Poem: My Broken Family

A generational tragedy

Over and over again

I wanted to end it

but learned I could only change myself

I decided to live

you didn’t

Over and over again

a type of generational tragedy

that will not stop repeating itself

suffering, death, dying

So much I am powerless over

I was taught that

I could only change myself

I could not change them

They continued to self-destruct

They continue to self-destruct

Suicide

Addiction

Alcoholism

Work-o-holism

any form of ism

generation after generation

they die – so many gone now, too

“A family disease,” they say

A true tragedy

So many slowly self-destructing still

So many still not getting help

and

doing harm to those around them

not seeing the harm they do

because they are the victim

even when they have become the

perpetrators of abuse and abandonment

I can not change them

I can only change myself

It hurts the pain of it all

Especially after losing you

abandonment

If I could make it different for them, I would

But it is up to them – not me

I am powerless

Yet, I feel left behind

abandoned

As I try to fix myself

you stay so sick

stuck in your self-centered created hell

You say you are my new family

I do not trust you

after what blood did for generations

suffering, death, dying

a generational tragedy that will not stop

always left picking up the sharp pieces off the floor

of my life trying to protect myself from your harm

trying to not cut myself

and self-destruct

myself

Will I ever trust again?

I surrender

again

By Anunnaki Marquez

January 30th, 2022

A dedication to my 12-step recovery

~.V.~