Human Rights Violations, Intersex Awareness, Self-Determination

I will try to fix you

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I have already achieved what most spiritualist want to achieve and that is realizing we are more than just our physical body. I already have lived celibate, impotent, and with a body so “broken” that I would vanish into the spirit realm.  I did this the first forty-six years of my life.

During that time I lived in my mind, through my talents, and in my intellect.

When I dreamed, I dreamed I was male; when I awoke, I appeared female to this world.  I mastered meditation, but some skeptics might have called it dissociation.  I developed narcolepsy even and slept most of the day away. I call what I did survival.   Society had created these constraints the day I was born.

I was to live as a female when I was not female.  

It did not matter the cost.  It was my societal duty to be everything female.

Yet, I was never whole.

Then my physical body started declining and it got so bad I could no longer participate in my family life even.   I faced certain death, for I was on death row and felt terminal.

During that time my spirit fractured from my physical being.

My fight for survival was huge though.  I had nothing to lose now.  “She” was dying and most had abandoned us already due to the chronic illness.  What would it matter if they assumed I was more of a freak?  So I leaped from a plane this time last year. I was going to become my true self.

I am a non-conforming, androgynous guy and this is how it felt, it felt like I was jumping from a plane without a parachute.

If my husband,  my closest friends, councilors, and doctors did not try to save me; I was going to hit the ground.  It was over.

 BUT

They grabbed hold of me.  Most of all, my husband grabbed hold of me.  I am lucky.  Too many are not making it when the error in our gender is made.  For one reason; “they” claim our genitals wrong.

You have to realize that this is the first time in my life that I was ever allowed to be who I was meant to be all along, hormonally and physically appearing male to this world.  This last year, I looked in the mirror, and I saw a man emerge.

I became whole for the first time.

I have so much anger around these circumstances.  I get no restitution.  I was to be raised a girl.  You see, no one broke the law. Thank God, my husband of twenty-seven years did not leave me.  It is rare that a spouse or partner sticks around.

I am lucky I did not take my life.  There are people who care; if you are as hopeless as I use to be please find help.  It is possible.  

Anything is possible

And

ALL BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL!  No Body Is Shameful!  

I dedicate this blog to Cold Play’s “Fix You”:

~.V.~

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