery, now that I appear a man.  I also have other atypical things going on within my reproductive system, that have never became a medical emergency.  I refuse to have surgery if I am not in pain.  If my ovaries are ok, they will remain in my body to continue to release the natural hormones they were created to do the job for.  I do not have body dysphoria, and want my genitals and reproductive system to be left alone.

Second, my gender, and how I feel my personality to be, is very non-conforming.   Socially I need to be respected as being intersex too.  I may appear either a female or a male in my mannerisms, and my appearance.  My body is very androgynous and it can sometimes confuses people.   I am often mixed up as being transgender even.   Since I am a 46 XX intersex person, that appears a man to this world now, they need to know that too, and that I want to hear male pronouns, or neutral pronouns.  That just because my chromosomes say I am a “girl”, doesn’t mean I am a girl. I am an androgynous, inter-gender, non-conforming male, and have genitals that are not typical to either a typical male or a female.

Third, I legally changed my gender marker to male on my driver’s license, but purposely kept my legal name my birth name, Antoinette.   My birth certificate remains the same as when I was born too.  So, when they see me, they see a female legal name, and a male gender marker.  This immediately honors who I truly am, and they are then I ask them to use my nickname, to address me, since I obviously do not relate to being an “Antoinette” anymore.  Those nicknames being “Ant”, or “Nnaki”.  I also prefer that they use Mx., instead of Mr. or Mrs.  I have never had problems with them honoring this.

Last, I will not be changing my birth certificate to male.  I want to wait until I get the right to change it to intersex.   Right now I do not have that legal ability to do that easily.  I am waiting for this country to catch up so it will not be such a battle. I greatly appreciate those intersex activist that are making this a possible reality in the future for all of us!

Related Blogs:

The two of us, born intersex and named ‘Antoinette’ at our birth.

Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphalus, and Clitoromegaly.

Mx. Anunnaki Ray and They, Them, Their.

Why did I name myself Anunnaki Ray?

The male/female binary is a Myth!

Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet

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Gender Nonconforming · Intersex Awareness · Intersex People · Questions and Answers · Self-Determination · Transgender

Intersex VS Intergender. Do Intersex Transexuals Exist?

What is Intersex?

Intersex is general term used for natural bodily variations in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.  Some forms of intersex also naturally occurs after birth and later in life, however these are all naturally occurring bodily variations.  In humans, it is a variation in sex characteristics, including chromosomes, hormones, gonads, or genitals that do not allow an individual to be distinctly identified as male or female.

Just like anyone else, an intersex person can have any gender, sexual orientation, or gender expression. The “rules” of the heteronormative binary, male and female, often do not work for intersex people. Since intersex is a way to describe a person’s biological sex, it should not be confused as  gender identity  , or with transgender  gender identity issues.

Dyadic: A word used to describe someone who is not born intersex. Dyadic people are born with sex characteristics which could be categorized them either as typical female or typical male. Dyadic people can have any gender identity,  sexual orientation, or gender expression.

Note: In the past, and in some countries, the term “hermaphrodite” is used to describe people born intersex. Depending on the country or the person, this can be considered offensive. Always ask to make sure it is ok to use the word hermaphrodite. Please always ask if it is ok to say in your country. Some accept it, and some do not now.

To learn about some of the worse human rights violations known to this planet, please visit the United Nations Intersex Fact Sheet PDF.

What is Intergender?

Intergender is a gender identity that is considered a non binary term.  Some feel it fits under the transgender umbrella terms.  Intergender people have a gender identity that is in the middle between the binary genders of female and male, or lies on that spectrum between the binary genders of female and male.  Some inter gender people may be a mix of both.

Note: The word “intergender” has been independently coined by different people at different times, resulting in two main differences in meaning:

1. Some believe that this term, intergender, is an identity label that any person can use. Even if they are not intersex (dyadic) themselves, they can declare themselves intergender.

2. Others believe that “intergender” can only be used by people who are intersex, and that intergender is an identity only for intersex people.   Some believe that intersex people need words for their gender identities that correlate only with intersex bodies.  These people feel that in this case, dyadic nonbinary people should respect intersex people, by taking up a different non-binary label than intergender for themselves.  It might be more respectful if they used  androgyne, bigender, gender fluid or queer to describe themselves instead.

I personally believe that the Self-Determination of gender is the right of any person.  I believe any person has the right to declare themselves “intergender”.  However, only a naturally born intersex person, should declare themselves born “intersex”.  

The Gender expression of an Intergender person: 

Some intergender people see it as solely a matter of gender identity, and therefore do not feel they have to dress in a particular kind of gender expression. They may even be satisfied with an appearance that fits within the gender binary, and conform to societies expectations of how a typical female and typical male dresses; even though their gender identity does not conform to binary notions.  However, other intergender people will dress androgynous and have a gender expression that is a mixture of both typical male and female.   They may or may not,  express their intergender identity through their personality or activities such as crossdressing or “interdressing”.  They may or may not  the intentions of being seen as any particular gender.

The Assignment of Sex  VS  The Assignment of Gender 

Sex Assignment is done surgically and with the use of hormones, and requires a physician and surgeon.  Gender assignment is declaring one’s gender identity, and is a feeling within oneself.  Much like their personality, and does not require surgery or hormones to declare.

Note: Some people legally change their gender now, depending on the laws of their government, and do not ever feel they have to undergo sex assignment surgeries.

Intersex Transexual do exist, however they were born Dyadic NOT Intersex.

Transitioning to appearing “Intersex”

Some non binary people, who were born dyadic, have described their transition as one that will make their body more “intersex”, and call themselves female-to-intersex or male-to-intersex transsexuals.  Through surgical assignment, or with the aid of hormones, some intergender, or non binary people wish to transition to a body that has traits in between female and male, or wish it to be more like a naturally born intersex body.  These dyadic people may call themselves female to intersex, or male to intersex transsexuals, or female to intersex, or male to intersex transgender.

This type of person starts out as a dyadic person.  They were NOT born biologically as intersex.  They had  surgical or hormonal interventions to create “intersex” with the help of a surgeon or physician.  They often do these surgeries, so that their bodies can match their mind.  This type of person, I feel, does not have the right to claim they were born intersex.  They are simply a transexual, or transgender person, who has transitioned to appearing intersex.

If you are confused about certain definitions used, please visit my pages: LGBTQIA+ Definitions and Human Sexuality.  

WE ARE HUMAN with Feather

References used: 

Helpful LGBTQIA+ Definitions and  Human Sexuality

Nonbinary.org Wiki Intergender

Here is my autobiography:  About Mx. Anunnaki Ray 

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Bridge Building · Celebrations · Emancipation · Freedom · Gender Nonconforming · Human Rights Violations · Intersex Activist · Intersex Awareness · Questions and Answers · Relationships

The two of us, born intersex and named ‘Antoinette’ at our birth.

God-incidence or Serendipity? 

What ever you call it, it felt like a miracle.  

I was finally coming to terms with who I was as a human being.  This was after having a life time of not feeling real, and being thrown away by many doctors, therapist and psychiatrists, who had tried to ‘fix me’.  

I was an Intersex human being.  Not male, not female, something in between.

The fact is, back in the late 60’s, when I was born I was assigned a girl.  My mother had once shared she wanted a little boy named Anthony, but instead she would have to turn that name into:

Antoinette

My nickname as a teen ‘girl’ would later become

Toni and Ant

Little did anyone know, somewhere around the world in Australia, another miracle was born intersex.  They too were named a girls name, and assigned female and that name was: 

Antoinette 

And their nickname would later become

Tony

And here we were, meeting on Facebook for the first time, March 2015, and have become dear friends ever since!  Wow! 

Here is that story: It was October 2014, when I finally decided I would never do the things to conform as a typical women ever again.  I had gotten very sick and disabled.  Doctors did not know how to help me, and most had given up on me and  I had gotten used to be patient abandoned for not wanting to endure their medical regimen. I quickly became sexually taboo.

I did not want to lose my beauty.  I always felt like an androgynous person.  I emerge from  a wheelchair, and a cane.  Disability had become my reality.  I was sleeping in my house, up to sixteen hours a day in a hospital bed, because I could not even lay down flat anymore.  I felt I might die.  I received my disability by my country even.  I wished for death, that is for sure, and everyone who knew me back then knew how sick I had become.

I then figured out I could get better eating a special diet and by changing my hormones and by honoring my own truth. Soon after that I started to search other people born intersex like me.  There they were, the two articles about Tony Briffa, from Australia.

