Emancipation · Freedom · Human Rights · Intersex Awareness · Self-Determination

Once assigned female: I am very proud to be a little man now!

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Sharing my thoughts for today, and something that might surprise you!
Lots of guys might have shame being a shorter stature. According to statistics a man is “short”, if they come in under 5’7″ in the USA. I am 5’5″! I have absolutely no shame or body dysphoria. I know I am fortunate that way!
So many people with non-conforming bodies, and atypical genitals are not so fortunate. Be it if we are born intersex with natural bodily variations, or call ourselves transgender, this world can be a cruel cold place for those of us who have bodies that do not conform to “typical”.  This sometimes creates body dysphoria and gender dysphoria.  If you are wondering what intersex is, please go to this link:  United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet.
Being raised the wrong gender, as female, all my life, I have had this obsession over shorter men. More than likely because I was taught at three and four that I was not allowed to be a boy.  It would not be until the last two years of my life that I figured out that I had been lied to!
Starting as a young teen, I even memorized the names of famous, short statured, male actors and rock stars even!  As an unusual teenager posters of some of these shorter men were tacked onto my pink bedroom walls.   Well, obviously you could see why I had this short man obsession!  Now that I appear a little dude, and legally so!   I am absolutely celebrating my life more!
My entire existence has improved!  I have a life now!  I sadly lived the majority of my life with major depression, and being tormented by psychiatry and doctors.  My genuine existence had been completely erased.  Half my life is over now, however I now have HOPE, and can live my genuine and authentic self now!
I hope my story, along with many other stories, is a lesson learned to all the doctors, psychiatrists, and parents out there.  You can read more about me here. 
We do not need fixed! Just let us be please.  Fix Society Please instead!  
 THREE CHEERS to the Self-Determination of our own Gender and Autonomy! 
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Some of my thoughts about the self-determination of gender, that you might be interested in: 
Fix Society I don't have gender dysphoria
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Celebrations · Emancipation · Freedom · Human Rights · Human Rights Violations · Intersex Activist · Relationships · Self-Determination

A Note to self: Dear Little Boy, who I used to be

Dear Little Boy, who I used to be,
Please do not believe the lies you were told.  They convinced you that you were born wrong, that you would amount to nothing.   They even convinced you that you would never be lovable as your authentic self.
They told you over and over, from the time you were three and four, that you could never be who you were born as.  They erased your very being, and turned you into something that could never be.  So stop wondering why you failed at being her!  So stop blaming yourself, and doubting yourself.   It is obvious they were the ones with the problem.
Today, you are surrounded by people who believe in you.  They get angry now when they see you reflect the decades of lies, and when you say you are less than and you doubt yourself!  They won’t put up with that shit anymore.  They know you almost did not make it!  They care my friend!
So, give yourself a damn break!  Decades, and decades of abuse is now over!  Their shit, was just that, a pile of stinking lies, that came from complete and utter nonsense.
I know you will not get restitution.  No one broke the law!  Yet, they almost got away with  destroying your complete and total life!
But you my sweet one, will create your own restitution!  You will help change this world, with others who were violated.  You will help change this world, to stop the pain, the suffering and torture around assigning gender.
You can now show this world that you are bold, brave, and courageous!  You can now tell your story about how after being spiritually, psychiatrically and physically demolished that you can survive hell, and still emerge from the dust and the ashes as a phoenix!
You can now show this world that they can be bold, brave, and courageous too! 
The one’s who broke you, were the one’s who were wrong and did wrong!  They are the one’s who have to change now!
Your only job now is to continue your journey, to shut the door on that past, yet never forget where you come from!
Your job now is to keep this tragedy from happening to another innocent little intersex or transgender child, and to promise to be their God Father and Guardian! 
With much self love,  flowing out to you, and over you, little boy.   Feel that self love that you never felt before in your life, until now!
Fly butterfly!  FLY!   Your wings have finally dried!  You are reborn from a mere caterpillar!
I know you can do it, because you are doing it!
Much love and confidence in you new friend!
Sincerely,
Mx. Anunnaki Ray

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Emancipation · Freedom · Human Rights · Intersex Awareness · Intersex Erasure · Poems

Poem: I am a Boxphobe!

This poem was inspired after an amazing conversation with Judi Herring, M.D., the creator of the TEDx Talk: Gender Bound, Lessons From the World Between.

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Yup, I am a Boxphobe!

PINK can be for boys!

and

BLUE can be for girls!

and

The RAINBOW is for HUMAN!

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Yup, I am a Boxphobe!

Do not call intersex a disorder.

Intersex is naturally occurring

and

we simply have

natural bodily variations.

Yup, I am a Boxphobe! 

I don’t like the word woman

Because some of us are womb men.

And some of us have an amazing female penis,

and want to keep it!

¤¤¤¤

Yup, I am a Boxphobe! 

I don’t like the word man

Because some of us have a mangina,

Yup, that amazing man’s vagina!

Some men even have breasts,

and want to keep their man boobs

¤¤¤¤

Yup, I am a Boxphobe!  

I don’t like the word transgender

If we are all born this way

there is no transition.

We simply reclaim and emancipate our

OWN self-determined gender.

Society does not dictate our

hormones or the surgeries.

That is up to us not society.

End Cultural Dysphoria please!

¤¤¤¤

Yup, I am a Boxphobe! 

I don’t like the word autism

or mental illness either

If we all had neuro-typical minds

What a boring world it would be!

¤¤¤¤

Yup, I am a Boxphobe! 

Why cramming us all into just  two boxes,

male and female when we are born?

Why cramming us  all into a diagnosis?

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TRUTH: 

So that they can justify mutilating our genitals.

So that they can justify taking away our fertility.

So that they can justify damaging our bodies and brains with poison.

So that they can justify aborting us

before we even take our first breath.

Genocide

Eugenics

STOP ERASING US! 

We are simply a  

VARIETY OF HUMAN!

We are all NATURALLY Occurring! 

Yup, I am a Boxphobe!

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By Mx. Anunnaki Ray 

February 8th, 2017 

 

 

Note: The term “Mangina” came from Buck Angel.  Also, phrases, “The Female Penis”  “reclaiming one’s gender” , Cultural Dysphoria ,  and the “emancipation of one’s true gender”, are things I have been saying to try to teach this world.  I also like “Variety of Human”, and the United Nations likes “Natural Bodily Variations”.

Thank you for helping me change culture, and save lives! 

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Bridge Building · Celebrations · Emancipation · Freedom · Gender Nonconforming · Human Rights Violations · Intersex Activist · Intersex Awareness · Questions and Answers · Relationships

The two of us, born intersex and named ‘Antoinette’ at our birth.

God-incidence or Serendipity? 

What ever you call it, it felt like a miracle.  

I was finally coming to terms with who I was as a human being.  This was after having a life time of not feeling real, and being thrown away by many doctors, therapist and psychiatrists, who had tried to ‘fix me’.  

I was an Intersex human being.  Not male, not female, something in between.

The fact is, back in the late 60’s, when I was born I was assigned a girl.  My mother had once shared she wanted a little boy named Anthony, but instead she would have to turn that name into:

Antoinette

My nickname as a teen ‘girl’ would later become

Toni and Ant

Little did anyone know, somewhere around the world in Australia, another miracle was born intersex.  They too were named a girls name, and assigned female and that name was: 

Antoinette 

And their nickname would later become

Tony

And here we were, meeting on Facebook for the first time, March 2015, and have become dear friends ever since!  Wow! 

Here is that story: It was October 2014, when I finally decided I would never do the things to conform as a typical women ever again.  I had gotten very sick and disabled.  Doctors did not know how to help me, and most had given up on me and  I had gotten used to be patient abandoned for not wanting to endure their medical regimen. I quickly became sexually taboo.

I did not want to lose my beauty.  I always felt like an androgynous person.  I emerge from  a wheelchair, and a cane.  Disability had become my reality.  I was sleeping in my house, up to sixteen hours a day in a hospital bed, because I could not even lay down flat anymore.  I felt I might die.  I received my disability by my country even.  I wished for death, that is for sure, and everyone who knew me back then knew how sick I had become.

