Bridge Building, Celebrations, Intersex Awareness, Intersex People, PFLAG, Relationships

PFLAG Rockford Chapter is the 2nd to become INTERSEX Inclusive.

I am excited to announce, and celebrate that  PFLAG Rockford Illinois is the second PFLAG Chapter to responsibly include intersex.   My chapter, PFLAG of Jacksonville is the first.  This happening after they made me their Director of Gender/INTERSEX Education.  It is my goal now to help other PFLAG chapters add the “I” responsibly.

While traveling to the PFLAG’s National conference in Portland, this October 2017, I met Phyllis Gallisath the Founder and President of PFLAG Rockford Chapter.   It was one of those serendipitous moments, where we discovered ourselves sitting on the plane together during my connection in Chicago.  We introduced ourselves and quickly learned that we were both headed to the same conference!  This was the beginning of a new and amazing relationship and some very long educational discussions around intersex.

During that time Phyllis opened her heart and her mind while learning the differences between LGBTQ and the special needs of us intersex people.  While also seeing that a good number of us intersex people and parents of intersex kids, are without inclusive community and supports due also identifying as LGBTQ+.

I gave my presentation at the National Conference, as a workshop, and during it, I talk about adding the “I” responsibility to LGBTQ+.   It is very important to me that the “I” is added with full responsibility and not carelessly.  My job going to PFLAG’s National conference was in honor of all us intersex people and the parents of intersex kids.  I am very excited to be doing this work!   This would not be happening without my friends and supporters from Jacksonville PFLAG Chapter, so a huge thank you to them too!

Thank you, Phylis, for making your PFLAG Chapter the second!

 

 

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Founder & President of Rockford PFLAG Chapter: Phyllis Gallisath with me at the airport traveling to the National PFLAG Conference in Oregon, 2017.

 

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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter

You can “like” their facebook page:  PFLAG Rockford Chapter

Here is their website: PFLAG Rockford Chapter


Book Mx. Anunnaki Ray To Come Speak 


My related Blogs Regarding Intersex Inclusion: 

Intersex Inclusive PFLAG Chapters

Why I feel INTERSEX should be added to the LGBTQ rainbow

Making History! PFLAG of Jacksonville, Florida, includes INTERSEX.

Adding the “I” responsibly to LGBT

If you would like to add the “I” with responsibility, I would love to show you how, and look forward to hearing from you too:

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Bridge Building, Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, Intersex People, Relationships

Why I feel INTERSEX should be added to the LGBTQ rainbow

I feel it is now time to create more allies, create more supportive organizations, and give a way for organizations that want to become intersex inclusive direction on how they can help us end these atrocities that intersex people face.  These human rights violations are in regards to aborting healthy intersex fetuses, and ending non-consenting cosmetic corrective surgeries that are not medically necessary that are being done to intersex infants and children.  Surgeries that often fail miserably, create genitals with poor sexual sensitivity.  Surgeries that often assign us the wrong gender, are not reversible, take away our fertility, and sadly lead to repeat surgeries.  All of this leading to psychological and physical trauma throughout our lives.

Many organizations such as PFLAG are now showing they are welcoming to intersex, and many PFLAG chapters are wanting to become more inclusive to intersex.  However, adding the “I” needs to be done with great care and I personally can be contacted to make sure that this is done responsibly.

Here is my e-mail: anunnakiray@outlook.com and a page dedicated just to PFLAG chapters who are ready to become intersex inclusive: Intersex Inclusive PFLAG Chapters.

