The way I see it: A Penis and a Vagina does not Create our Gender Identity

I like to teach that gender is our personality and that a penis and a vagina does not create our gender identity.  I feel that my gender identity is a personal feeling and a way I internally feel about myself.  My gender identity has nothing to do with my chromosomes, hormones, genitals or reproductive system.  I call myself an Intersex, Gender Nonconforming, Androgynous Gay Man.  I also like to say that when you have met one intersex person, you have met one intersex person.  In this blog, I share my own personal thoughts about what creates gender identity and how I feel the medical complex and society is harming intersex children and transgender children with its mindset and protocols.

I Compare gender identity to our personality:

We are not assigned our personality, we just become it. Just like becoming left or right handed, or being able to be ambidextrous and use both hands.  We now trust a child to choose if they are left handed, right handed or ambidextrous when they are very young.  This analogy of handedness can be used when an intersex child is born both and even holds true for any child.  It holds true even if they are born with an endosex (not intersex) body.  Most gender experts know that children figure out their gender and they do it relatively young and before they even start grade school.

Another thing I like to say is: Biological sex is of or relating to the physical, whereas gender is of or relating to the psychological.  Here are memes I created for social media:

 

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My Thoughts Regarding Intersex Children:

Here is the United Nations’  intersex FACT SHEET.  I believe that genitals, reproductives systems, hormones, and chromosomes will never create our gender identity.

If we just relax and wait, I promise the baby will let the world know.  Unless the child is having an urgent medical problem, like not being able to pee or poop, most intersex surgeries are cosmetic in nature and need to wait for for the child to decide.

All of us who were assigned wrong at birth have all proven that no expert, no chromosomal test, no MRI, CatScan or blood test can determine the gender of any of us 100% of the time.   Yes, sometimes surgeries are medically necessary, but most the time they are only cosmetic and have horrible consequences.  This means a lot of errors have been made and permanently so with non-reversible surgeries.   I know too many un-happy intersex people to prove the experiment of assigning our gender surgically has failed miserably and has to stop.  The obvious solution is to wait and let the baby decide their gender.

Some important links for parents of intersex infants and children:

Supporting Your Intersex Child – A Parent’s Toolkit PDF By IGLYO, Oii Europe, and EPA

PDF: Your Beautiful Child: Information for Parents Congratulations on the Birth of Your Baby!By © Hida Viloria and Claudia Astorino, 2013

PDF Intersex Affirming Hospital PoliciesBy InterACT and Lambda Legal

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My Thoughts Regarding Transgender Children: 

If we gave self-determination of gender to all humans at birth, the diagnosis of gender dysphoria and the label ‘transgender’ might possibly vanish.  Also, I believe that transgender people need to know there are other options than conforming to male and female stereotypes, in both body and personality.  Nonconforming and non-binary options are out there now and very few transgender people are even given this information.

It is our culture, government and medical complex, that has decided what genitals belong to what gender.  It is literally a cultural construct what created only these two boxes on birth certificates.  Anything outside of that expectation is now called gender dysphoria.  When I feel it is truly a case of “cultural dysphoria” around genitals and gender.

Here is where I need to add though:  The label transgender is very important to our culture right now, so we have to take on the discrimination that us transgender people face very seriously.  Plus, some people like calling themselves transgender, and it works for them, so this self-determination needs to be respected.

Yet, in the perfect world, if we gave self-determination to everyone, no one would have to transition or be diagnosed to do so.  We would all just simply exist from day one.  Birth Certificates could now possibly take note that a human was born.  My friend, Mo Cortez, Intersex Advocate from Houston, once shared that maybe our blood type could be put on our birth certificate in place of male or female.  Is our gender marker truly necessary on our birth certificate?  Many feel it is not for many reasons.

One last note about transgender children: Self-Determination is a human right, and only with consensual adults should genital cosmetic corrective surgeries be performed.  No government should dictate that an adult trans person has to have gender confirmation surgeries to validate their identity.

Surgery should remain a personal choice, no matter how we are born, and not a requirement for a transition from one gender to the other.  Sex reassignment surgeries are also a solution for severe forms of gender dysphoria and should always be available to those who require it.  The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) states:  “The medical procedures attendant to sex reassignment are not ‘cosmetic’ or ‘elective’ or for the mere convenience of the patient. These reconstructive procedures are not optional in any meaningful sense, but are understood to be medically necessary for the treatment of the diagnosed condition.”

Back to Intersex Natural Variations: 

Right now intersex variations are diagnosed as medical conditions.  When they are truly just naturally occurring natural bodily variations.  Even if not naturally occurring the person’s body should still be considered an intersex bodily variation(s) or intersex trait(s).

I feel that Intersex is the biological sex of an intersex person.  Can you imagine if we gave a diagnosis to male or female?  It would be ridiculous.  It is no different. Just like anyone an intersex baby can grow up to have any gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation.   Surgeries are not going to keep these things from happening.  Yes, there are going to be gay, lesbian, and transgender appearing intersex kids and people, and the world has to get over itself.

I am Proudly the First in Colorado to get an Intersex Birth Certificate

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A Gender Self-Determining World: 

If all children were no longer taught that their genitals made them a boy or a girl, and genital integrity was taught early on, wouldn’t this be a better world for intersex, transgender, and non-conforming people?  I believe it would be.  With this more positive upbringing, fewer people would be convinced they were born in the wrong body.

I believe that ‘no body is shameful’ and that all people can grow up to become the personality of any gender:  male, female, both or neither.  It is far more diverse than just two choices.

I also believe that it is not just intersex kids that need to learn that nobody is shameful.  It is all of us humans, especially transgender children.  Whom I feel are also being coerced to think they need genital surgeries when they grow up.

It is not just the parents of intersex infants who are being coerced into corrective genital surgeries.  It is everyone right now who does not conform to the ideals of what creates a male or a female body.

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If everyone was given the self-determination of their gender, we might be very surprised to see a world emerge  by far more “gender nonconforming”: 

The way I see it, there are three ways to be a gender non-conformist:

1) Our physical bodies appearing both or neither.  We can be born biologically endosex (not intersex) or intersex.