I then figured out I could get better eating a special diet and by changing my hormones and by honoring my own truth. Soon after that I started to search other people born intersex like me.  There they were, the two articles about Tony Briffa, from Australia.

At first glance, I did not see the coincidence at first.  

I read, and there it was, their birth name:

Antoinette 

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When Tony Briffa was seven years old doctors in Australia made a choice that was never theirs to make – castration.
Tony was born with healthy testes, as well as a vagina, and doctors decided it made more sense for Tony to live life as a woman – called Antoinette.
But Tony – who was born intersex – never felt comfortable being a woman, or a man for that matter.
“Nature – many would say God – made me a healthy hermaphrodite… I tried my best to be a woman but I couldn’t keep up the lie forever. Something was going to give.
“At 30 I rejected what the doctors had done to me and started living life as a man. I was open about my past, about the way I was born, and what doctors had done to me. Now, at the age of 44, I am comfortable explaining I am both a man and a woman,” Tony tells Times of Malta.

Taken from: ‘Healthy Hermaphrodite’ is both man and woman

And another one about Tony Briffa

At birth, Tony Briffa’s doctors couldn’t determine his gender. He had a rare intersex condition known as Incomplete Testicular Feminisation that made his gonads release estrogen even though he genetically tested as male. So on his doctor’s advice his parents raised him as a girl named Antoinette—they painted his room pink, gave him dolls at Christmas and made him wear frilly dresses to school.

The frequent hospital visits for hormone therapy and surgery made him feel like a freak: his parents had him castrated at age seven and even though he told his doctors as a pre-teen that he felt like a boy, they ignored him and continued administering female hormone therapy, something that filled him with desperation and thoughts of suicide as he entered his teenage years.

Taken from: The Amazing Heartbreaking Story of Tony Briffa, The World’s First Openly Intersex Mayor

That day I wrote Tony.  I was confused back then after being guided by misinformed doctors and psychiatrist.  My first notes to them no doubt reflected such confusion.  To my doctors here, I remain a disorder, a syndrome and a medical condition.  They were  even trying to convince me I was transgender.   The medical system in the USA can be very confused about intersex and gender.

I knew one thing, without permission from those who had been surgically violated, I was not going to use the word “intersex”or “hermaphrodite”.   My heart was secretly broken by what has happened to their bodies surgically, without consent as a child.   I did not want to offend anyone.  I had been violated, but it had been mostly by psychiatry.  My physical body remains whole, what would they say?

So, with much bravery I also reached out to six amazing people born intersex: Tony Briffa, along with Tiger Devore, Ph.D.,  Cary Costello, Hida Viloria, Gavan H. Coleman, and Pidgeon Pagonis.  Six of the most tolerant and loving people I have ever met on this Earth.  Around that same time my path would also cross with Judi Herring, M.D., who had created the TEDx months before meeting me: Gender Bound, Lessons from the World Between.   This too, will always feel like a god-incidence and serendipity!  Judi and I have been working together ever since September 2015.  Together we have done public talks, speaking to schools, visiting the city council, and have even spoken to the human rights commissioner here in our city.  We have become very dear and close friends.

Wow, with the opinion of all of them,  I  learned that I was not born a “freak”,  a “disorder”, “syndrome”,  or “condition”, and I surely  was not “mentally derange”!  With that permission, and blessing form all of them, and with Judi Herring, M.D. standing by my side,  I became empowered!  I decided to tell the world I too was born intersex, and share my intersex story .  It has been a huge honor to add  my message to theirs in ending tragedy from happening to one more innocent child.

One thing that is most amazing, is that all of us have two big things in common.   First, we all find it very special that we were all born BOTH  male and female, and most of all we like to celebrate it.   All of us are also  gender nonconforming too,  but in different ways!   To me that is serendipity at it’s best!  

The second thing we have in common, is we all have over came so much trauma, due not conforming to the male and female binary.  With that experience and pain, each of us have taken all that ugliness, and all our  bad experiences,  and now help the world with it. 

So there you have it!  

Two people born with natural bodily variations, known as INTERSEX, with the same birth name

Antoinette!  