At first glance, I did not see the coincidence at first.  

I read, and there it was, their birth name:

Antoinette 

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When Tony Briffa was seven years old doctors in Australia made a choice that was never theirs to make – castration.
Tony was born with healthy testes, as well as a vagina, and doctors decided it made more sense for Tony to live life as a woman – called Antoinette.
But Tony – who was born intersex – never felt comfortable being a woman, or a man for that matter.
“Nature – many would say God – made me a healthy hermaphrodite… I tried my best to be a woman but I couldn’t keep up the lie forever. Something was going to give.
“At 30 I rejected what the doctors had done to me and started living life as a man. I was open about my past, about the way I was born, and what doctors had done to me. Now, at the age of 44, I am comfortable explaining I am both a man and a woman,” Tony tells Times of Malta.

Taken from: ‘Healthy Hermaphrodite’ is both man and woman

And another one about Tony Briffa

At birth, Tony Briffa’s doctors couldn’t determine his gender. He had a rare intersex condition known as Incomplete Testicular Feminisation that made his gonads release estrogen even though he genetically tested as male. So on his doctor’s advice his parents raised him as a girl named Antoinette—they painted his room pink, gave him dolls at Christmas and made him wear frilly dresses to school.

The frequent hospital visits for hormone therapy and surgery made him feel like a freak: his parents had him castrated at age seven and even though he told his doctors as a pre-teen that he felt like a boy, they ignored him and continued administering female hormone therapy, something that filled him with desperation and thoughts of suicide as he entered his teenage years.

Taken from: The Amazing Heartbreaking Story of Tony Briffa, The World’s First Openly Intersex Mayor

That day I wrote Tony.  I was confused back then after being guided by misinformed doctors and psychiatrist.  My first notes to them no doubt reflected such confusion.  To my doctors here, I remain a disorder, a syndrome and a medical condition.  They were  even trying to convince me I was transgender.   The medical system in the USA can be very confused about intersex and gender.

I knew one thing, without permission from those who had been surgically violated, I was not going to use the word “intersex”or “hermaphrodite”.   My heart was secretly broken by what has happened to their bodies surgically, without consent as a child.   I did not want to offend anyone.  I had been violated, but it had been mostly by psychiatry.  My physical body remains whole, what would they say?

So, with much bravery I also reached out to six amazing people born intersex: Tony Briffa, along with Tiger Devore, Ph.D.,  Cary Costello, Hida Viloria, Gavan H. Coleman, and Pidgeon Pagonis.  Six of the most tolerant and loving people I have ever met on this Earth.  Around that same time my path would also cross with Judi Herring, M.D., who had created the TEDx months before meeting me: Gender Bound, Lessons from the World Between.   This too, will always feel like a god-incidence and serendipity!  Judi and I have been working together ever since September 2015.  Together we have done public talks, speaking to schools, visiting the city council, and have even spoken to the human rights commissioner here in our city.  We have become very dear and close friends.

Wow, with the opinion of all of them,  I  learned that I was not born a “freak”,  a “disorder”, “syndrome”,  or “condition”, and I surely  was not “mentally derange”!  With that permission, and blessing form all of them, and with Judi Herring, M.D. standing by my side,  I became empowered!  I decided to tell the world I too was born intersex, and share my intersex story .  It has been a huge honor to add  my message to theirs in ending tragedy from happening to one more innocent child.

One thing that is most amazing, is that all of us have two big things in common.   First, we all find it very special that we were all born BOTH  male and female, and most of all we like to celebrate it.   All of us are also  gender nonconforming too,  but in different ways!   To me that is serendipity at it’s best!  

The second thing we have in common, is we all have over came so much trauma, due not conforming to the male and female binary.  With that experience and pain, each of us have taken all that ugliness, and all our  bad experiences,  and now help the world with it. 

So there you have it!  

Two people born with natural bodily variations, known as INTERSEX, with the same birth name

Antoinette!  

Planet Earth is an amazing small place when you start to think about it!   

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Mx. Anunnaki Ray November 2016

Thank you for visiting my intersex story!  

You can read here:  Why did I named myself Anunnaki Ray.

Please also visit the UNITED NATIONS’ INTERSEX FACT SHEET, to learn more about intersex violations and what you personally can do yo help us end it. 

UNITED WE WILL CHANGE THIS WORLD!


End Note:  An intersex person can have any gender identity, and any sexual orientation.   Also, our biological sex does not equal our gender.  I believe that the Self-determination of Gender is our Human Right, and that our sexuality should not be decided for us as children,  our parents, by medical, psychological experts, or the government.   


You can watch Tony Briffa here with their life story here: 

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Gender Nonconforming · Relationships · Self-Determination · Transgender

Today is: “Gender Correct Day”

I have a dear lady friend.  Her name is Synthia Roy, and she lives in my city.  She now lives her authentic gender, after being assigned male at birth.   Her insight about what is happening around the definition of transgender, in our city, has truly concerned me.  I would like to talk about two issues.  Those who are jumping into transition without care, too fast, and those who are calling themselves “transgender” when we both personally feel they are not.

She feels that being “transgender” is  in style now.  She calls some of the kids (teens and young adults) who think they are trans “Trans Hipsters”.

FIRST 

First of all, Synthia  sees that the message of transgender is being changed into something she feels it is not.  To her transgender means to go from one thing to another.  A complete transition from one gender to another.  As in a complete transition from male to female (MTF), or a transition from female to male (FTM).

However, she now sees teens and young adults not truly realizing the seriousness of this; and like a McDonald’s Happy Meal, doing everything super fast.  We see people going in for  HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), and having surgeries, that they may or may not later regret.  This is a “fast food” world, after all. She sees many “transitions” ending with the person stuck in the middle; and not truly a transition from one gender to the other at all.   She sadly has witnessed such “trans hipsters” de-transitioning back into their birth assigned gender; after reality hits.  That reality being that they are now a hated sexual minority; with the loss of work, family, friends and all the other sad things that happen.  When the seriousness of what it truly means to be transgender comes to light, most of these “trans hipsters” bail out.  A truly transgender person could never bail out of owning their authentic gender.

SECOND 

Second, we both feel that if somebody is gender non-conforming,  non-binary, or gender queer, that is fine.  Just don’t call it transgender.  We feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with non-conforming, non-binary, or gender queer.  However, don’t take on the label of transgender.   After all there is no transition from MTF or FTM.   I might also educate, as for being intersex, a person can not become intersex or transition to being intersex.  There is no such thing as transitioning to intersex.

CONCLUSION 

Being that I was born intersex, and having to do things hormonally to appear female and now male; I could relate to being transgender in many ways.  However, never felt truly comfortable saying I was transgender due to never having a complete transition.   I now see this problem in our city and in our country.  For my friend Synthia Roy and me, it has created an atmosphere where one doesn’t want to say they are “transgender” anymore.  Like me, Synthia also feels she reclaimed her true gender as well.

So in conclusion to this problem,  she said, from this day forward instead of saying that she is “Transgender”, now that transgender has turned into something else,  she is going to say she is “GENDER CORRECT“.  I personally love it!   I too appreciate being able to say I am “gender correct” now, after living my wrong gender most my life.

So, as of today, November 29th, 2016; Synthia Roy and I hereby declare this day:

“GENDER CORRECT DAY!”

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Gender Nonconforming · Intersex Awareness · Questions and Answers · Self-Determination

Anunnaki shares his life story

Here is my story in short:

I believed I was a disorder, a condition, and a syndrome most my life. It took Pidge Pagonis, Hida Viloria, Cary Gabriel Costello Ph.D., Tiger Devore Ph.D., Tony Briffa, Buck Angel,  Judi Herring, M.D., and many other amazing souls, to help me realize that my adrenal condition (Non-Classical CAH), and PCOS, were in deed an intersex variation; that I was not out of my mind for feeling like I was the male gender, although I was assigned female at birth. That I was NOT a disorder, and that I could exist my true gender.  Here are more details about me; my autobiography:  About Mx. Anunnaki Ray (With videos).

My life, like many, was taken from me; thanks to a world that wants to erase intersex existence, and try to force us all to comform to two binary boxes, either male or female. Yes, I went through much therapy to learn I was a girl, and conform to being a girl. For 46 years, I conformed to being a very “strange” girl. The consequences almost took my life.
I am often asked, is your body more “Male” or “female”. I know what they are getting at, but will never answer in a way that would satisfy their need to comfirm their believes around the male/female binary. I am a XX46 Intersex person, assigned female at birth, and my true gender is that of a gender non-conforming male. Therefore, my ENTIRE BODY, including my chromosomes, belong to me, and are also male. For one simple reason, my body belongs to me.

Some would say that makes me “transgender”. Well, Yes and No.  I blocked testosterone to appear female, and took more female hormones. So I suppose in a way I did trans women things at one point.  And now, I inject a bit more testosterone, to help with my steroid deficiency in my body, and to also give me the secondary sex characteristics I so very much desire to have. With that, since most my life I appeared female, and socialized as female, I suppose I also relate to trans men.

But, I don’t feel I am in the wrong body, and will not have chest masculinization surgery, or any more surgery, unless absolutely medically necessary. Due to having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Mitochondrial Dysfunction, I have already had eighteen surgeries! I am not thrilled to be told I would need more to appear a typical man. Plus, I will be honest, I am very fortunate to have all sexual function and pleasure. I am certain surgery would mess with all that!

I have been with my husband for twenty-eight years, I am proof we are lovable. We also have a family, and three kids.  So we are capable of having families too.  Do we appear “gay”, yes! To people who don’t get to know the details, they assume all sorts of things.
Thanks to much love from the intersex community, transgender community, and others, I now fully embrace that I am an intersex person, and a gender non-conforming, androgynous person.

There are just too many “genders” in this universe to cram us all into two boxes. I always say gender is a personal thing and not related to our chromosomes, hormones, genitals or reproductive system. Transgender people truly get that one.  It is time those medical personal that see us intersex babies born, get it too! Worrying about our future sexual orientation, and how we appear to the world with genitals and other characteristics that do not conform, should not be the issues here; when sexual sensation, fertility, and surgeries we later wish we did not have, are happening to us with out our consent as children. There are simply too intersex people who have survived non-consenting surgeries, who are very unhappy.

Thank God my parents never had me operated on, and I never received clitorial reduction, or the removal of my “strange ovaries”; that they all said would be “cancerous”. I have to thank a Catholic Priest for that. My mother joked that she wanted to name me Anthony. Even with therapy to teach me I was a girl, I later became their “tom boy”, and now I am legally their son.

Nope…48 years old, no cancer of any kind. And, although I had a very difficult time getting pregnant, and maintaining a pregnancy; after 4 pregnancy losses, we did have two amazing biological kids. We adopted our youngest. My kids call me Vader, which means father, and I consider myself a Seahorse daddy, since I had two babies c-section. My body could have never naturally birthed a baby.

Please, if you are a parent, learn our stories before you allow doctors to cram your kid into a binary box. We can exist. WE ARE REAL.It is truly society that needs fixed, and with LGBT on the for front, this world is changing for us intersex born people too.

I am a BRIDGE BUILDER

Am I Transgender? Can an intersex person be transgender?

Doctors call us a disorder, defect, or syndrome, when we are born. We are simply INTERSEX.

Gender is Not in our Genitals

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Gender Nonconforming · Intersex Awareness · Transgender

Am I Transgender? Can an intersex person be transgender?

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Before I answer, below,  if I am transgender, or can an intersex person be transgender, let me educate about four things first.  Biological Sex,  Transgender, Gender Identity and Secondary Sex Characteristics.

BIOLOGICAL SEX: 

Biological Sex: It is typically assigned, at birth, by the “authorities”, based on the appearance of our external genitals, gonads, sex chromosomes, and sex hormones. Our gender, gender expression, and sexual orientation are often assumed by these two things; even though our gender has nothing to do with our genitals, hormones, or chromosomes. This strict division of male and female is often referred to as dyadic or  “binary”. The reality is, there are many different types of bodies out there, other than the typical male or the typical female body.

Dyadic: A word used to describe someone who is not born intersex. Dyadic people are born with sex characteristics which could be categorized them either as typical female or typical male. Dyadic people can have any gender identity, sexual orientation, or gender expression.  Dyadic is often described as the “Male/Female Binary”.

Male: Is the physiological sex that produces sperm. Most male mammals, including male humans, have one Y and one X chromosomes.

Female: Is the sex of an organism, or a part of an organism, that produces non-mobile ova (egg cells). Most female mammals, including most female humans, have two X chromosomes.

INTERSEX: Is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male. In humans, it is a variation in sex characteristics, including chromosomes, hormones, gonads, or genitals that do not allow an individual to be distinctly identified as male or female. Just like anyone else, an intersex person can have any gender, sexual orientation, or gender expression. The “rules” of the heteronormative binary, male and female, often do not work for intersex people.

The definition of TRANSGENDER: 

Transgender is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from what is typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth.  Many transgender people are prescribed hormones by their doctors to change their bodies, and help them to develop secondary sexual characteristics. Some can even undergo surgery as well.  However,  not all transgender people can or will take those steps, and a transgender identity is not dependent upon medical procedures.

Further, some have tried to say intersex is under the “transgender umbrella”.  This is simply not so.  Not all intersex are assigned wrong at birth, and not all intersex people feel transgender.

GENDER IDENTITY:  

Gender Identity is one’s internal sense of being male, female, neither of these, both, or another gender(s).  Everyone has a gender identity.  It is like our personality.   For transgender people, their sex assigned at birth and  their own internal sense of gender identity are not the same. We have six common gender identities: Female, woman, and girl and male, man, and boy.  However, there are many more, such as:  Gender Queer, Gender Fluid, Inter-gender, Non-conforming gender, and more.  You can learn more about human sexuality here:  LGBTQIA+ Helpful Definitions of Human Sexuality

SECONDARY SEX CHARACTERISTICS: 

Sex hormones are very powerful things.  They create secondary sex characteristics.  Secondary sex characteristics are features that appear at sexual maturity in people and typically happens during puberty and adolescence.

In females, breasts are a manifestation of higher levels of estrogen; estrogen also widens the pelvis and increases the amount of body fat in hips, thighs, buttocks, and breasts.  In males, testosterone directly increases size and mass of muscles, vocal cords, and bones, deepening the voice, and changing the shape of the face and skeleton.  When the body converts testosterone  into DHT in the skin, it accelerates growth of androgen-responsive facial and body hair.  Needless to say it can also slow and eventually stop the growth of head hair.

In an intersex person, we do not always have typical secondary sex characteristics, due to our bodies being intersex.  Some of us can have a mixture of male and female traits and appear both male and female.  However, some intersex people can appear very typical to the expectations of male and female.

Now that you know these FOUR things I will answer: Am I Transgender? 

Here is my grand conclusion after educating myself about transgender, and talking to many trans women and trans men.

So, what happened to me?

I was born intersex in 1967, and assigned female at birth, and raised female.  You can read more about my form of intersex here in my autobiography.  As a young child I had to go to therapy due to “gender confusion”.  You see, I thought I was a boy.

I first blocked my testosterone, and took female hormones,  so that it would help my intersex body to appear more female.  I did these things to conform to appearing female from the 198o’s  to 2014.  It was not all misery appearing female.  I liked make-up, beautiful hair styles, and even the ways of feminine dress up.  This was my gender expression.  I never felt female.

All the things I was doing to live as and appear female, lead to great sickness, disability and a complete loss of my true identity.   Since October of 2014, I have stopped doing everything female.

I now allow my own androgens that are created by my adrenals and my ovaries/gonads.  I also stopped taking any supplemental female hormones. By December of 2014 I started injecting more  testosterone.  This has lead to more secondary sex characteristics known as “masculine features.”   I would call this self-determination of my true gender; since I knew, as a young child I was born male.

Unlike most transgender men, I wanted at one time to appear female.  I tried to conform to societies rules about being female.   I became very sick, disabled and it almost took my life.

Now, unlike a transgender woman, I now want to appear male, and look forward to my beard coming in and dressing and doing everything to conform to male.  The only thing I will not do is cut my hair to conform to appearing a typical male.  When I appeared female, I hated my body hair, and facial hair.  This mostly due to societal expectations of the female having to abide to social norms in appearance.  So…….

My Answer:  Do you consider yourself transgender? 

So, when I am asked if I am transgender I will say, Yes!   However, obviously not in the same way as a typical transgender person.  I can relate to both transgender women and men.

First of all, my physical body appears both male and female, due to having intersex traits and I do not want surgery.  I do not want to conform to the expectations of appearing a typical male or female.   I love my body and do not have gender dysphoria.  I love that I was able to give birth to our children, and call myself a Seahorse Dad even.  You can read about that here: I am a Seahorse Dad.

