Anonymous Messages, Bathrooms, Civil Rights, Human Rights, Intersex Awareness

An Anonymous Message From a Parent of an intersex child: What happens with the bathrooms when she grows up?

The Anonymous Messages

What happens with the bathrooms when she grows up? 

I often share the messages of parents to help change culture.  So you can hear their words, and not just my own all the time.  I do hope you take the time to read this one.  It is heart crushing.  This world has to stop the genital assignment of gender.  Errors are being made, and they are not rare.  The United Nations has declared genital correction surgeries to end.  It is time.  Please read this parent’s message below about their child, bathrooms, and growing up:


When our child was born I saw just a few feet in front of us. All the information was like running down a never ending tunnel. No true direction from doctors just what needed to be done in the moment. I engaged with others but reluctantly as I felt very scared of the things I could not fully understand. After surgery this moment of concern and regret over came me. What just happened to my baby. I did find a way out of the tunnel but not till it was to late. The hardest thing for a person/parent is, to make a choice for any individual that can’t express their own wishes. In hindsight it’s very clear, just don’t. Unless it’s a dyer life threatening situation. Recently our family traveled up North to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. We had to pass through North Carolina and of course stop and pee. 3 kids and a dog, means frequency in bathroom stops. I knew that Joey would not have any issues using the women’s bathroom, after all she is an 8 year old and no matter the gender of a child as a mom I would have accompanied my son just the same. But in this moment I realized that she is getting older and in a few years this could matter . As it does for many intersex individuals. So I went back to the place of anger when this monumental human rights violation happened. I then relived the decisions made years earlier. A man made part was installed like a car part. We had no option to delay the infamous M or F on the birth certificate. We had to pick her gender before any human could process what just happened.
I share this as a real moment that not only parents process but Intersex individuals do. There are so many amazing moments in between and life’s goes on but there is always that injustice hanging around. There is always that little reminder that challenges are ahead. I took her picture by the women’s bathroom in N.C as a reminder of how heartbreaking, the reality truly is. This is my reminder to always educate and fight for all rights . To help stop surgery without consent, to open up more dialog for all spectrums of intersex individuals. To just listen to those in need. To be a friend when one is needed. To be a parent and not forget that my child is intersex, and her thoughts always matter.


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