Planet Earth is an amazing small place when you start to think about it!   

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Mx. Anunnaki Ray November 2016

Thank you for visiting my intersex story!  

You can read here:  Why did I named myself Anunnaki Ray.

Please also visit the UNITED NATIONS’ INTERSEX FACT SHEET, to learn more about intersex violations and what you personally can do yo help us end it. 

UNITED WE WILL CHANGE THIS WORLD!


End Note:  An intersex person can have any gender identity, and any sexual orientation.   Also, our biological sex does not equal our gender.  I believe that the Self-determination of Gender is our Human Right, and that our sexuality should not be decided for us as children,  our parents, by medical, psychological experts, or the government.   


You can watch Tony Briffa here with their life story here: 

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Civil Rights · Freedom · Human Rights · Poems · Prejudice

Poem: The Alien and the Empty Bucket

 

I am 100% alien,

until law says otherwise

I could die without my human rights

African American Slaves  were called animals
Law had to finally say otherwise

The Civil Rights movement changed things

Black Lives Matter

They are human

If I die with human dignity

having full human rights

It will have to be given to me

I can not take what the government

will not give

to those of us born intersex

It is

an empty bucket

I can not own what is not mine

It is

an empty bucket

I will fight for my human rights

I will fight for our human rights

I will insist on it

I will declare it as mine even…..

But, I will not own it

until it is given to me

I can’t….
because it is an illusion to do so
an empty bucket

I could die

an alien

By Mx. Anunnaki Ray

December 14th, 2016

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United Nations INTERSEX Fact Sheet

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Related Blogs: 

Why did I name myself Anunnaki Ray?

Why do I feel like A VISITING ALIEN?

Related Poems: 

Poem: I AM A MAN

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Celebrations · Freedom · Self-Determination

Conchita Wurst – “Be the best version of yourself rather than a bad copy of someone else!”

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Conchita’s Motto:

 “Be the best version of yourself rather than a bad copy of someone else!”

There are very few people in this world that transcend from conformity and glow like Cohchita glows!  Off stage he is  known as Tom Neuwirth, and on stage she transforms into  Conchita Wurst.  So, today I am sharing with you, a person you may want to get familiar with!  I am proud to follow them, on social media, and receive their wisdom they offer to this world.  This is a sample of their encouraging tweets:

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As a gender non-conforming person, they have shown me the Human Right of Self-Determination in ACTION.  Here is their web site: Conchita Wurst.  Unlike the bearded woman I have blogged about in the past, Conchita is a gay married man off stage, and transforms into Conchita on stage.

Conchita also has many amazing music videos on YouTube.  The message they send out to this world has helped me more times than I can count, and I thank them!  My life has not been easy, and it is thanks to people like Conchita, that I find much HOPE in this world, and did not end my life.  I hope she can give hope, and inspire others too!

The courage it takes them to step out into this world and literally create themselves a place, absolutely MAGNIFICANT!   I am honored to be on the same planet with this amazing spirit!  I thank them for helping to make this world a better place!  Here is Conchita’s Biography: ‘Two Hearts beating in my chest‘:

Conchita owes her existence to the fact that Tom had been dealing with discrimination all his life. Therefore, he created a woman with a beard – a striking statement and catalyst for discussions about terms like “different” and “normal”, as well as a vehicle to bring his message to the entire world in a clear and unmistakable way.

Appearances, genders and ethnicity do not matter at all when it comes to the dignity and freedom of individuals (or as Austrians would say: “They are WURST”). Tom and Conchita agree that “Only the individual person is important. Everybody should be free to live life as he or she sees fit, as long as nobody gets harmed.”

