Prejudice, Questions and Answers, Human Rights Violations, Intersex Awareness, Intersex Erasure, United Nations

We are not rare!

I have a dear friend of mine who is an intersex survivor.  His name is Jeffrey A.  Benedict, and he has allowed me to share this with you today.   Like many of us intersex people, he has had those moments where he felt like the only one.

This world wants you to think we are rare.  We have been forced into shame, secrecy and taught to hide in the closet even.  One day, Jeffrey wanted to know if it was true.  So with Google one day, he came up with what you will read below and proved it is a myth to believe intersex is rare.  We are not rare!   The “I” will not stand for invisible anymore.

According to current statistics Intersex effects 1.7% of the world’s population.  This means we are as common as people with red hair.  So, everyone has met an intersex person, you just might not have known you have.

The world’s population is 7.5 Billion, so 1.7% of 7.5 Billion equals out to 127,500,000.00. People! 

So there are 127.5 Million people on this planet that were born Intersex.

In others words, it would be as if everyone in China’s three largest cities was born Intersex. Guanqzhou pop: 44,294,245 Shandhi pop: 35,965,403 Chongqing pop: 30,165,000 Total 110,424,648

And we still got room for 10 million more here ( in other words 10 million short).

I could also be as if everyone in India’s four largest cities was born Intersex.  Mumbai pop: 12,442,373 Delhi pop: 11,034,555 Bengaluru pop: 4,301,326 Hyderabad pop: 6,731,790 Total 34,510,044, and this does not even come close.  In fact, you would need all of the twenty-five most populated cities in India to be born Intersex to equal the actual number of 127.5 million!

It would also be as if everyone in America’s most populated States was born Intersex. California pop: 39,250,017, Texas pop: 27,862,596, Florida pop: 20,612,439, New York pop: 19,745,289.  Which is a total 107,470,341, so there is still 20 million Intersex people left over (20 million short).

As if every person in Japan were born intersex population: 126,670,000  (and we would still be about a million short).

As if every person born in Mexico were born Intersex population 123,364,426

As if every person in the Philippines was born Intersex population 104,718,00

As if every person in Germany was born Intersex population 82,800,000

As if every person in Iran was born Intersex population 80,493,700

Last, it is as if every person in Russia was born Intersex as long as you don’t count the Crimean peninsula which the Ukraine claims to be theirs.

There you have it.  We are not rare! 

Thank you, Jeffrey, for putting this in a perspective that anyone can wrap their mind around.  You can read about Jeffrey’s intersex story here:  Learning I Am Intersex 5 Years Later

Here is the United Nations Intersex Fact Sheet.

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Intersex Awareness, Intersex Phobia, Prejudice, Relationships, Short Messages

PTSD and being an Intersex Survivor during the Holidays

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I have a few friends, like myself, who have horrible PTSD, and who were violated in various ways and also assigned the wrong gender. The cost: their genitals, fertility, not knowing what they would have naturally looked like, losing friends, losing family, losing their jobs; every aspect of their lives touched and sometimes destroyed by ignorance or outright bigotry.

We are the victims and survivors of attempted genocide and eugenics. Of course, we are broken and learning desperately to create a life for ourselves out of the pieces.

The Holidays are very hard for some of us. We do visit a dark place at times. We need your patience, your love, your empathy. Walk with us during the storms, do not try to fix us.  Love us gently, listen with care, and be there for us.

There is no magic wand, no drug, no prescription, no amount of alcohol, no doctor, no perfect therapy that can fix this form of grief around being violated.

For me, learning to ride the storms is the only method that has worked. Knowing that these storms will end and to remember to dance in the rain, and hold on like hell during the tsunamis!  I do not want to die, but wanting to end this pain is very real at times.  I know of many intersex survivors who get this.   Many of us don’t even feel like we are from this world, we feel like alien outcasts or alien visitors.

With all this said, most important I have learned to allow people to love me and go out of my way to love others who fight this same battle.  This world has to stop hurting people like us and celebrate our births again.

