Bridge Building, Celebrations, Intersex Awareness, Intersex People, PFLAG, Relationships

PFLAG Rockford Chapter is the 2nd to become INTERSEX Inclusive.

I am excited to announce, and celebrate that  PFLAG Rockford Illinois is the second PFLAG Chapter to responsibly include intersex.   My chapter, PFLAG of Jacksonville is the first.  This happening after they made me their Director of Gender/INTERSEX Education.  It is my goal now to help other PFLAG chapters add the “I” responsibly.

While traveling to the PFLAG’s National conference in Portland, this October 2017, I met Phyllis Gallisath the Founder and President of PFLAG Rockford Chapter.   It was one of those serendipitous moments, where we discovered ourselves sitting on the plane together during my connection in Chicago.  We introduced ourselves and quickly learned that we were both headed to the same conference!  This was the beginning of a new and amazing relationship and some very long educational discussions around intersex.

During that time Phyllis opened her heart and her mind while learning the differences between LGBTQ and the special needs of us intersex people.  While also seeing that a good number of us intersex people and parents of intersex kids, are without inclusive community and supports due also identifying as LGBTQ+.

I gave my presentation at the National Conference, as a workshop, and during it, I talk about adding the “I” responsibility to LGBTQ+.   It is very important to me that the “I” is added with full responsibility and not carelessly.  My job going to PFLAG’s National conference was in honor of all us intersex people and the parents of intersex kids.  I am very excited to be doing this work!   This would not be happening without my friends and supporters from Jacksonville PFLAG Chapter, so a huge thank you to them too!

Thank you, Phylis, for making your PFLAG Chapter the second!

 

 

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Founder & President of Rockford PFLAG Chapter: Phyllis Gallisath with me at the airport traveling to the National PFLAG Conference in Oregon, 2017.

 

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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter
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PFLAG Rockford Chapter

You can “like” their facebook page:  PFLAG Rockford Chapter

Here is their website: PFLAG Rockford Chapter


Book Mx. Anunnaki Ray To Come Speak 


My related Blogs Regarding Intersex Inclusion: 

Intersex Inclusive PFLAG Chapters

Why I feel INTERSEX should be added to the LGBTQ rainbow

Making History! PFLAG of Jacksonville, Florida, includes INTERSEX.

Adding the “I” responsibly to LGBT

If you would like to add the “I” with responsibility, I would love to show you how, and look forward to hearing from you too:

~.V.~

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Poems, Prejudice

Poem: SHAKE IT OFF!

 

SHAKE IT OFF! 

You say there are only two genders.

Go ahead and deny We exist when We stand in front of you

Educating you

Teaching you

Some ears can not hear!

∇∇

You say there are only two genders.

Go ahead and deny We exist when We stand in front of you

Educating you

Teaching you

Some eyes can not see!

∇∇

You say there are only two genders.

Go ahead and deny We exist when We stand in front of you

Educating you

Teaching you

Some hearts can not feel!

∇∇

And I am just going to just “shake it off”.  

Haters are going to hate!  

It’s going to be alright! 

~.V.~

 

 

By Mx. Anunnaki Ray 
May 18, 2017 
United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet

 

This Poem is Dedicated to “Shake It Off” (Metal Cover By Leo Moracchioli).

The original done by Taylor Swift: 

Lyrics:  Shake It Off
I stay out too late, got nothing in my brain
That’s what people say, that’s what people say
I go on too many dates, but I can’t make them stay
At least that’s what people say, that’s what people say
But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music in my mind
Saying it’s gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
I never miss a beat, I’m lightning on my feet
And that’s what they don’t see, that’s what they don’t see
I’m dancing on my own, I make the moves up as I go
And that’s what they don’t know, that’s what they don’t know
But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop grooving
It’s like I got this music in my mind
Saying it’s gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
Hey, hey, hey!
Just think while you’ve been getting down and out about the liars
And dirty, dirty cheats of the world you could’ve been getting down to this sick beat
My ex-man brought his new girlfriend
She’s like, “oh my God”, but I’m just gonna shake
And to the fella over there with the hella good hair
Won’t you come on over, baby, we can shake, shake, shake
Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I shake it off, I shake it off
Songwriters: Taylor Swift / Max Martin / Karl Johan Schuster
~.V.~
Intersex Awareness, Questions and Answers, Self-Determination

Comments that people say that hurt me, as a person born intersex who is reclaiming their true gender.

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I truly do not think most people want to hurt me, especially my friends.

However, sometimes the things people say do just that.  Since I know few have been educated about people like me, I try to simply explain why that was not an appropriate thing to say.

