As you lay there dying,
You gave me my marching orders:
“We are Knights at the Round Table.
I must die now
You must live on.”
I knew it would be my last night with you.
I stayed awake the entire night.
Candles of rainbow colors burn in the dark room with only the two of us.
With two oxygen machines humming.
Your CPAP machine was turned off.
Hospice said it was not needed
The last time I was up all night with you
was when we were young.
Thirty-three years ago.
What a precious memory.
We were so young, so innocent.
Not touched by cancer, twenty-two surgeries,
or several shared close calls with death.
So much suffering would happen.
But back then, it was
only our dysfunctional parents.
You forgave everyone for the harm they had done to you.
We had complete forgiveness for each other, as well.
We screwed up our own kids, though.
It is a generational curse.
Some can not hear
because they are too filled with
Ego, GUILT, and REGRET.
There is nothing I can do to change any of them.
Now some hate me,
It is them,
I pray they stop using me as their punching bag.
I am their scapegoat, though!
You got the last words, though.
They did not hear that you forgave them, though.
So, they call me the liar now.
The truth hurts all of us.
I am abandoned again,
It is unfair.
As long as I am alive and
I now could die too, soon.
I March Forth
I will abide by
to your last request
Somehow, without you.
By Anunnaki Ray Marquez
March, 27th, 2023