Loving you, if you get this. Stay strong

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Human Rights Violations, Poems, Prejudice, Relationships

Poem: I am a cliff climber

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No words need to be said.

Yes, it is utterly and horrifically overwhelming at times

I rarely get a break

And once again

Over and over again

Shoved off the cliff

I am a cliff climber 

After fifty years I am damn good at it too

At least now I know

I am not alone

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No words need to be said

 

Mx. Anunnaki Ray
November 27, 2017

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I found this picture (above). Photograph Credits: Gordon Wiltsie/National Geographic/Caters News.  It was the best in describing how I feel today.
Bridge Building, Celebrations, Intersex Awareness, Intersex People, PFLAG, Relationships

PFLAG Rockford Chapter is the 2nd to become INTERSEX Inclusive.

I am excited to announce, and celebrate that  PFLAG Rockford Illinois is the second PFLAG Chapter to responsibly include intersex.   My chapter, PFLAG of Jacksonville is the first.  This happening after they made me their Director of Gender/INTERSEX Education.  It is my goal now to help other PFLAG chapters add the “I” responsibly.

While traveling to the PFLAG’s National conference in Portland, this October 2017, I met Phyllis Gallisath the Founder and President of PFLAG Rockford Chapter.   It was one of those serendipitous moments, where we discovered ourselves sitting on the plane together during my connection in Chicago.  We introduced ourselves and quickly learned that we were both headed to the same conference!  This was the beginning of a new and amazing relationship and some very long educational discussions around intersex.

During that time Phyllis opened her heart and her mind while learning the differences between LGBTQ and the special needs of us intersex people.  While also seeing that a good number of us intersex people and parents of intersex kids, are without inclusive community and supports due also identifying as LGBTQ+.

I gave my presentation at the National Conference, as a workshop, and during it, I talk about adding the “I” responsibility to LGBTQ+.   It is very important to me that the “I” is added with full responsibility and not carelessly.  My job going to PFLAG’s National conference was in honor of all us intersex people and the parents of intersex kids.  I am very excited to be doing this work!   This would not be happening without my friends and supporters from Jacksonville PFLAG Chapter, so a huge thank you to them too!

Thank you, Phylis, for making your PFLAG Chapter the second!

 

 

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Founder & President of Rockford PFLAG Chapter: Phyllis Gallisath with me at the airport traveling to the National PFLAG Conference in Oregon, 2017.

 

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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter

You can “like” their facebook page:  PFLAG Rockford Chapter

Here is their website: PFLAG Rockford Chapter


Book Mx. Anunnaki Ray To Come Speak 


My related Blogs Regarding Intersex Inclusion: 

Intersex Inclusive PFLAG Chapters

Why I feel INTERSEX should be added to the LGBTQ rainbow

Making History! PFLAG of Jacksonville, Florida, includes INTERSEX.

Adding the “I” responsibly to LGBT

If you would like to add the “I” with responsibility, I would love to show you how, and look forward to hearing from you too:

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Gender, Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Self-Determination, Transgender

A Penis and a Vagina does not Create our Gender Identity

I like to teach that gender is our personality and that a penis and a vagina does not create our gender identity. We are not assigned our personality, we just become it. Just like becoming left or right handed, or being able to be ambidextrous and use both hands.  We now trust a child to choose if they are left handed, right handed or ambidextrous when they are very young.

This analogy of handedness can be used when an intersex child is born both and even holds true for any child.  It holds true even if they are born with an endosex (not intersex) body.  All children figure out their gender and they do it relatively young and before they even start grade school.

My Thoughts Regarding Intersex Children:

Here is the United Nations’  intersex FACT SHEET.  I believe that genitals, reproductives systems, hormones, and chromosomes will never create our gender identity.

If we just relax and wait, I promise the baby will let the world know.  All of us who were assigned wrong at birth have all proven that no expert, no chromosomal test, no MRI, CatScan or blood test can determine the gender of any of us 100% of the time.   Yes, sometimes surgeries are medically necessary, but most the time they are only cosmetic and have horrible consequences.  This means a lot of errors have been made and permanently so with non-reversible surgeries.   I know too many un-happy intersex people to prove the experiment of assigning our gender surgically has failed miserably and has to stop.  The obvious solution is to wait and let the baby decide their gender.

