Things Endosex/Cisgender/Heterosexual people don’t have to worry about.

By talking to other intersex and/or transgender people on social media, I have created this list of things Endosex/Cisgender/Heterosexual people do NOT have to worry about daily.

Note: you are born with endosex physiology if you are not born with intersex physiology. Cisgender means you agree with your birth assignment. Heterosexual means you are “straight“.

1. If they need suicide prevention, they don’t have to worry about calling a transgender safe suicide prevention hotline or going to a safe facility. Not all suicide prevention or mental health providers are transgender or intersex knowledgeable or safe.
2. If they need to use the restroom, they don’t have to worry about covering any “non-passing” features on themselves beforehand or worry about getting harassed. Although the bathroom bans being put in place already affect endosex cis women who do not conform nor appear “womanly” enough.
3. If born with intersex traits, they do not have to worry about forced coercive surgical procedures as nonconsenting children or abused as an intersex child because they are born differently.
4. They don’t have to explain to Drs or be asked questions like, “Can you be pregnant” or not part of every clinical experience. Or need to explain their medical condition each and every time they attend a drs or related service.
5. Consider all bathroom options every time they leave the house.
6. They don’t have to worry about being killed for showing their love.
7. They don’t have to hide themselves from their work to ensure being hired.
8. They don’t have to make sure their doctor won’t discriminate against them.
9. They don’t have to worry about being targeted by hate groups. 
10. They don’t have to worry about their family leaving them for who they are. 
11. They don’t have to worry about their housing being jeopardized because of their identity. 
12. They don’t have to worry about the lifelong trauma of being treated lesser than others and being told that their authentic gender identity is just a phase by even the people they think are safe. 
13. They don’t have to worry about where they go on vacation. 
14. They don’t have to worry about their new friends turning on them.
15. They don’t have to worry about their identity being disrespected when they call a crisis line/they don’t need crisis lines just for cis people in fear of discrimination.
16. They can learn about navigating puberty and intimate relationships in school-sponsored sex education classes. While queer and gender non-conforming (read transgender umbrella, intersex…) students feel even worse about themselves in the same class.
17. They typically don’t need to worry about passing, such as their voice not matching their appearance, or having to put effort into hiding features that may not even be able to be fully hidden, or just having certain mannerisms which might “give you away”. They don’t have to worry about their safety when it comes to those things.
18. They can safely go to the police/emergency services without fearing that the cops/emergency services will enable or participate in any crimes against them because they participated in a fucking anti-LGBTQ+ hate rally.
19. They don’t have to be the victim of their own internalized transphobia/homophobia/intersex phobia that harms them repeatedly and prevents them from seeking out help or community because it gives rise to imposter syndrome.
20. They don’t have to grow up reading fairytales that have had characters like them removed from the storyline because their society found them distasteful (yes, some fairytales originally had trans/intersex/gay characters).
21. They don’t have to constantly justify their gender/sex/ relationships to clueless or bigoted folks just to be allowed some peace and dignity in public.
22. They didn’t have to grow up knowing utter loneliness because they were forced to hide their true identity so completely that it completely prevented them from feeling any sort of connection with anyone whatsoever.
23. They didn’t have to grow up never knowing true happiness because they only knew the excruciating pain of gender dysphoria.
24. Their doctors would never refuse care because of being LGBTQIA+ in some way.
25. They didn’t have to grow up without even knowing the language that describes who they are worrying that they are either so alone or so disgusting that no one dares mention anyone like them.
26. Their lives aren’t so undervalued that the 2-8% that regret transitioning are heard and valued over the 92-98% that require lifesaving gender-affirming care.
27. They don’t have to try to deconstruct 2600 years of hatred and bias directed towards them in one stressful “discussion”.
28. They don’t have to be afraid to show affection to their partners in public.
29. They get to see themselves represented in the media and grow up with role models to look up to.
30. They don’t have to be the scapegoats and targets of a corrupt culture war.
31. They don’t have to fear putting stickers on their car representing their family or their membership in a particular community because it might get their car vandalized or run off the road.
32. They don’t have to worry about whether they pass as straight/cisgender/endosex to evade the relentless bullying and threats.
33. They don’t have to start over somewhere else or avoid every clueless person they knew previously to escape the relentless deadnaming and misgendering.
34. They don’t have to learn to recognize potential threats everywhere they go because it could get them cussed out/assaulted/killed if they don’t pay attention.
35. They don’t have to constantly hold their pee or shit because there’s nowhere safe to use the bathroom.
36. They don’t have to leave the room whenever children are around to avoid being called a groomer and attacked.
37. They aren’t limited to only certain states and campgrounds/hotels for vacation because they could get arrested/killed/ have their children seized if they vacation in the wrong place.
38. They get relevant sex education in school that doesn’t leave them feeling confused, alone, and clueless about who they are/who they like.
39. They don’t have to deal with the crippling loneliness and defeat of knowing that the vast majority of people you meet will hate you simply for who you are.
40. They don’t have to give up jogging because their neighbors laughed about killing gays and chased them down the street in front of their house on a UTV because they looked trans.
41. They don’t have to worry that the next election cycle could make them refugees escaping fascism and genocide.

If you have one you would like to add, please let me know with this contact form below: