Anonymous Messages from the parent of an intersex child:


The Anonymous Messages

Anonymous Message #1: 


About the bathroom laws:
If you do not understand the harm that will happen to Transgender and Intersex individuals by stripping bathroom rights please read this.
Not only will people be subjected to harm, physical abuse, and mental abuse, they are and will become the subject of a new form of segregation and hate.
Imagine your child being born with an undefined gender. Meaning the part between their legs did not tell you if you were looking at pink or blue baby.
In a matter of months, doctors convinced you that it was absolutely important to choose a gender. At this moment a quick process of surgery is conducted to provide you with a socially acceptable child.
I hope this scenario is uncomfortable to you. Because it is very real and people are not aware.
Now, after you have a child doctors deemed socially acceptable, the child begins to grow and their mouth starts forming words. They start to show their cognitive ability to know who they are.
One day your child clearly conveys that the man made part that was given to them, (maybe a girl part or maybe a boy part) does not make sense to their natural response to their gender.
Now your beautiful, amazing child who is coming into their personality needs to process that their physical feature below does not match how they feel.
Allow me to clarify:
These children were NOT born Transgender, they were born INTERSEX.
☆ Sex refers to biological differences between males and females. Sometimes the natural physical features do not match the corresponding XY or XX chromosomes .
If you are unsure, XY is Male and XX is female.
A (few) variation of Intersex would be:
Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome:
The body’s cells are unable to respond to androgen, or “male” hormones. (“Male” hormones is an unfortunate term, since these hormones are ordinarily present and active in both males and females.) Some individuals have partial androgen insensitivity.
Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome:
The extent of androgen insensitivity in 46 XY individuals is quite variable, even in a single family. Partial androgen insensitivity typically results in “ambiguous genitalia.” The clitoris is large or, alternatively, the penis is small and hypospadic (these are two ways of labeling the same anatomical structure). Partial androgen insensitivity may be quite common, and has been suggested as the cause of infertility in many men whose genitals are of typically male appearance. Individuals with ambiguous genitals have typically been subjected to “corrective” surgery during infancy.
Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia:
CAH occurs when there is a broken genetic “recipe” for making cortisone in the adrenal glands (the glands on top of the kidneys that make various hormones and add them to the blood stream). Because the recipe is broken, the adrenal glands, while trying to make cortisone, may make an unusually high level of other hormones that are “virilizing”. That is, they can make XX embryos have larger than average clitorises, or even a clitoris that looks rather like a penis, or labia that look like a scrotum.
Klinefelter syndrome:
The testes are small (about half typical size) and quite firm. After puberty, the ejaculate contains no sperm. Other effects of Klinefelter are quite variable. Boys with Klinefelter are usually born with male genitals that look like other boys. But at puberty, they may not virilize very strongly—they may not develop much body hair, or they may experience breast development. If the boy wishes to virilize, testosterone (either through injections or via patches) can help him to do so.
Are you confused yet?
You probably are and this is how parents feel when they have a child born intersex. The perfect opportunity for doctors to quickly give parents’ direction based on their opinion. (SCARY)
WOW, with all this information in such a short time, The doctors must be right, to preform non medically needed surgeries on individuals that have no voice yet. (Sarcastically speaking)
Final thought: Imaging your child, starting to understand who they are and okay with it. Now tell your child that they can no longer use the bathroom they have been using and despite all they have overcome, They must now use the boys bathroom even though all their friends know they are a girl.(The gender reference is interchangeable in the example)
Do you understand how dangerous and incredibly irresponsible the bathroom bill is?
I am not forgetting the Transgender children:
Binary gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex. Gender is not an understood concept directly out of the womb. It’s learned! One’s gender identity is not something individual can easily ignore.
There is a very clear impact to both Transgender and Intersex individuals. I advocate for all and hope you start your understanding with the countless children that are becoming victims of this hate driven decision.
Cited Intersex definitions can be found at :



Anonymous Message #2: 

About family photographs:

One of the coolest things about being a parent is showing off your adorable children in the millions of photographs that you took. Even if it’s kind of annoying to everyone else. Lol. It’s your right.
Rights? on second thought… hummmm. Let’s talk about that for a moment.
Parents of Intersex children have the right but at what consequence?
Allow me to paint a picture with just one of many examples:
Your child is born with ambiguous genitalia, without proper education and doctors rushing to normalize your child, they have now given you a perfect little boy or little girl.
Still somewhat unaware of what just happened, you carry-on with life.
Thousands of photographs are taken of your perfect little one. You do what most parents do, share on social media outlets.
Then your perception of everything comes to a screeching halt. You are now made aware after your child was given a man made part that they are intersex.
Never hearing of terms like Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, or Partial Androgen Insensitivity syndrome(only 2 of many), you are confused and scared.
You carry-on and one day your child defines who they are . They tell you what feels right and it’s not the man made part between their legs.
You do the right thing, spend countless hours online learning what the doctors did not disclose. Support your child in their choices and continue taking pictures of the most beautiful child in the world.
Then it hits you, what will happen to my child if some closed minded person stumbles across the pictures? What if another child sees the difference in gender portrayed in the photos? What if , What if, what if?
So you react, remove and hide all the before pictures to protect your child.
WHY does this feel so bad?
Because you dedicated yourself to making the world a better place and teaching your own child to be themselves and accept everyone.
Now you feel hiding what every parent has the right to do is taken away.
Because people suck! People are cruel.
Why are parents not speaking publicly?
They are scared for the safety of their children.
Please join and help fight for human rights. Yes for all , Yes for LGBT but could you kindly not forget Intersex?
Please with tears and a lump in my throat please Include the “I”.



Anonymous Message #3:

More about bathrooms: 

I first want to thank my family and friends for all your love and support!
This is for the rest of you.
Let me explain a few simple facts.
I support you and your children. I support each post where your children have been a victim of some insane rule, law, bulling event, and issues that has unfortunately invaded their precious little world. Would it be wrong to say you would do everything you could to protect your child? Would it not be true that you use social media to alert the world that your child is in harms way do to social perception ? When March of dimes needs help, I am there. When you post about a child that is beating the odds despite that fact they were born with down-syndrome, I rally for you. I rally for autism awareness, teenage suicide reduction,, anorexia and obesity. I rally for you because I care. I care about the well being of your child’s future. I care that they have an amazing quality of life. I care that you have to go through something so difficult. I extend my heart to you.
So for me , I am rallying for my child with or without you. I support her right to have an amazing quality of life. I want her to feel okay being who she is. I want her to beat the odds.
You think these bathroom laws are a joke? They are not and they do not take away from the many other environments and human concerns that are happening. As a parent can you see why not only I but others are fighting to restore basic human rights? You change where my child goes to the bathroom and you will label her as an outcast. You will subject her to hate,and discrimination.
She did not make a life choice in the womb. She did not decide to be born intersex. She had no idea the world of hate she was opening her eyes to. She did not know that society would require her to be fixed.
She did not choose Partial Androgen Insensitivity syndrome. She was biologically born different then you and I.
In my opinion, she was born perfect and I will make sure that she embraces being intersex, and knows that she no longer needs to be fixed. So if you for a second think that the controversy over bathrooms is stupid, take a walk in the day and the life of an intersex individual. Try to conceptualize what it is like to be born this way. Try to imagine having doctors decide to take a knife to your genitals and pick your gender for you before you can even speak your first word. Please open your eyes beyond politics and religion and see what is right in front of you. TRUTH!


Anonymous Message #4:

Traveling during the Holidays: 

When our child was born I saw just a few feet in front of us. All the information was like running down a never ending tunnel. No true direction from doctors just what needed to be done in the moment. I engaged with others but reluctantly as I felt very scared of the things I could not fully understand. After surgery this moment of concern and regret over came me. What just happened to my baby. I did find a way out of the tunnel but not till it was to late. The hardest thing for a person/parent is, to make a choice for any individual that can’t express their own wishes. In hindsight it’s very clear, just don’t. Unless it’s a dyer life threatening situation. Recently our family traveled up North to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. We had to pass through North Carolina and of course stop and pee. 3 kids and a dog, means frequency in bathroom stops. I knew that Joey would not have any issues using the women’s bathroom, after all she is an 8 year old and no matter the gender of a child as a mom I would have accompanied my son just the same. But in this moment I realized that she is getting older and in a few years this could matter . As it does for many intersex individuals. So I went back to the place of anger when this monumental human rights violation happened. I then relived the decisions made years earlier. A man made part was installed like a car part. We had no option to delay the infamous M or F on the birth certificate. We had to pick her gender before any human could process what just happened.
I share this as a real moment that not only parents process but Intersex individuals do. There are so many amazing moments in between and life’s goes on but there is always that injustice hanging around. There is always that little reminder that challenges are ahead. I took her picture by the women’s bathroom in N.C as a reminder of how heartbreaking, the reality truly is. This is my reminder to always educate and fight for all rights . To help stop surgery without consent, to open up more dialog for all spectrums of intersex individuals. To just listen to those in need. To be a friend when one is needed. To be a parent and not forget that my child is intersex, and her thoughts always matter.

Anonymous Message # 5

An Anonymous letter from a parent; to National Geographic.


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