Questions and Answers · Short Messages

I am finally writing my life story.

Dear followers, 
I want to let you know that if you follow this blog, I won’t be writing as much here for the time being.  
I am finally writing my life story and it will obviously be taking up much of my time now. 
A big thank you to those who follow me.   Be patient, more to come soon!   If you would like to write me, please do so by contacted me at e-mail:  anunnakiray@outlook.com  
Sincerely,
Mx. Anunnaki Ray 

 

 

Civil Rights · Gender Nonconforming · Intersex Awareness · Questions and Answers · Relationships · Self-Determination

Why when I go to the Emergency Room I mark Both the male and female box.

It is important to understand that for me, being born in the middle as intersex, I need to be medically and socially recognized, as both male and female, to get the proper care I might be needing if I show up at the hospital emergency room, or have to be hospitalized.

First of all, my body is not that of a typical dyadic female or dyadic male.  It is typical for a person born with natural intersex variations.  That is because my biological sex is intersex.  I have not been operated on, and my reproductive system, and genitals have not been altered.  So, my doctors need to know that when examining me, or if I am having problems with my reproductive system, they are going to see things that are not typical.  For example, my ovaries do not appear typical at all when viewed by ultrasound or CAT scan and my skeleton/pelvis is not that of a dyadic women.  I have strange looking ovaries, but am not in pain unless I was ovulating and that was acceptable to me since I wanted to keep my fertility.  Many experts have seen ovaries and immediately suggest that I must be in pain all the time and need immediately surgery, now that I appear a man.  I also have other atypical things going on within my reproductive system, that have never became a medical emergency.  I refuse to have surgery if I am not in pain.  If my ovaries are ok, they will remain in my body to continue to release the natural hormones they were created to do the job for.  I do not have body dysphoria, and want my genitals and reproductive system to be left alone.

Second, my gender, and how I feel my personality to be, is very non-conforming.   Socially I need to be respected as being intersex too.  I may appear either a female or a male in my mannerisms, and my appearance.  My body is very androgynous and it can sometimes confuses people.   I am often mixed up as being transgender even.   Since I am a 46 XX intersex person, that appears a man to this world now, they need to know that too, and that I want to hear male pronouns, or neutral pronouns.  That just because my chromosomes say I am a “girl”, doesn’t mean I am a girl. I am an androgynous, inter-gender, non-conforming male, and have genitals that are not typical to either a typical male or a female.

Third, I legally changed my gender marker to male on my driver’s license, but purposely kept my legal name my birth name, Antoinette.   My birth certificate remains the same as when I was born too.  So, when they see me, they see a female legal name, and a male gender marker.  This immediately honors who I truly am, and they are then I ask them to use my nickname, to address me, since I obviously do not relate to being an “Antoinette” anymore.  Those nicknames being “Ant”, or “Nnaki”.  I also prefer that they use Mx., instead of Mr. or Mrs.  I have never had problems with them honoring this.

Last, I will not be changing my birth certificate to male.  I want to wait until I get the right to change it to intersex.   Right now I do not have that legal ability to do that easily.  I am waiting for this country to catch up so it will not be such a battle. I greatly appreciate those intersex activist that are making this a possible reality in the future for all of us!

Related Blogs:

The two of us, born intersex and named ‘Antoinette’ at our birth.

Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphalus, and Clitoromegaly.

Mx. Anunnaki Ray and They, Them, Their.

Why did I name myself Anunnaki Ray?

The male/female binary is a Myth!

Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet

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Intersex People · Poems · Prejudice · Questions and Answers · Transgender

Poem: Over 50% would have died.

feather

Over 50% would have died.

I just survived what most would not have.

No I do not like this world.

It is a cruel and cold place for intersex people and transgender people.

Most would not have switched their gender to save their lives.

I can’t respect that.

I just survived what most wouldn’t have.

I sit here envying that death would have been easier for you.

I sit here wondering why I chose to survive this hell.

Most would not have switched their gender.

I can’t respect that.

I just survived what most wouldn’t have.

I sit here wondering if death would have been easier.

I sit here wondering why this Earth is so fucked up!

Why is it that over 50% would chose death, over saving their life like I did?

I am supposed to learn this and just sit here and do nothing.

I can’t respect that.

No, I will not sit here and do nothing!

Why is that?