Below I will talk about the reason to add the “I” to the acronyms LGBTQ+.  Below I show why I am for this inclusion of intersex:

Reasons to add the “I”:

  1. Hida Viloria, the Executive Director of Oii-USA and Intersex Campaign for Equality shares how intersex people often identify, and how some of us will appear simply either male or female or queer:   How Intersex People Identify.  Co-authored with Dana Zzyyn.
  2. Statistics show that over 50% of us intersex people identify with a sexual orientation that appears gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, pansexual, asexual and more.  Statistics from: Demographics from Oii-Australia
  3. Statistics also show that an intersex person can have any gender identity.   Some intersex people are cis-gender (agree with birth assignment) and conform to either male or female.  Some of us are simply queer, intergender, non-binary or gender nonconforming.  There are also few of us who identify as transgender and intersex both. Statistics from: Demographics from Oii-Australia
  4. Cary Costello Ph.D. talks about how some of us who are intersex sometimes appear as transgender or identify and call ourselves transgender:   Cis Gender, Trans Gender, and Intersex  Cary also shares how homophobia is often behind genetic experts suggesting to terminate and abort healthy intersex fetuses:  On Eugenic Abortion of the Intersex.  An LGBTQ organization is going to have the sensitivity to deal with transphobia and homophobia.
  5. When a person, like myself, realizes that they are intersex instead of a disorder and that their biological sex is intersex, finding a safe space among other sexual minorities is important.  I know it was for my family, especially if we may also appear LGBTQ+.
  6. For me being a part of the LGBTQ+ groups showed me it was ok to be a sexual minority.  It allowed me to feel ok with my appearing gay and transgender.  Thus helping my self-determination and not having shame.  I feel it could give this gift to other intersex people who may also naturally appear LGBTQ+
  7. If an organization takes the time to educate themselves about intersex, it could create more safe spaces for us LGBTQ+ intersex people.  Especially those of us who also identify as transgender, non-binary, nonconforming, or queer.   I see how this happened when the “T” was added to LGB.  Although some trans appear heterosexual, some also now appear lesbian, gay or queer, just like some of us intersex people and this inclusion was very helpful to the transgender community.

Reasons to not add the “I”:

  1. The fear of intersex being mixed up as a gender identity or a sexual orientation problem.
  2. Some intersex people consider themselves a disorder of sex development still, and are happy with their intersex diagnosis and don’t feel their diagnosis has anything to do with being  LGBTQ+ or being a sexual minority.
  3. The way I see it, it could simply be a case of  Homophobia, Transphobia, Queerphobia, Intersex phobia that keeps people from wanting to add the “I”.
  4. Some intersex people are cis-gender (agree with their birth assignment) and also appear heterosexual.  They don’t have any reason to need to be affiliated with LGBTQ+, pride parades or any of it.

My solution to those who don’t want the “I” added:

To alleviate confusion, it is important to educate that intersex is about biological sex and biology, and that the biggest problems we face are the forced assignment of gender, surgically, or hormonally.  Intersex advocates, activists, and educators are trying to end our being aborted when detected in-utero and the non-consenting surgeries on infants and children.   When adding the “I” to your organization it is my hope that you will also make it a part of your effort to make this a safer world for those of us born intersex.  Last, it should be always educated that some intersex people do not appear LGBTQ+, nor need to.

Further, for those intersex people who do not even feel they are intersex, that is their right to not declare it and to embrace their diagnosis or conditions as not intersex.  However, just because they don’t feel they have a variation of intersex, nor want LGBTQI+ support, doesn’t mean that over half of the intersex community won’t benefit from it.  Which again, is a person’s right to self-determination and should always be respected.

With all this said: 

I personally feel that it is time to include the “I”, but only if it is done with great responsibility and education about ending non-consensual genital corrective surgeries on intersex infants and children.  While also guiding people to the correct organizations to support genital integrity.  Here is a list that is always necessary to make sure intersex people get the right supports and are not mixed up with transgender:

Important Organizations to Include on your website if you add Intersex to LGBTQ+:

Below are links that will ensure that parents in the USA, Australia, and other countries, are guided to informed and safe people that will reinforce the self-determination of gender,  and that “No Body is Shameful”, and can support  genital integrity:

Two PDF files you can print and distribute:

1) United Nations INTERSEX Factsheet from United Nations

2) Brief Guidelines for Intersex Allies

Links you should add to your organization’s website: 

1) Intersex Campaign for Equality  AKA Organization Intersex International, USA: Oii-USA.org  

2) Organization Intersex International: Oii-Australia

3) Organization Intersex International Network (World Wide list)

4) Intersex Support for Parents (Closed FB Group)

5) Houston Intersex Society

6) InterACT Advocates for Intersex Youth: interactadvocates.org

7) StopIGM.org (Ending intersex genital mutilation) 

8) Mx. Anunnaki Ray Gender/INTERSEX Activist, Educator, Writer and Speaker



References:  Important articles and data that shows me it is time to include intersex to LGBTQ:  

  1. The Forgotten Vowel: How Intersex Liberation Benefits the Entire LGBTQIA Community By Hida Viloria
  2. How Intersex People Identify By Hida Viloria and Dana Zzyym
  3. Cis Gender, Transgender, and Intersex By Cary Costello Ph.D.
  4. On Eugenic Abortion of the Intersex By Cary G. Costello Ph.D.
  5. THEIR TIME After generations in the shadows, the intersex rights movement has a message for the world: We aren’t disordered and we aren’t ashamed
  6. Demographics of intersex people in Australia borrowed from Oii-Australia:

Quote:  An independent 2015 survey of 272 people born with atypical sex characteristics has provided us with good statistical information for the first time. The survey was led by Dr. Tiffany Jones of the University of New England, and it was published in February 2016. It shows very diverse understandings of intersex bodies, sexes, and genders.

Graphics below borrowed from Demographics from Oii-Australia:

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Assuming that human sexual behavior is similar to Australia globally, as you can now see, the evidence from Oii-Australia shows the need.  Thus helping all infants and children be taught that they are ok being born into the bodies they are born into, regardless of how their sexual orientation, gender identity, or actual biological sex is recognized by this world when they become adults.  Adults who may or may not even need marriage equality, if we grow up to appear gay or lesbian.  Here is a personal blog that shares about how my family needs intersex inclusion: Are my Husband and I Gay Men Now? How We Became Sexual Minorities, Our Intersex Love Story.

Regardless of how us intersex people appear to this world when we grow up, the self-determination of gender and our genital integrity is our human right.

Here are Helpful LGBTQIA+ Definitions that help to explain Human Sexuality. 

If you would like guidance on adding the “I” responsibly to your organizations’ acronyms please contact me: 

 

 

 


Important blogs I have written that support adding the “I” to LGBTQ+: 

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Bridge Building, Celebrations, Human Rights, Intersex Awareness, PFLAG

Making History! PFLAG of Jacksonville, Florida, includes INTERSEX.

Garry Bevel President, PFLAG of Jacksonville, and Frieda Saraga, Board of Directors, and Founding Board Member of PFLAG of Jacksonville, have been absolutely amazing to work with.   Both have accepted me, with open arms, and have listen with care, when I felt intersex should not be left out by the acronyms LGBT or LGBTQ.   They have not only listened with care, they have acted on it.

On January 19th, PFLAG of Jacksonville, made it possible for me to educate our city by giving  a presentation about the importance of intersex inclusion, and how to do that responsibly.

After that talk, they clearly could now see the need  in this city for the parents of intersex children, as well as us intersex adults, needing more support here.  So, today I have agreed to serve as PFLAG of Jacksonville’s  Director of Intersex and Gender Education!  

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Left to right:  Mx. Anunnaki Ray, Garry Bevel, President PFLAG of Jacksonville,  and Frieda Saraga, Board of Directors, and Founding Board Member.  The Yellow and Purple flag is the Intersex  Flag, that was created in Australia, that I have chosen to promote here in the USA too.  Please “like” on Facebook:  PFLAG of Jacksonville

 


You can read more about my position here: 

Mx. Anunnaki Ray, Director of Intersex and Gender Education for PFLAG of Jacksonville

Position Description and Purpose:   About those who are born intersex and the common language used in speaking about intersex lives. Raise awareness about intersex human rights and how those rights are often violated. Offer outreach and support for the parents of intersex babies, or children, in Jacksonville, and guide them to the appropriate organizations that will reinforce Self-Determination of gender of their intersex child.  This is to avoid misinformed, unnecessary, and non-consensual medical intervention, saving physical and emotional lives.

My Goal and Objectives:  Educate PFLAG about the importance of intersex inclusion, and how to include intersex responsibly; while including the understanding of the prevalence of intersex, and erasure of intersex experiences. Distinguish intersex (natural bodily variations, from typical male and female dyadic biological sex), sexual orientation, gender, gender identity and gender expression.  Provide workshops and training to PFLAG of Jacksonville and their local agencies.

Strategies and Evidence-Based Support:

  1. United Nations Intersex Fact Sheet: https://www.unfe.org/system/unfe-65-Intersex_Factsheet_ENGLISH.pdf)  
  2. Oii USA, and Executive Director Hida Viloria:  (http://oii-usa.org)
  3. InterACT, Advocates for Intersex Youth (http://interactadvocates.org)
  4. Additional support from, Judi Herring, M.D.

Tasks initiatives:

Promote the use of common, affirming language, in regards to descriptions of gender and  sexual minorities.  This would include:  Biological sex (Dyadic Sex and Intersex), Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression.  Encourage shifts in medical and business cultural humility and intersex inclusion.


Memories of my PFLAG Presentation on January 19th, 2017:

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For this PFLAG presentation I also played two videos:  Judi Herring, M.D.’s, TEDx TALK:  Gender Bound, Lessons From the World Between, and Dr. Tiger Devore’s Interface Project Message “No Body is Shameful”.  Everyone also received an Intersex Fact Sheet, from the United Nations.  

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Here is my autobiography: About Mx. Anunnaki Ray

Book Mx. Anunnaki Ray To Come Speak

Blogs that guide in adding the “I” responsibly to LGBT: 

  1. Why I feel INTERSEX should be added to the LGBTQ rainbow
  2. Adding the “I” responsibly to LGBT
  3. The difference between transgender and intersex and the harm that wrong language can bring
  4. INTERSEX Erasure Hurts! Examples of Misguidance from Doctors.
  5. Doctors call us a disorder, defect, or syndrome, when we are born. We are simply INTERSEX.

Please “like” on Facebook:  PFLAG of Jacksonville

If you would like to responsibly add the “I”, I look forward to guiding you:

 

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Bridge Building, Intersex Awareness, Intersex Erasure

Here is another sad example of Intersex Erasure:

Recently they have been trying to get the senate to pass a bill that would require Sex Ed to be LGBTQ inclusive.  This would be progress, this would be awesome even.  However, it still does not include intersex, nor the teaching of our intersex bodies. It is another example of intersex erasure.  Below I explain how this hurts us people born intersex.

By changing culture and educating about us intersex people, it is my hope they will stop surgically, hormonally, and medically erasing our bodies at birth, and during our lives.  The abortion of healthy intersex babies might stop too.  Our births would no longer be so scary, stigmatizing and create so much fear.  The world would learn that no body is shameful.  Please help us intersex activists, speakers and educators end inters erasure.  Allowing our bodies to co-exist on this planet can only happen if we change culture, and educate this world.

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You can read the above article here: Senate Bill Would Require Sex Ed to be LGBTQ-Inclusive, Medically Accurate

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When did I get sex education about my body:

I did not get taught the truth about my body until I was 46 years old, and this is just wrong. It lead to my being suicidal, self hate, being raised the wrong gender, being an outcast, being medically abused and violated, misunderstood by my family, and being abused by society.   I know other intersex have experienced the same thing.  Intersex erasure can end lives.

Most of my education, about my body, came from other intersex educators and activists.  Such as Cary G. Costello, and Hida Viloria.  My doctors did not even teach me the truth about my body, until I fortunately met two new doctors recently.  They have helped me finally makes sense out of my body, and my gender.

