As a teen “girl”, in the 80’s all the short rock stars and movie stars haunted me and intrigued me at the same time. Limahl was one of them. He was in the group, Kajagoogoo, as well as being a musician on his own. He haunted me because I was not allowed to be a boy. I obsessed over shorter guys, because if I had been allowed to be a boy, I would be “short”. Society would not allow me to be my true gender. I had the 80’s hair, the clothes, but not my true gender. As a teen musician, I fantasized about becoming a male rock star too.
Adam Ant, is much taller, at 5’8″; but Limahl is only 5’6″, like me. I had the most fun dressing like Adam Ant though. Adam Ant, was and is, a nonconformist. I am still a nonconformist, and will always be. Back then, I was obviously searching out guys, that match who I was, so that I could imagine myself as existing.
Next, Chris Kattan, is my size too, at 5’6″. He is in my favorite movie also: “A Night at the Roxbury”. In that movie they used the song: “What is love” by Haddaway. I have “What is Love” as my ringtone. I do everything I can these days to celebrate my re-birth, and the emancipation of my true self. Hey! Pretty good for being a “teen boy” at forty-eight years old! Just so you know, when we reclaim ourselves, or go into transition, to our true gender, we go into hormonal adolescence. That is why I just called myself a teen boy.
My parents tried to sway me from my dreams. They convinced me that I would starve or “amount to nothing” if I became a musician. I was amazingly talented as a musician though. I played alto saxophone, piano, synthesizer and even the alto and soprano recorders. I received awards for my music achievements, and for the compositions I wrote. I was also talented with my art, and received awards for that too. Not sure why my parents assumed I would have starved to death.
Regardless, I am now proud to be a little man, a short man, a handsome man. It has taken me much time to be able to own myself as REAL. Some even think I am a beautiful man. Which I find delightful, since Pete Burns, of Dead or Alive, was also someone I treasured and looked up to when growing up. Back in the 80’s he was no doubt a beautiful, gender non-conforming, androgynous man like me.
I have much relief to not allow the medical system, or culture rule my existence. Special (gender taboo) doctors and therapists now help me. Along with reclaiming my true gender, I am now trying to get my music and art back too. I am also trying to find work for the first time as my true self. Which is not easy in a prejudice country, but I am trying.
Most of all, I can be ME now. It was not too late for me. I thankfully did not die from medical neglect, or suicide. I survived it! Don’t give up on your dreams, no matter who you are, or how old you are!
The Self-Determination of our gender is our HUMAN RIGHT! We are human