Below is a video of her performance that won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2014.  In this she performs: “Rise Like A Phoenix (Austria) 2014 Eurovision Grand Final”.  I relate to this song, because I have emancipated my true gender, as a gender non-conforming intersex man.  Being that I have been married for over twenty years, we now know appear a gay couple, and this world has become a different place to deal with.  The words of this song resonate and speak to my soul.  Thank you for taking the time to meet the MAGNIFICENT Conchita today:

Rise Like a Phoenix

Waking in the rubble
Walking over glass
Neighbors say we’re trouble
Well that time has passed

Peering from the mirror
No, that isn’t me
Stranger getting nearer
Who can this person be

You wouldnt know me at all today
From the fading light I fly

Rise like a phoenix
Out of the ashes
Seeking rather than vengeance
Retribution
You were warned
Once I’m transformed
Once I’m reborn
You know I will rise like a phoenix
But you’re my flame

Go about your business
Act as if you’re free
Noone could have witnessed
What you did to me

Cause you wouldn’t know me today
And you have got to see
To believe
From the fading light I fly

Rise like a phoenix
Out of the ashes
Seeking rather than vengeance
Retribution
You were warned
Once I’m transformed
Once I’m reborn

I rise up to the sky
You threw me down but
I’m gonna fly

And rise like a phoenix
Out of the ashes
Seeking rather than vengeance
Retribution
You were warned
Once I’m transformed
Once I’m reborn
You know I will rise like a phoenix
But you’re my flame

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Love Yourself – Cover by Conchita feat. Severin Trogbacher – Justin Bieber: 

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Cosmetic Genital Surgery · Culture Dysphoria · Freedom · Human Rights · Human Rights Violations · Intersex Awareness · Prejudice · Self-Determination · Transgender

My genitals are not “Normal”, but I don’t think normal is normal.

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I am tired of hearing the words “normal”.  Who is truly “normal”?  

Is the government and the medical system that powerful that it can declare me, or anyone “defective” or “disordered”, when our genitals do not add up to “normal”?  So far the answer is “yes”; And yet, nature created my intersex body and all the transgender people out here.

I now know that biological sex is on a spectrum, and that gender is also on a spectrum, and that there are many different varieties of human out here.  But yet, all these cultural rules, of what makes the perfect male and female; and then they call that cultural ideal “normal”.

Is a society that powerful, that I should feel “broken”, or “wrong”, the rest of my life, just because I do not appear a  typical male,  or a typical  female?  That is what culture wants me to feel.

I am not going to be the victim to a broken culture anymore.  I can’t be.  It is destroying me again, even as I love my genuine self.    I can not allow culture to destroy me.  I have the right to live now.  This is not my dysphoria, it is cultural dysphoria.  Culture is the problem here, not me.

Every day I walk out my door, I feel like an outcast.  Unless I conform to the male/female binary, I stand out.  Some say it is a choice.  But is it really?

Is it really a choice, when to be accepted as “Normal” and to be treated with decency one has to do things a certain way?  Of course, this is not a choice.  Maybe I don’t want more surgery, or typical hormone levels.  Maybe I don’t want to talk or dress a certain way.   There is nothing normal about taking away a person’s human right to exist their genuine self.

To me, this means that “normal” is not “normal”, because it is taking away human rights.  There is nothing normal about taking away a person’s human rights.  To me that is prejudice, judgement, and lack of acceptance of all the varieties of us humans out here.

This “normal”,  is making people feel less than, until they feel so uncomfortable they conform.  I see it all the time.  Transgender people saying they have been born in the “wrong bodies”.  Are they really?  The parents of intersex babies, being told the same.  That their baby needs corrective genital surgeries, because their body is “disordered”, and wrong too.

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Worse, in many states, in the USA, and in many countries, people have to have surgery to even change their birth-certificate to their true gender.  Gender is not in our genitals, but everywhere there are laws that try to claim that is.  Some of these emerging bathroom laws prove that mentality.

This means not only are intersex babies harmed, to be surgically forced into these two boxes, male and female; it also means transgender people are not being given the choice of genital integrity too.  So much suffering in this world, all because of the word “normal”.  The human right to self-determination is being taken everywhere in this world, because of “normal”.

The Government Should Not be Allowed
Fix Society not Our Bodies.

It is time to  start using the word ‘typical’, and throw out the word ‘normal’.  

It is time to start by giving me, and other people born intersex or transgender, our genital integrity back.  If this means our gender expression is different, or may appear non-conforming,  then the world can learn to love us.  You know why?  Simply because it is our HUMAN RIGHT!

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