I have to have much patience, because a part of me wants to get angry.  It is non-stop, and unrelenting, day in and day out.

So, I decided to become an activist and an educator.  This way I can justify why I have to be put on the spot all the time.  Sad to say, sometimes the things that people say trigger some horrible memories.

Here they are,  comments that have hurt me (I will add to this as time goes by, but will start with these few): 

1) So you really think you can be a “real man”?

My thoughts:  

Yes!  I am as real as they get.  I am not imaginary.  My gender is non-conforming male, and yup…I am here, standing right in front of you.  Genitals do not create our gender, and never will.

2) My friend said:  “I am glad you are happy being male; I only want what makes you happy.”

My thoughts:  

It does not make me happy being a sexual minority, or an outcast.  This world is not kind to those of us born a sexual minority.  However, it does make me happy to finally get to live my authentic self.   I tried so hard to conform to your world as my birth assignment female.  It did not work.  Nothing about any of this truly makes me happy.  I am very disgusted by this world, and how they assign our gender at birth. 

3) My friend said:  “Yes a lot was taken from you. Your birthright. Your right to choose who you wanted to be. You should be comfortable raising your family and living your life the way you choose.”

My thoughts:

None of us get to choose our gender. To me, my gender is like my personality. Yes, we can improve ourselves and become better people, but I am still the same person I always was.  I also did not choose my sexual orientation.  Being with a man, and being attracted to him sexually just is.  But yes, everyone should have a right to choose their gender and sexual orientation, and not be judged or prejudiced against.  

4) Another friend said:  “You are lucky, you get to choose what gender you are because you were born both.”

My thoughts:

First of all, I was not born with two genders, just because my body is intersex.  I have one authentic gender.  Everyone is assigned a gender at birth.  None is “born a girl” or “born a boy”, we are all assigned a girl or boy.  Some of us are “lucky” enough to agree with our birth assignment.  I did not have a choice, just because I was born with intersex traits and born in between.  My personality is more male if I like it or not.  I simply exist, just like everyone else does. 

5) Another friend said:   “So, you are born a girl, and you decided to become a man?”

My thoughts:  

I did not choose to be a boy.  I was assigned wrong as a girl.  I was always a boy.  I was not “born a girl”.   None of us are born a girl, or born a boy; and we definitely are not born “women” or “men”.  Every one of us is assigned our gender at birth, by assumptions based on chromosomes, and our genital appearance.  Some of us just agree with that birth assignment, and some of us who do not agree can reclaim our true gender like I did.  To become a man or woman takes maturity and time; no one is born a woman or man.

6) Another friend asked:  “Does your husband miss her.?”

My thoughts:  

I am right here.  I did not vanish.  No, my husband does not miss me.  I did not leave.   I just go by a different name, and different pronouns now.  I grow my beard now.

7) Another friend said:  “Wouldn’t it have been easier to just keep conforming to appearing female so that your family would not have to deal with so much prejudice?”

My thoughts:  

I conformed to your world for 46 years.  I did everything I could to appear the “proper woman”.  I am done.  I can’t die living my unauthentic self; and yes, in the end it was killing me.  I would not have made it.  My ill health, suicide, or both would have taken my life.  Death would have been much harder for my family to cope with than prejudice; and yes, I enjoy growing my beard now.

8)  My gay friend said:  “How can you truly be gay?  Gay men want typical male bodies.” 

My thoughts:  

Some gay men do not have typical bodies or want typical male bodies.   My gender is male; my body is ambiguous, and I am attracted to my husband, who has a typical male body.  To this world, that makes me “gay”.    I am here to teach that genitals do not make a “real woman” or a “real man”.   I am as “real” as they get.

9) One friend said:  I have gay friends,  I even have a transgender friend.  I am “open-minded” enough to understand.

My thoughts:  I am glad they are “open-minded”.  However, even if their mind had been closed, I still exist.  I am here.  Alive and kicking, and nothing about me or my gender is imaginary.   Your having an open mind doesn’t give me permission to exist.  I exist even if you refuse to accept me as real. 

 

 

If you were born intersex, or transgender, and have some hurtful things people have asked and want me to add to this please write me, and I will add yours:  

 

 

THANK YOU FOR VISITING!  

~.V.~

 

 

Poems

Poem: I hide my rage!

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I HIDE MY RAGE! 

As an Activist I am on the front lines of a war.
I won’t walk away, or escape through that door.
It is in front of me day
in and day
out
and I do it
without pay.
*
I see the pain, I talk to the people who are hurting daily.
I grieve those who have died or who were murdered.
I grieve for the babies whose genitals are surgically messed up.
I try to comfort the mother or father who was lied to…
and with tears in their eyes
 they hold their baby who was violated
*
As an Activist I am on the front lines of a war.
I sometimes wonder if I can take any more.
It is in front of me day in and day out.
I see how this world messed up bad by not educating you about us.
*
Those of power and influence
trying to erase a part of humanity.
A few of us won’t be silent no more.
So as a marginalized person

I have to disregard my rage, my sadness and my overwhelming pain……..

and educate you.

Because if I don’t

 you will not listen.

*
Now that is the

epitome of entitlement.

BUT

I will try to do it calmly

for the intersex and transgender babies born
into a
world that wants to erase  them too.

 

By Mx. Anunnaki Ray 

April, 18th, 2016 

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The above picture is to: Poem: I Promise to Be Your Voice: My New Year Resolution for 2016

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STOP IGM!  = Intersex Genital Mutilation 

Fix Society with Angel Feather
Our Hope for a Better World.

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~.V.~

Intersex Awareness, Questions and Answers, Short Messages

Four Things most were never taught in Sex Ed, that Intersex People Know: With Judi Herring, M.D.

Four Things most were never taught in Sex Ed, that Intersex People Know:
  1.  Gender is a social construct that was created by us humans.
  2. Gender cannot be determined by our genitals, reproductive system, hormones.  This means that gender cannot be determined by the size of one’s clitoris or penis, the presence of testicles or ovaries, or the presence of a vagina or uterus.
  3. Gender cannot be determined by sex chromosomes.  Intersex and Transgender people prove all the time that there are XY woman, and XX men.  Plus, sometimes Intersex traits have nothing to do with our chromosomes.  Also, Sex chromosomes are not always XX, or XY.  Sometimes we are born: XO, XXY, XYY, XXYY, XXY, XY/XO, XX, XO, and XY/XX. 
  4. Gender is as vast as the stars in the universe.  The diversity of people, with all our different personalities, and physical differences prove it.  Gender is like a person’s personality, and how one feels about themselves internally.  
TEDx Gender Bound: Lessons from The World Between
By Judi Herring, M.D. 

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You can also read more about me:  The Difference Between my Biological Sex and My Gender.Seven Reasons to Why I do NOT want a THIRD GENDER BOX, and a possible solution, and What is Intersex?  By Hida Viloria of Oii USA. (Organization Intersex International, USA)

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~.V.~

 

Cosmetic Genital Surgery, Human Rights Violations, Intersex Awareness

Intersex is what it is….

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Intersex is what it is, even if our doctors want to call it something else.

Parents are not being told their baby is intersex to justify cosmetic genital surgery.  Most these surgeries are not medically necessary.  When in reality we are born with natural bodily variations.  Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet, that uses the correct language.  Because our bodies are seen as different, intersex infants, children and adults are often stigmatized and subjected to multiple human rights violations.  

Beware that this is some of the diagnosis and terms that can be used (although there are many, many more forms of intersex not listed here):  

  1. Intersexuality with hormonal variations
  2. Hermaphroditism not elsewhere classified
  3. Pseudo Hermaphrodite
  4. Disorders of Sexual Development (DSD; and taught that genital differences are a defect).
  5. CAIS or PAIS (Complete or Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome).
  6. Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia
  7. Gonadal Dysgenesis
  8. Hypospadias
  9. Epispadias 
  10. Ambiguous Genitals
  11. Microphallus (small penis)
  12. Micropenis
  13. Clitorolmegaly/macroclitoris
  14. Phalloclitoris
  15. 46,XX testicular disorder
  16. Chimera
  17. Psychosocial emergency (click to read about this)
  18. Psychological “well being” of the child, to justify drastic surgery. (A message from Tiger Devore Ph.D.)

……and likely other names and diagnosis,  that make a parent think their baby/child needs “fixed”,  and “medically” assigned gender based on their genitals. Yes, they actually can measure “it” to determine gender!  As a fetus, the same spot that develops into a clitoris, can develop into a penis.  You can read about that here: Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphalus, and Clitoromegaly.

Click Here for a list of types of Intersex and Intersex Variations. 

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The negative consequences of “fixing” these intersex conditions:

  1. Choosing the WRONG GENDER and assuming there are only two genders; when even gender is a spectrum of male and female.
  2. Loss of sexual function (Not reversible).
  3. Loss of fertility. (Not reversible)
  4. Loss of sexual sensation and orgasm as an adult. (Not reversible)
  5. Loss of body parts you wish you had, once you self-determine your gender.  (Not reversible)
  6. Scar tissue does not grow with the child.  This almost always results to repeated surgeries. (Not reversible)
  7. SEVERE POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.

