Since I have chosen to live as my true self, I have been having deep thoughts about this male/female binary. Being born an intersex person in the late 60’s, and even if I had been born now, there is no option to raise me gender neutral, androgynous, gender non-conforming, or non binary gender. Even transgender children, and transgender people, are being shoved into these two male/female boxes.
The pressure to conform so great surgeries are performed, and there is much stress to “pass” as the two “proper” and allowed genders, male or female. Which both have been defined culturally and socially by most everyone. The thing is, I do not fit one or the other box and I am not going to force myself anymore either. I was created like this, and I do not feel it is wrong.
I think this obsession for genitals to “pass” as the preferred gender is the most concerning. Surgeries are good if one truly had informed consent, and wants it with all its risks, but NOT if it is a baby with adults choosing for them. There is no way a doctor, or parent knows the true gender of that child, or what the sexual orientation will be for that child. My story is proof among too many of that error in thinking. Some of us, like me, want to keep our genitals just the way nature created us. That should be my human right and anyone’s human right.
Today, to conform there are two options, male or female. Not all intersex people are like me. Some do conform to the binary, male or female, and are happy and content. Some are like me, non-binary. Gender is a spectrum and the more I learn about gender, the more I realize the binary is a myth.
So what do people call me then? Mx. is a gender neutral title that is now widely accepted by government and many businesses in the United Kingdom. Mx. Is also slowly integrating itself into American culture, especially in New York. Mx., usually pronounced Mix or Mux, is an English-language and is now honored in the UK. Mx. does not indicate gender. It is often the only option for nonbinary people, as well as those who do not wish to reveal their gender. I like it! I do realize that some might not know Mx.. In those cases I am not offended to be called Mr., Mister, or Sir.
Since I naturally have higher male hormones, and inject even more testosterone now. It does feel good to be seen male now, and to hear he, him, his. I am NOT offended by your typical male pronouns. I no longer have to worry about facial hair, mannerisms being more male, or being an “inappropriate female” with my preferred gender expression being more of the male spectrum.But to be honest, I will never conform again to the gender binary. So the pronouns: “they, them, their”, work well for me too.
However, I feel very offended if a person calls me female now. Being raised a binary female was catastrophic for me. Hormonally living up to this standard of female caused me much medical harm, and my personality was scrutinized by psychiatrists, and my very existence not allowed. So please never refer to me as a female, Mrs., Ms., she, her or mom. It reminds me of how I was violated. Father, or Vader works good for my family. Vader is “father” in German, since we have two dads in our house. If you have time, you can read about that here: “I am a SEAHORSE Dad”.
Androgyny , Gender Non-Conforming, Non-binary or Gender Queer are also ways that I can describe myself. I also can describe myself as Bi-gender too. For me self-determination is huge. I was taught to conform, hide, and be ashamed of my personality, my natural hormones, and my body.
I am done being ashamed of myself. I now can show my true colors.
Here is a song to celebrate freedom of expression, By Cyndi Lauper: