The power of changing one’s gender is sad, surreal and even amazing. Suddenly some of my friends no longer wanted to relate to me, talk to me, or even acknowledge that I was in their life anymore. All, simply because I now appear more male. This poem is to all those who vanished from my life or seem to not think we have anything in common anymore. This is not to the bigots or the haters who unfriended me when they found out the way I was born. This is to those who said they loved me when I appeared to the world as female but now have simply vanished. Gender is a social construct and a very powerful one. I hope for a world where people like me can simply be, without all this emotional drama, suicide, genital mutilation, abandonment, isolation, and heartbreak:
Where did you all go? Was it all because of a penis?
By Mx. Anunnaki Ray Marquez
July 7, 2016
Just 20 months ago I had a plan to end it all permanently.
I wanted to die.
Euthanasia, really. I was suffering too much.
And then I discovered I could exist.
That I could possibly get better, and no longer be so sick.
I told you she would die.
or did I lie?
Did she ever truly ever exist?
I am not so sure “she” died.
I now see things differently.
You see, she never existed in the first place.
I was not born to this male/female binary.
This social construct that enslaves all of you to two boxes.
It used to enslave me too.
I was always here; just hidden form you to see.
Thanks to testosterone blockers, and hormones.
All those amazing things that make a girl appear a girl to this world.
Whatever a girl is.
But what happened broke my heart.
As I grew my beard and mustache out.
and my hairline changed to that of a mans…..
You, my friend,
Was it all because of a penis?
Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphalus, and Clitoromegaly.