Second, I literally can relate to things BOTH trans men and trans woman go through.  I love the transgender friends I have made because of this.  I can relate to both my transgender male friends and transgender female friends, very well; and in ways most could never imagine being able to identify with both.

To explain this with labels, since the world loves labels, I now call myself an intersex, inter gender, gender nonconforming, androgynous, queer male.   Here is a related blog: Why was I diagnosed with gender dysphoria?

The world often asks:  Can an intersex person be transgender? 

Yes!

Yes, some intersex people, assigned wrong at birth call can later call themselves transgender if they were assigned the wrong gender.

They also can go through a legal transition to correct this error at birth.  It is very important to never assume one’s labels though.  Ask the person, if you have questions. I share only my experience here.  Not all intersex people are alike.

However, just because an intersex person does not agree with their birth assignment, does not always mean they relate to being transgender.  Plus, again, some intersex people are assigned correctly at birth, and this too would not make them transgender.   Therefore, like I shared above, intersex should never fall under the Transgender Umbrella, and I hope this stops.  Although this group is no longer active, here is what Intersex Society of North America says about this topic: What’s the difference between being transgender or transsexual and having an intersex condition?

I will end this blog with introducing you to one of my friends.  Here is a man who identifies as both transgender and intersex: Cary G. Costello, Ph.D., whom considers themselves an intersex transgender man.  Here is his blog you can visit where he talks about if an intersex person can be “cis gender” or not.  He has an interesting suggestion of using the term “ipso gender” to describe intersex people who do not transition:  “Cis Gender, Ipso Gender” By Cary G. Costello Ph.D.  You may also want to read this blog I wrote: Intersex VS Intergender. Do Intersex Transexuals Exist?

The above Memes are From:  Intersex Day.org

Intersex Doesn't Fall Under the Trans Umbrella

If you have questions or comment,  please feel free to contact me: 

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~.V.~

 

 

Gender Nonconforming · Intersex Awareness · Questions and Answers · Relationships · Self-Determination

Am I Angry I was raised a Girl?

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Am I angry I was raised a girl? The true emotions are devastated, overwhelmed, and crushed. This world was not better prepared for my arrival, nor more than it is prepared for a baby born like me now. So I share my life story to change this.

I wish my parents had been instructed to give ma an androgynous name, and just leave me to be, but that did not happen. The pain is reflected in my writing at times. People assume anger. I have been told that my writing is very intense and it’s very strong. That’s why it seems like anger, I guess.
Yes, devastated, overwhelmed and crushed are three very intense emotions.

I just know one thing. I was raised the wrong gender, and not allowed to express my true gender. I never wanted surgery and still do not. My choice would have been to leave me be. I do not agree with the assignment of gender, in infants, by the appearance of genitals, and I never will. I was born with intersex traits, both in my physical body and hormonally. You can read about me here.

If I knew what it is like to be a typical woman or a typical man, I might have anger. I have no idea what that would have been like. I can’t even pretend to know today.

Only people like myself can be truly empathetic to being raised the wrong gender. They understand the emotions, devastated, overwhelmed, and crushed. This world still has problems allowing me to simply be. I am Gender Non-conforming. I am “inter gender”. I have the gender expression of a male, and on the most part the voice of a guy. But, will never know what it is like to be a typical man. Even when I appeared as female, I had no idea what that truly would feel like. At times, I enjoyed being a beautiful woman though. I am not transgender, I do not have gender dysphoria. I now equally enjoy appearing male and my body can finally be at peace doing so.

Typical people can attempt on their empathy, but because they were not born with my sort of body, they simply will never know.

Sad to say, because of this inability to know, often times friends, family and allies say things that can upset me. So I try to explain what it is like to be a person born like me.

But no, I am not angry. I am devastated, overwhelmed and crushed.

Why couldn’t they have just left me be? One simple answer. The male/female binary and a social construct that does not allow this taboo. I was born taboo, and later in life my hormones became more unacceptable as female. With transgender people emerging all around, and more intersex people gaining their right to self-determination, this world is changing finally.

If You Have Been Brutaly Broken... Nikita Gill

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About Mx. Anunnaki Ray

Two diagnosis that bring in the cash $$ for surgeons, psychiatrist, and therapist: Disorders of Sex Development, and Gender Dysphoria

Poem: I was never in the wrong body. (With 5 Intersex flags from around the world.)

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