In this country many still say it is ok to say “Disorder of Sex Development”, or even call my condition a “syndrome”.  Even if we flower it all up and say “Difference of Sex Development”, by changing the “D” to mean something else,  it still  stigmatizing in my opinion.  I would rather be called a hermaphrodite, before being called “DSD”.  However,   hermaphrodite is also a word that some intersex people find very stigmatizing.  So please always ask if it is ok to say hermaphrodite.  A few of us don’t mind it, some of us do.

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To me my biological sex is simply “intersex”.

I am simply an intersex person, or an intersex man.  The truth is, when describing biological sex (our physical bodies),  we have female, male and intersex.   At this time an intersex person can not accurately mark their sex on any government forms  yet.  There are only two boxes.  I am not allowed to mark both boxes and their is no third option.  I personally wish all the boxes would vanish.

We Offered to educate the schools and were told “NO”:

As an activist and educator I offered to educate our schools, with Judi Herring, M.D.,  in our county, I was told it was “adult content” to teach about intersex. That they would never allow it. How can teaching about the varieties of biological sex, and the truth about it be adult content? It is not.  The same county then went to teach all the 6th graders about the dangers of sex predators and “sexting”. Which I agree needed to be done; but this was seen appropriate and not “adult content”.

So, what is my sex, gender, gender expression, and sexual orientation: 

I will end this blog with a bit more education around being born intersex.  To be born intersex has nothing to do with our gender. An intersex person can have absolutely any gender. They can be cis-gender (agree with their birth assignment), typical female or male, gender fluid, gender queer, inter-gender, transgender, and so many more. We can also have any sexual orientation (who we prefer to have sex with), or gender expression (how we dress).

For me my gender could be described as “androgynous male”, “Non-conforming male”, or even “gender queer”.   I am ok with all those.  My gender expression is mostly conforming to male, but a bit more extravagant and androgynous.  My sexual orientation would appear Heterosexual when I appeared female to this world, but now would be assumed “gay” now that I appear male.  I think “intersexual” could be used as a sexual orientation to describe my husband and me.  I write about that here: Is my husband gay, now that I appear a man? I will use “Intersexual” as a Sexual Orientation and Are my Husband and I Gay Men Now? How We Became Sexual Minorities, Our Intersex Love Story.

Here is another link that might interest you in learning more about human sexuality: Helpful LGBTQIA+ Definitions of Human Sexuality

Thank you for reading, and helping us to change culture, and make this world for all of us.

Intersex Erasure HURTS!

Here are five different intersex flags seen around the world. 

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Civil Rights, Human Rights, Human Rights Violations, Intersex Awareness, Prejudice

When you do not include the “I” in your human rights efforts, this is why it hurts me and other people born intersex:

LGBT LGBT LGBT

I am not transgender.  I was born intersex.  But since I was raised the wrong gender, and had to reclaim my true gender,

Guess what?  

Almost everything that can happen to a gay person, lesbian, transgender person, or gender nonconforming queer person, has happened to me.    I now know I am not alone.  These things happen to other people born intersex too.  So far, due to being born intersex these Fifteen Human Rights and Civil Rights Violations  have happened to me.  I am forty-eight years old and almost did not make it out alive:At the age of three and four, I went through therapy to be taught I was a girl.   I was assigned female at birth.  I am not female.