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By Mx. Anunnaki Ray

April 5th, 2017

Why I wrote this poem:

This poem was written in response to finding out that over 50% of my friends and family would have died, like I would have if I had done nothing.  Yes, over 50% would have died, over saving themselves, like I did.  They would have refused to change their gender and how they appear to this world.  Please note that Sex and Gender are not the same thing.  When I refer to gender I refer to how we identify as male, female, both or neither.  When I refer to gender I am also talking about how this world perceives by our gender expression (how we dress or appear as to other).

To me gender is like our personality.  Sex has to do with genitals, reproductive systems, hormones and chromosomes.  Some people are born dyadic (typical bodies), and some people are born intersex.  Both dyadic and intersex people can have any gender.  I believe that the two do not, and will never be the same definition.  I believe that the self-determination of gender is a human right.

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Human Rights Violations · Intersex Awareness · Intersex People · Prejudice · Questions and Answers · Self-Determination

How I was medically, and psychiatrically violated as an intersex person.

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I was born in 1967, and assigned a female at birth and on my birth certificate. My medical career as a patient, started at three years old.  It was after they realized they had a boy on their hands, that was not allowed to be a boy. Back then, they called me “perceptionaly handicapped”, and therapy started to teach me I was a girl at three and four years old. I would compare what happened to me as “conversion therapy, but for a child. Although my genitals were never surgically violated, as a teen I would later be greatly harmed by psychiatry, due to John Money being the man of the day for gender assignment, and due to my doctors blaming my gender nonconformity as mental illness since my genitals clearly did not match that of a dyadic male.

Since I was taught to comfort as a girl, when I came out as a gay boy, their solution was to diagnose it, medicate it, and damage my brain with mitochondrial toxic medications. As you can assume my genitals are not in alignment to that of being a typical dyadic boy. However, unlike a trans man, since I am intersex, I can only relate to some things about being transgender and not everything. Most my life, to conform my hormones to that of a typical female I took added female hormones, and androgen blocking medications, so that I would appear more female. My body did not develop like a typical female in many ways. I was born with a metabolic condition related to mitochondrial dysfunction, adrenal insufficiency/non-classical congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), and poly cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). My natural sex hormones were never that of a typical human male or female.

The things I did to conform to appearing female almost took my life, stunted my growth,  made me very sick, disabled and in a wheel chair for many years even. I would not find the means or courage to emancipate my true gender until October of 2014, and at forty-six years old. Instead of saying “transition”, I say I “reclaimed my true gender”. Back then, I stopped doing what doctors had prescribed and would later be patient abandoned for being a “non-compliant patient”. This lead to our going bankrupt, losing our house, and traveling the country to find “safe doctors”. Due to my medical complexity I could not simply just find a transgender friendly doctor. It was very difficult to find medical care that would help me recover my health from true government approved disability.

In Florida, I finally found two doctors that are willing to medically help me with my self-determined hormone levels, and issues I have with my metabolism, adrenals and strange ovaries. I also, now collaborate with Judi Herring, M.D., my colleague, in educating and speaking out about intersex and the right to the self-determination of gender.  Here is her TEDx Talk:  Gender Bound: Lessons from the World Between.  My husband of twenty-eight years and three children, and I will never get restitution.   In some ways I remain disabled as a result permanent injury to my brain and body. However, with better medical interventions I now can work again, am out of my wheel chair, and have rehabilitated significantly.

I now work as a pirate performer, and for the Black Raven Pirate Ship, as Pirate Antonio Phoenix. I am also a St. Augustine Swashbuckler, a pirate group that does fundraising for childhood organizations, such as Make A Wish Foundation and Dreams Come True. Most important though, I now educate students, doctors, psychiatrists, teachers and my followers on Facebook and Twitter, about us intersex people and how we are being violated.

It is my hope that the United Nations request for intersex human rights is respected, in the USA, and all around this world.  It is my hope that better laws are created to protect all of us.   I know too many people whom have been violated, and are not happy, and suffer great loss.  I believe that the self-determination of gender is a human right.  Right now only two countries, Malta and Chile, have honored the United Nation’s request to stop the surgical assignment of gender on intersex babies.  It is obvious that we have only just begun.

Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet

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My Related blogs:  

Am I Angry I was raised a Girl?

The difference between transgender and intersex and the harm that wrong language can bring

Am I Transgender? Can an intersex person be transgender?

