I am a survivor, a parent of three kids, a spouse, a musician, performer, and an artist. I am also a person born with intersex variations whose social activist work focuses on an individual’s right to bodily autonomy and the right to express their true gender. I believe that the Self-Determination of gender is every human beings right.
Through personal narrative and education, I hope to build bridges of understanding so that all people, no matter how they label themselves, may experience the wholeness that is a basic human right in a socially just world. I am highly motivated to do this work simply because I was hurt all my life by the mandates society put on me and I see other people being hurt, violated, and suffering. I do this out of love, and in hope of changing this world.
My blog has now proudly reached 151 countries. The work I do as a messenger is simply a work of compassion and genuine concern. I have become a Gender/INTERSEX Activist for all intersex, gender non-conforming, and transgender children who have no voice, and are being harmed. As an Ally you have now become a messenger too. Together we can make this a safer world for people who are intersex, those with intersex traits, transgender people, and for people who are gender non-conforming. Please help me to change this world.
I was born in the late 60’s a 46, XX Intersex person. So this means my biological sex is intesex, and not one of the dyatic sexes, the male sex, or the female sex. My intersex traits were such that they assigned me female at birth, and raised female, but this was not my true gender. Biological Sex, and Gender are two different things. Although I was born intersex, I was born of the male gender. But, I am a gender non-conforming male. Gender non-conforming refers to people who do not follow the stereotypes about gender. For the longest time I used the word “androgynous” to describe my gender and natural appearance, and I still like it the best. I knew they had made error calling me a girl, as young as three and four years old; the world was not ready to listen to me, and I did not have a voice until now.
It would take a life of much emotional, physical pain and suffering that finally lead me to the courage of reclaiming my true self at forty-six years old. Due to psychiatric and medical mismanagement, I almost died on several occasions. This including, multiple suicide attempts, iatrogenic harm, multiple miscarriages, and over eighteen surgeries. My differences also lead to being a social outcast, and many family members have not wanted anything to do with me, or my family. Being an outcast has even justified rape, and being beaten. Prejudice, and not being understood has affected my family in many ugly ways.Although many people with intersex variations are healthy; I deal with many health concerns that have confused and frustrated doctors.
Later in my life several genetic and metabolic specialist would discover that, along with being born with intersex traits, muscle biopsy, intestinal biopsy, and genetic testing proves that I also deal with mitochondrial dysfunction, oxidative phosphorylation disorder, atypical Celiac Disease (a significant gluten, and carbohydrate intolerance; with positive villus biopsy), along with a variant of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Which all causes a multitude of symptoms, including autonomic dysfunction, also known as dysautonomia. These conditions, together have caused me many of the problems of Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH), but it is unclear yet. This is what the Novel Activist says about this form of intersex: Intersexed: CAH and the Prader Scale.
My hormone levels have never been typical, and it is said it will take a biopsy of my ovaries to prove, or disprove True Gonadal Intersex, which a few have suspected. Virilization has happened to my body. At this time, they have often assumed my “strange ovaries” and fluctuating male hormones (androgens), to be caused by a severe case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and/or by differences in my adrenal function. The problem with this rationale is that my symptoms are very different than other PCOS people, and an examination of my physical body does not match that of PCOS. I don’t fit CAH perfectly either.
To top this off, I also deal with many of the problems of Autism Spectrum Disorder, and have found much help in the autism community. It ends up that autism is often a part of mitochondrial dysfunction and celiac disease. I also know a few intersex people, who have also been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, or personally claim to be on the autism spectrum. I find these commonalities very interesting. My life has obviously not been medically easy, and I have always been medically complicated, and frustrating to most doctors.