My Thoughts Regarding Transgender Children: 

If we gave self-determination of gender to all humans, the diagnosis of gender dysphoria and the label ‘transgender’ would vanish too.   It is our culture that has decided what genitals belong to what gender.  Anything outside of that expectation is now called gender dysphoria.  When I feel it is truly a case of cultural dysphoria around genitals and gender.  However, the label transgender is very important to our culture right now, so we have to take on the discrimination that us transgender people face very seriously.

Yet, in the perfect world, if we gave self-determination to everyone, no one would have to transition or be diagnosed to do so.  Birth Certificates would now only take note that a human was born.  My friend, Mo Cortez, Intersex Advocate from Houston, once shared that maybe our blood type could be put on our birth certificate in place of male or female.  Is our gender marker truly necessary on our birth certificate?  Many feel it is not for many reasons.

One last note: Self-Determination is a human right, and only with consensual adults should genital cosmetic corrective surgeries be performed.  No government should dictate that an adult trans person has to have gender confirmation surgeries to validate their identity.  Surgery should remain a personal choice and not a requirement for a transition from one gender to the other.  Sex reassignment surgeries are also a solution for severe forms of gender dysphoria and should always be available to those who require it.  The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) states: 

“The medical procedures attendant to sex reassignment are not ‘cosmetic’ or ‘elective’ or for the mere convenience of the patient. These reconstructive procedures are not optional in any meaningful sense, but are understood to be medically necessary for the treatment of the diagnosed condition.”

Back to Intersex Natural Variations: 

Right now intersex variations are diagnosed as medical conditions.  When they are truly just naturally occurring natural bodily variations.  Can you imagine if we gave a diagnosis to male or female?  It is no different.  Intersex is the biological sex of an intersex person.  Just like anyone an intersex baby can grow up to have any gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation.   Surgeries are not going to keep these things from happening.  Yes, there are going to be gay, lesbian, and transgender appearing intersex kids and people, and the world has to get over itself.

A Gender Self-Determining World: 

If all children were no longer taught that their genitals made them a boy or a girl, and genital integrity was taught early on, wouldn’t this be a better world for intersex, transgender, and non-conforming people?  I believe that ‘no body is shameful’ and that a person can be the personality of any gender:  male, female, both or neither.

I also believe that it is not just intersex kids that need to learn that nobody is shameful.  It is all of us humans, especially transgender children.  Whom I feel are also being coerced to think they need genital surgeries when they grow up.

If everyone was given the self-determination of their gender, we might be very surprised to see a world emerge “gender nonconforming”: 

There are three ways to be a gender non-conformist:

1) Our physical bodies appearing both or neither.  We can be born biologically endosex (not intersex) or intersex.

2) Our Gender identity (our personality as male, female both or neither).

3) Our Gender Expression (how we dress, our hair, or appear to this world).

We can have one, two, or a mixture of these.  As you can see there will be many words and labels that describe all these states of being too.  I hope for a world that can evolve to stop thinking genitals create our gender and we can all just simply be with genital integrity.

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 Fix Society, Please.  

 Helpful Definitions of Human Sexuality

 

Fix Society with Angel Feather
Hope for a Better World.

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Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Intersex Phobia, Poems, Prejudice, United Nations

Poem: Little Baby in Africa

Little baby in Africa,

So innocent, so new.

Born both, to a world that disgraces you and mistakes your birth a curse.

Your mother who just gave birth,  in pain, yet has to run with you and hide you

from the snares of evil and those who want to do you both harm.

Please know we are praying for you both.

May God and heaven’s angels

protect you always from harm.

May your life and your genital integrity

be always yours.

My tears fall for you.

Please know I fight for you.

May this world become yours and keep you safe always.

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By Mx. Anunnaki Ray 

Intersex Day of Remembrance and Solidarity

November, 8th, 2017  

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United Nations Intersex Fact Sheet

Poem: I Promise to Be Your Voice

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