Thank you for visiting my intersex story

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Human Rights · Intersex Awareness · Intersex Erasure · Questions and Answers · Self-Determination · United Nations

The FEMALE PENIS and the MALE VAGINA; and explaining this to our children.

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Our kids are proof that it is about educating male/female binary, and intersex erasure, that messes up the truth around natural bodily variations existing in us humans.  You see, our children were taught that intersex bodies existed, as soon as I realized I was not a disorder and was actually born intersex instead.  Yup, they were taught about the female penis and the male vagina.  They were taught that sometimes a woman can be XY, a man can be XX, and those other chromosomal variations of human exist too, like XXY, XX/XY, XO and so many others.  Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet, if you have never heard of intersex before.

You see, naturally, humans come with many variations of genitals, reproductive systems, chromosomes, and hormones.  It simply is the way nature planned it all.  We are a variety of human.  It is that simple.

My kids had to actually learn that the male/female binary is what the rest of the world believes.  After learning about intersex, it blew their minds that there were just two options:  Male or Female bodies.

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Now, imagine teaching your children that you have been erased by this world.

That there is no box for me, few doctors that will see me even because I am taboo.  It truly sucked for them, my husband and for me.  They felt violated themselves and angry and scared for me!  We lost our home trying to chase down a doctor, across the country that would treat me. Yes, I was medically abandoned by doctors and told I was no longer patient compliant when I refused to do what they asked of me to appear female.

It is hard to explain to a child that there is NO box for their type of father.   That it is the world that messed up.  That it was not my body and not my hormones that went wrong.

My children naturally never felt it was ME who had to surgically conform to this world.  I believe that most children naturally know we want our genitals the way we are born!

That is why when people asked: “how are your kids taking it?”, when I emancipated my gender, we shared that they were HAPPIER!  In the typical male/female binary world, it is devastating though.  But most assumed otherwise and thought:  “OMG! How horrible that those poor kids just lost their mother!”   Typical people also immediately assumed I would be having genital conforming surgeries too when I do not.   We can just imagine the gossip. We lost countless friends, who could not cope with it.

Everyone also assumed my husband, of twenty-eight years, would leave.  I was so disabled and sick, that he too gained his sex partner back.  I was asexual for over a decade, due to doctors giving me no choices.  We had become roommates.  So when people asked:  “How is he taking it?”, it was an insult to me!  Yes, things changed socially changed dramatically for our family,  but it was not the end of the world.  It was the beginning of a new healthier life as a couple!

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To see more pictures of my husband and me together, please go to: I was born perfect, and I am lovable. Thank you, United Nations.

To an intersex person, like me, and some of my intersex friends, like Tiger Devore, gender is all a “gender performance”.  A phrase that Tiger likes to use, and created to explain what I am saying here today.  So, my kids did not lose a thing. They gained a healthier parent who now had a different gender performance for the world!   I became “Vader” to them, another word for father.

I did not die when I faced certain death if I had continued on appearing female.  It is the male/female binary world that thinks things are so rigid and so concrete that the sky falls when one changes that performance.  And this is sadly why we lost so many friends and family.

The Mythical Hermaphrodite! 

Some think me to be a mythical hermaphrodite too.  Thanks to how this world brain washed me too, all my life, I don’t feel magical, I feel like a guy with a ‘mangina’.  A word that the famous transexual, Buck Angel, says to describe his amazing male body.  I feel like a gestational father too, words my intersex friend,  Cary G. Costello, uses to explain away us guys who can grow a baby within our wombs.  I am a “womb man”, I was never a woman.   I am a “seahorse dad”.  For it is the seahorse father that gives birth.

So world, can you make room for the female penis too?

With us intersex people it exists  Yup, my urologist calls it a penis now that my gender has changed to male!  So that means, for forty-six years, before I appeared a male to this world I had a “female penis”.   I am the same person, yet when I appeared female they denied calling it that.   You can read this blog about the intersex ‘penis’ and all the shapes and sizes they come in:  Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphalus, and Clitoromegaly.

I know many intersex girls who have a penis, and this world should not threaten cutting it off either.  Due to intersex erasure, eugenics (surgically taking away an intersex person’s fertility with non-consensual childhood surgery), and genocide (aborting us when detected before birth), most female penis’s or large clitoris get removed.  I know many transgender girls too who have a female penis.  They should not feel they have to lose theirs too, to be validated as real women.  It sickens me that transgender children are taught to believe that they are in the wrong bodies, but that is another blog.

For us intersex people, Genital integrity is all we want. Our life as our ‘true selves’ is all we want.  We simply just want the right to be LOVED the way we were born:  INTERSEX!    We simply want the human right to sexually experience OUR INTERSEX GENITALS, uncut and unharmed too.

The United Nations stands with us Intersex People now.  

The United Nations declares that intersex erasure and the torture of non-consensual childhood surgeries stop! 

It is time to allow the female penis and the male vagina and without shame.

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A meme from InterACT, that I want to give more notice to, so include it in this blog.

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Thank you for visiting my blog today!

Together we change this world, one message at a time.

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Intersex Activist · Questions and Answers

What I believe:

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I believe that the Self-Determination of Gender is a human right for all humans.  Gender to me, is like our personality.  It has nothing to do with our genitals, reproductive systems, chromosomes or hormones.  Therefore a woman can have a female penis, and a man can have a man’s vagina.  I also believe that if a person has no genitals, they can identify as any gender, or even have the right to have no gender.

I believe that all humans are born in the right body.  I do not like “born in the wrong body” theories.  It should be up to that individual to declare they feel dysphoric about their body, without society telling them they were born wrong. Gender experts giving out the diagnosis of “Gender Dysphoria” to everyone whose genitals do not fit the expectations of typical male or typical female can be very destructive.  I actually feel it is “cultural dysphoria”, and not “gender dysphoria”.

I believe that genitals, reproductive organs, chromosomes, and hormones do not create gender.  To me, gender is like our personality and a feeling within ourselves.  Again, I believe that some women can have a penis, and some men can have a vagina.  In intersex and transgender people it is fact that some women can have XY chromosomes, and some men can have XX chromosomes.  The presence of a Y chromosomes does not always create a male.

I believe that scientifically the brain can’t accurately be proven to be either male, or female.   Therefore,  also demonstrating that the Self-Determination of gender should be a human right for all humans.  Most science around the “female or male brain” is very bias, and based a social construct of what creates a girl or boy, man or woman.

I believe that no child or infant should be forced non-consensual genital corrective surgery or surgery without informed consent.   Our gender does not reside in the appearance of our genitals and changing our genitals doesn’t magically fix things.  In many cases the surgeries  have proven to cause great harm.  Especially if it happens to an infant or child, I consider corrective surgeries as genital mutilation and torture.

I believe that any well informed, and consenting adult, should have the right to modify their body, or genitals, as they feel it necessary.   However, it is my hope they are conforming due to their own personal needs , and not due to governmental, or societal expectations, or laws,  to “pass” as typical male or female.  I believe that all people, transgender or not, have the right to genital integrity. 

I believe that labels can be as helpful as they can be destructive.  All of us born LGBTQIA+ sometimes have to depend on these labels to declare and explain our different human rights needs.  I feel that the intersex community is very different from the rest of the LGBT experience,  and  my actions prove that I show respect for those who are LGBT.

I believe that some people (cis gender or transgender people), can later discover in life that they have intersex natural bodily variations,  a  difference is sex development, disorder of sexual development, DSD,  any intersex variation, or hormonal variations.   I have helped many into the intersex community to get support.  However, some stories we have heard are medically impossible.   It can do much harm to those of us who are true, when a person creates a tall tale about themselves being born intersex when they are not.  These untruths can harm intersex babies born to this world, and can even create falsehoods that harm all of us intersex people as a whole.

I believe that there is no such thing as the male and female binary system in nature.  However, I totally respect those who want to live as, or conform as, binary male/female. I believe that nature created naturally occurring bodily variations, and sometimes our genitals do not match what society says is male and female, and sometimes our personalities do not match what society says is male or female.

I believe that  gender non-conforming people, like my self, exist and that our human experience is just as valid as those who spend time conforming to male and female rules.  I will always believe that the male and female binary is a social construct.

I believe that the way people dress, cut their hair, desire to appear as, and act as, is truly more like a socialy learned gender performance for all of us.

Imagine What Seven Billion

Fix Society with Angel Feather
Hope for a Better World.

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Gender Nonconforming · Intersex Awareness · Intersex People · Questions and Answers · Self-Determination · Transgender

Intersex VS Intergender. Do Intersex Transexuals Exist?

What is Intersex?

Intersex is general term used for natural bodily variations in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.  Some forms of intersex also naturally occurs after birth and later in life, however these are all naturally occurring bodily variations.  In humans, it is a variation in sex characteristics, including chromosomes, hormones, gonads, or genitals that do not allow an individual to be distinctly identified as male or female.

Just like anyone else, an intersex person can have any gender, sexual orientation, or gender expression. The “rules” of the heteronormative binary, male and female, often do not work for intersex people. Since intersex is a way to describe a person’s biological sex, it should not be confused as  gender identity  , or with transgender  gender identity issues.

Dyadic: A word used to describe someone who is not born intersex. Dyadic people are born with sex characteristics which could be categorized them either as typical female or typical male. Dyadic people can have any gender identity,  sexual orientation, or gender expression.

Note: In the past, and in some countries, the term “hermaphrodite” is used to describe people born intersex. Depending on the country or the person, this can be considered offensive. Always ask to make sure it is ok to use the word hermaphrodite. Please always ask if it is ok to say in your country. Some accept it, and some do not now.

To learn about some of the worse human rights violations known to this planet, please visit the United Nations Intersex Fact Sheet PDF.

What is Intergender?

Intergender is a gender identity that is considered a non binary term.  Some feel it fits under the transgender umbrella terms.  Intergender people have a gender identity that is in the middle between the binary genders of female and male, or lies on that spectrum between the binary genders of female and male.  Some inter gender people may be a mix of both.

Note: The word “intergender” has been independently coined by different people at different times, resulting in two main differences in meaning:

1. Some believe that this term, intergender, is an identity label that any person can use. Even if they are not intersex (dyadic) themselves, they can declare themselves intergender.

2. Others believe that “intergender” can only be used by people who are intersex, and that intergender is an identity only for intersex people.   Some believe that intersex people need words for their gender identities that correlate only with intersex bodies.  These people feel that in this case, dyadic nonbinary people should respect intersex people, by taking up a different non-binary label than intergender for themselves.  It might be more respectful if they used  androgyne, bigender, gender fluid or queer to describe themselves instead.

I personally believe that the Self-Determination of gender is the right of any person.  I believe any person has the right to declare themselves “intergender”.  However, only a naturally born intersex person, should declare themselves born “intersex”.  

The Gender expression of an Intergender person: 

Some intergender people see it as solely a matter of gender identity, and therefore do not feel they have to dress in a particular kind of gender expression. They may even be satisfied with an appearance that fits within the gender binary, and conform to societies expectations of how a typical female and typical male dresses; even though their gender identity does not conform to binary notions.  However, other intergender people will dress androgynous and have a gender expression that is a mixture of both typical male and female.   They may or may not,  express their intergender identity through their personality or activities such as crossdressing or “interdressing”.  They may or may not  the intentions of being seen as any particular gender.

The Assignment of Sex  VS  The Assignment of Gender 

Sex Assignment is done surgically and with the use of hormones, and requires a physician and surgeon.  Gender assignment is declaring one’s gender identity, and is a feeling within oneself.  Much like their personality, and does not require surgery or hormones to declare.

Note: Some people legally change their gender now, depending on the laws of their government, and do not ever feel they have to undergo sex assignment surgeries.

Intersex Transexual do exist, however they were born Dyadic NOT Intersex.

Transitioning to appearing “Intersex”

Some non binary people, who were born dyadic, have described their transition as one that will make their body more “intersex”, and call themselves female-to-intersex or male-to-intersex transsexuals.  Through surgical assignment, or with the aid of hormones, some intergender, or non binary people wish to transition to a body that has traits in between female and male, or wish it to be more like a naturally born intersex body.  These dyadic people may call themselves female to intersex, or male to intersex transsexuals, or female to intersex, or male to intersex transgender.

This type of person starts out as a dyadic person.  They were NOT born biologically as intersex.  They had  surgical or hormonal interventions to create “intersex” with the help of a surgeon or physician.  They often do these surgeries, so that their bodies can match their mind.  This type of person, I feel, does not have the right to claim they were born intersex.  They are simply a transexual, or transgender person, who has transitioned to appearing intersex.

If you are confused about certain definitions used, please visit my pages: LGBTQIA+ Definitions and Human Sexuality.  

WE ARE HUMAN with Feather

References used: 

Helpful LGBTQIA+ Definitions and  Human Sexuality

Nonbinary.org Wiki Intergender

Here is my autobiography:  About Mx. Anunnaki Ray 

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