Our kids are proof that it is about educating only about the male/female binary, and intersex erasure, that messes up the truth around natural bodily variations existing in us humans. You see, our children were taught that intersex bodies existed, as soon as I realized I was not a disorder and was actually born intersex instead. Yup, they were taught about the female penis and the male vagina. They were taught that sometimes a woman can be XY, a man can be XX, and those other chromosomal variations of human exist too, like XXY, XX/XY, XO and so many others. Here is the United Nations’ Intersex Fact Sheet, if you have never heard of intersex before.
You see, naturally, humans come with many variations of genitals, reproductive systems, chromosomes, and hormones. It simply is the way nature planned it all. We are a variety of human. It is that simple.
My kids had to actually learn that the male/female binary is what the rest of the world believes. After learning about intersex, it blew their minds that there were just two options: Male or Female bodies.
Now, imagine teaching your children that you have been erased by this world.
That there is no box for me, few doctors that will see me even because I am taboo. It truly sucked for them, my husband and for me. They felt violated themselves and angry and scared for me! We lost our home trying to chase down a doctor, across the country that would treat me. Yes, I was medically abandoned by doctors and told I was no longer patient compliant when I refused to do what they asked me to appear female.
It is hard to explain to a child that there is NO box for their type of father. That it is the world that messed up. That it was not my body and not my hormones that went wrong.
My children naturally never felt it was ME who had to surgically conform to this world. I believe that most children naturally know we want our genitals the way we are born!
That is why when people asked: “how are your kids taking it?”, when I emancipated my gender, we shared that they were HAPPIER! In the typical male/female binary world, it is devastating though. But most assumed otherwise and thought: “OMG! How horrible that those poor kids just lost their mother!” Typical people also immediately assumed I would be having genital conforming surgeries too when I do not. We can just imagine the gossip. We lost countless friends, who could not cope with it.
Everyone also assumed my husband, of twenty-eight years, would leave. I was so disabled and sick, that he too gained his sex partner back. I was asexual for over a decade, due to doctors giving me no choices. We had become roommates. So when people asked: “How is he taking it?”, it was an insult to me! Yes, things changed socially changed dramatically for our family, but it was not the end of the world. It was the beginning of a new healthier life as a couple!
To an intersex person, like me, and some of my intersex friends, like Tiger Devore, gender is all a “gender performance”. A phrase that Tiger likes to use, and created to explain what I am saying here today. So, my kids did not lose a thing. They gained a healthier parent who now had a different gender performance for the world! I became “Vader” to them, another word for father.
I did not die when I faced certain death if I had continued on appearing female. It is the male/female binary world that thinks things are so rigid and so concrete that the sky falls when one changes that performance. And this is sadly why we lost so many friends and family.
The Mythical Hermaphrodite!
Some think me to be a mythical hermaphrodite too. Thanks to how this world brainwashed me too, all my life, I don’t feel magical, I feel like a guy with a ‘mangina’. A word that the famous transsexual, Buck Angel, says to describe his amazing male body. I feel like a gestational father too, words my intersex friend, Cary G. Costello, uses to explain away us guys who can grow a baby within our wombs. I am a “womb-man”, I was never a woman. I am a “seahorse dad”. For it is the seahorse father that gives birth.
So world, can you make room for the female penis too?
With us intersex people it exists Yup, my urologist calls it a penis now that my gender has changed to male! So that means, for forty-six years, before I appeared a male to this world I had a “female penis”. I am the same person, yet when I appeared female they denied calling it that. You can read this blog about the intersex ‘penis’ and all the shapes and sizes they come in: Seven Names for the SAME thing: Penis, Phallus, Clitoris, Phalloclitoris, Micropenis, Microphallus, and Clitoromegaly.
I know many intersex girls who have a penis, and this world should not threaten cutting it off either. Due to intersex erasure, eugenics (surgically taking away an intersex person’s fertility with non-consensual childhood surgery), and genocide (aborting us when detected before birth), most female penis’s or large clitoris get removed. I know many transgender girls too who have a female penis. They should not feel they have to lose theirs too, to be validated as real women. It sickens me that transgender children are taught to believe that they are in the wrong bodies, but that is another blog.
For us intersex people, Genital integrity is all we want. Our life as our ‘true selves’ is all we want. We simply just want the right to be LOVED the way we were born: INTERSEX! We simply want the human right to sexually experience OUR INTERSEX GENITALS, uncut and unharmed too.
The United Nations declares that intersex erasure and the torture of non-consensual childhood surgeries stop!
It is time to allow the female penis and the male vagina and without shame.
A meme from InterACT, that I want to give more notice to, so include it in this blog.
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