  1. Although I am stable now, I have attempted suicide three times and almost four.
  2. One of those attempts happened before the age of eighteen years old; at the tender age of sixteen years old.
  3. Was kept out of locker rooms, and given the “favor” of taking more art or music class in Junior High and High School.   The shame made me silent.
  4. I have almost lost my life due to medical errors made by doctors, three times.
  5. I was sexually assaulted by my doctor by the age of twelve.
  6. I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend by the age of sixteen too.
  7. I was raped before I even turned twenty, and the judge let him get away after he shared about me.
  8. Doctors coerced me to medically and hormonally conform to a gender I was never born as.  (For some born intersex, this means forced surgery and hormones).  For me, I was not given choices, nor was informed of my choices, until I educated myself about my choices much later in life; after being made horrifically sick and disabled by their medical and psychiatric treatments.
  9. I had problems keeping a job, and getting a job.
  10. I was never allowed to represent my true gender, until recently, at work.  Where I am finally successfully and have a job I love.
  11. I have been fired by doctors, and denied treatment by doctors.  I have even received letters saying I am “patient non-compliant” when I started to embrace my true gender and stop the treatment that made me appear female.  A treatment plan that is currently the only accepted treatment for my form of intersex, and medical condition.
  12. I was rejected by my family, and turned into black sheep, and scape goat most my life.
  13. When I came out my true gender, I was rejected even more by my family.  This rejection and prejudice, not only touches me, but my husband and children; and continues to do so.
  14. I can only find medical help by special “safe” doctors.  Most would refuse to treat me.
  15. I obviously would suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression and Anxiety, how could I not?

To compound all this, I have also had over eighteen surgeries, due to complications my body has due to the way I was born, and have also suffered from four miscarriages, and have not being medical respected due to being “medically complicated”.  You can read about me in my autobiography.    Thankfully, I now finally have doctors and therapists,  who are trying to respect me, and help me; but this was not always the case.

So, when human rights effort do not include intersex, it hurts.  It hurts badly. I will not get restitution, and yet society and culture got away with it.

Worse, my own personal list does not even include the surgical violations that have harmed countless other intersex, or even the  countless abortions, when they justify killing us before we are even born.  The United Nations has said that the surgical assignment of gender has to stop.  Yet, only two countries, Malta and Chile have made laws to stop this practice.  This makes this even more horrific.   You can read about them too.

The meme below, went viral, and shares about Transgender Awareness.   As you can see in my list above, all but two have happened to me.  Please note, that before 2014 I appeared “heterosexual” (with my husband of many years),  and I also appeared “cisgender” (when we agree to our birth assignment of gender).  At that time my gender expression was that of a typical and conforming for female.  I would NOT have appeared LGBT back then; although I would have benefited from the support of equality groups including intersex.

It is so important that “sexual characteristics” be included in this speech in making laws to protect us, and the “I” be included.  That it is not just about  protecting sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression.   Now you can see this meme below,   sadly hits the mark for some born intersex too, and yet still does not include all the horrors faced by intersex people:

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If you doubt the above meme, please see: Transgender Awareness Facts

So, if you are including intersex in your HUMAN RIGHTS Efforts, you now can understand why better.  If not, please second think why you are not, and the harm this causes to people like me and our families.  

WE ARE HUMAN Martin Luther King, Jr.

Fix Society with Angel Feather

Stop the Eugenics and Genocide of Intersex

My Related blogs to this topic of Intersex Erasure:

  1. Judi Herring, M.D. and I talking to the City Council, about INTERSEX in Jacksonville, Florida, regarding the LGBT Human Rights Ordinance (HRO)
  2. The difference between transgender and intersex and the harm that wrong language can bring
  3. Am I Transgender? Can an intersex person be transgender?

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Celebrations, Culture Dysphoria, Hope, Human Rights, Relationships, Self-Determination, Short Messages

HAPPY Father’s Day to all the different types of DADS in this AMAZING WORLD.

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HAPPY FATHER's Day To all the different types of dads in the world1

This is a day where every type of DAD needs to be celebrated, and not one  DAD left out.

Culture can shift, to recognized all the different types of dads in this world.

It is time to make that shift now.  It is time to end Cultural Dysphoria, Stop Prejudice,  and Respect Everyone in this World.

This world is so diverse, and 

WE ARE HUMAN. 

HAPPY FATHER’s DAD to ALL the DIFFERENT TYPES Of DADS in this AMAZING WORLD! 

 

Helpful LGBTQIA+ Definitions and Human Sexuality
I am a Seahorse Dad
Celebrate Intersex

 

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Imagine What Seven Billion

Straight Ally Flag

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