About ten years after my birth, around 1976, another intersex child was born in our family tree. This child would have been my second cousin. They were given a boy’s name at birth, and in the first year of life assigned female by amputating their penis, given a female named, and raised female, like me. I have been told they were of very ill health, were intellectually impaired, and had been in and out of the hospital most their life, due to various illnesses. I was told they had to undergo many surgical corrections on their digestive system, bladder, and body. I was told this person was wheelchair bound, had one kidney fail them, received a kidney donation, and died from complications of sepsis at nineteen. I want to find out more about this person, and see if they know what type of intersex condition my second cousin had. I would also like to learn more about their health problems. It is a mystery at this time if their medical conditions were related to mine or not, or even if they felt they were raised the right gender or not. There is much stigma and secrecy in families who deal with intersex. It is often hard to get answers; especially after a death. Some things we may never know.
I have been with my husband for over twenty-seven years now. With much medical intervention I successfully had two biological children, who now share many of my health problems, but do not appear to have intersex traits. We adopted our youngest angel, and this was a huge blessing. We love our family very much. The biggest problem is that in our world, people think you should have a mom and a dad. In our house this can never be. Although I am female fertile, and was able to become pregnant, I never felt like a mother. I like to compare myself to a Seahorse Dad. For a seahorse male is the one who gives birth. Although I like to consider myself a nurturing parent, I have never felt like a mother, and my kid’s call me “Vader”, which is the German word for father. I like to consider myself a Maternal/Father, and because of this I honor who I am by going by Mx, instead of Mr., or Mrs.. Our kids have two amazing dads now, my husband going simply by “dad”.
I did my first public talk about my life, with Judi Herring M.D.. In it Judi speaks first, sharing about intersex, and then I speak. In this presentation I am only 9 months into reclaiming my emotional and physical health, with the proper hormones, and eating similarly to the Ketogenc/Paleo Diet. Eating differently has helped my body create energy better, and to heal from significant health problems. Prior to 2015, I was a sickly child, chronically ill or injured teen, and as an adult I ended up wheel chair bound. At one time I was even sleeping sixteen hours a day, and was even diagnosed with a sleep disorder similar to narcolepsy and cataplexy. So healing myself, and honoring my true gender, has been a huge awakening. Like emerging from a coma.
To see what the United Nations has to say about those of us born intersex, please go to: United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet.
Photo above taken August 2015
Below is my first talk, with Dr. Judi Herring, M.D.
It was September 6th, 2015, it took much courage and bravery to tell my story to the public for the first time. I was only nine months into reclaiming, and transitioning into, my true gender in this first video. I see too many little intersex infants and children harmed. It is my hope I can help change this world with my message and my story:
Listen with Care: Build Bridges of Understanding (September 2015).
To understand Intersex and Gender better, this one is important to watch too:
Dr. Judi Herring M.D.’s TEDx Talk:
GENDER BOUND: LESSONS FROM THE WORLD BETWEEN
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Please be sure to also visit my Photographic Stories
Answers to the common questions people ask me:
- What is your story? Anunnaki shares his life story
- Are you married? I was born perfect, and I am lovable. Thank you, United Nations.
- What are your preferred pronouns? Mx. Anunnaki Ray and They, Them, Their
- Why did I name myself Anunnaki Ray?
- What is your birth name? The two of us, born intersex and named ‘Antoinette’ at our birth.
- Am I Transgender? Can an intersex person be transgender?
- How do you help the Intersex Movement? I am a Bridge Builder
- Why did you name yourself Anunnaki? Why do I feel like A VISITING ALIEN?
- What is your biological sex? What gender are you? The Difference Between my Biological Sex and My Gender.
- Why was I diagnosed with GENDER DYSPHORIA?
- What did you say to Dr. Phil? Why I said ‘no’ to Dr. Phil.
- When is it ok to ask me about my genitals?
- Are my Husband and I Gay Men Now? How We Became Sexual Minorities, Our Intersex Love Story.
- Were you a mother? I am a SEAHORSE Dad
- Do you have a brand or symbol that represents you? The Creation of My Seahorse, and what he means to me.
- Do I pass? What Gender am I?
My promise to this world:
Photo April 2016
Photos November 2016
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THANK YOU FOR VISITING!