WARNING: There is NO chromosome test, no investigative surgery, or genital test for determining gender.  GENDER is best defined as our personality and how we identify as male, female, both or neither.  Relax, and let the baby decide when they find their voice.

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Please wait until the baby/child, can tell the world who they are.  See if they truly want THEIR genitals cut on, removed, or changed.

My Body is Not Abnormal. Please Don’t Call Me Broken.

Doctors call us a disorder, defect, or syndrome, when we are born. We are simply INTERSEX.

Two diagnosis that bring in the cash $$ for surgeons, psychiatrist, and therapist: Disorders of Sex Development, and Gender Dysphoria

My Biological Sex is a Diagnostic Code 1

To learn about Gender and Intersex, please watch:

TEDx: “GENDER BOUND, Lessons From the World Between”

By  Judi Herring, M.D.

  Here is the United Nations Intersex Fact Sheet

A message from:  Hida Viloria (Intersex writer and activist):

“Intersex people are born with sex characteristics that do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies. Being intersex is much more common than most people think – according to experts, there are as many intersex people as there are red haired people.

Because their bodies are seen as different, intersex children and adults are often stigmatized and subjected to multiple human rights violations, including violations of their rights to health and physical integrity, to be free from torture and ill-treatment, and to equality and non-discrimination.”

All Intersex Bodies are Beautiful, and I do not need fixed to fit your ‘normal’.

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Interface Project

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Please go to my link for educational Videos and A list for Organizations: Intersex Videos and Organizations

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Questions and Answers

When is it ok to ask me about my genitals?

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Answer: Never!

It is truly no one’s business, unless I make it your business.  

But to educate I will talk about it here.  

Most would never talk to a complete stranger, or even a friend about their genitals.  But for some reason being intersex, or transgender, many people think it is their business.

This is because most our  world currently defines male and female by our genitals, people are obsessed with our genitals defining our gender.  So they pry into my business, to check to see if I got it “right”.  I have received some of the most profound, and bold questions.

Here are the answers to the top ten questions I have been asked.  I have also added links to past articles I wrote for your convenience

  1.  No, I do not have the “best of two worlds”.  I am a 46, XX, intersex man, and I am “Intergender” or “Non-binary” gender.
  2. No, my intersex genitals do not mean I am both genders, male and female.  I have one gender, and I call myself “intergender” or  “non-binary”  male.  Intersex people, like anyone identify their gender, anyway,  just like anyone else has the right to.
  3. No, I will not tell you the size of my “junk”, or how I have sex.
  4. Yes, I have had surgeries that involved my reproductive system, but I do not consider myself to be mutilated by these surgeries.  However, I was hurt by being raised the wrong gender,  and was a harmed by medical and psychiatric interventions, that wanted to “fix me”.  I sadly know many who have been destroyed by genital surgery though.
  5. No, I do not have testicles. I have atypical ovaries and a body (adrenals),  that produce higher androgens (male hormones).  In utero and as a developing fetus, I also was exposed to higher androgens, and this changed the way my body developed intersex, and it likely masculinized my brain.
  6. Yes, I am of the male gender. No, I do not have sperm.  I am female fertile, so I have eggs.  It is impossible for the human body to have both eggs and sperm.
  7. Yes, I was capable of childbirth, by having two c-sections, and through adoption.  Please read about it here: I am a SEAHORSE Dad.
  8. No, I  will not have surgery to alter my genitals.  I do not feel defective, broken, or in need of surgery to make myself what is “typical” to my gender male. You can read more:  My Body is Not Abnormal. Please Don’t Call me Broken.
  9. No, I do not have gender dysphoria and I never felt trapped in the wrong body.  I actually like my body now that I found out I was lied to all my life about my genitals  being “defective”.  I will never say “disorder of sexual development” again, and my gender is not created by my genitals.  Gender is how I internally feel about myself, much like my personality.
  10. Yes, I have one dedicated partner of twenty-seven years.  Therefore, my sexual orientation is being with this ONE person.  I was born with an intersex body, but this does not create my GENDER or define my Sexual Orientation.

“Do you really think you can be a ‘real man'”?

Yes, I am a real intergender/non-binary intersex man.

I am simply no longer invisible to you no more.

 

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WE ARE HUMAN

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Please note: Each intersex and transgender person is different.  

I can only share my intersex experience.

 Educational Intersex Videos and the Blogs of Other Intersex People.

World Wide Advocacy and Support for Intersex and Ttransgender People

~.V.~